This weekend, my girlfriend and I journeyed to Indiana to visit some friends and consume massive quantities of alcohol. 'Twas a good time, but it's made me think about other things I've done while drunk.
The best story is one I've told before. It happened last summer at my younger sister's graduation party. The day was full of the normal kind of things a family party is full of - hot dogs, potato salad, beer, and volleyball. I took it easy most of the day, only having about 4 or 5 beers. I was totally sober, and even made a 7:30 tee time the next morning at a local golf course.
Night eventually began to fall, however, and my extended family began to leave. I was quick to procure a pint bottle of Jack Daniels sour Mash whiskey. For about 45 minutes, I sat in a chair with the pint bottle in one hand and the and a shot glass in the other. My mother noticed my grandma staring at me and suggested I mix the whiskey with something else, so grandma didn't think I was such an alcoholic. I did, and in doing so, found out that with enough JD in your system, Diet Dr Pepper DOES taste like regular Dr Pepper.
It's all a blur from there. From what I can remember (or I've been informed of after the fact), I:
-Pinched a married 40-year-old's ass while her husband was not far away
-Spent a lot of time swimming (I'm stunned I'm still alive)
-Whipped out "lil Cheez", and started walking around my back yard, peeing, howling, and waving both my arms above my head
-Smoked for hte first time
-Tried to light a cigarette I had broken in half while holding the lighter upside down
-Spontaneously broke into song while having a conversation with some people
-Called some of my relatives some very colorful names
And oh yeah, finished the bottle of Jack, with some other alcoholic beverages. I was dead to the world by about 11:30.
Remember how I said I made a tee time for golf the next day? I ended up keeping it, and was still drunk until the 5th hole, which my scorecard clearly reflects. Immediately after golf, I played several hours of paintball in 85 degree heat. Following that, 2 hours of roller hockey. Needless to say, I was a little tuckered out that evening.
I've got more stories if anyone wants to hear. They involve wandering around Flint in a toga, waking up our friends with snowballs at about 2 in the morning, attempting to swim across a lake, and anything else I can think of.
For now, post yours.
