I'm Devastated

Hi guys.

I need help.

And before you guys go "ah, not another one", please read on.

Me and my girl firend broke up after 2 years (would have been exactly 2 years on 7 april).

Her exuse is that she wants to meet other people ad go out and all that stuff. Oh yeah, she doesnt know if I'm the right one!! For crying out loud!!! What the hell is that? After 2 years and now just suddenly?

I know that she loves/loved me but still.

I just dont get it. why did she suddenly start having these doubts?

Well, her parents decideded to get devorced a month ago, an her aunts marriage is falling apart as well. Could that perhaps have trigered this?

Al I know is that I would do anything o get her back.


*edit* thanks for listening

Start dating immediatly.
Tape yourself in the act of "love" with your new girlfriend.
Have your room mate accidently mail it to her.
Find out, and set out on a wild and crazy road trip to get to your girlfriends and intercept the package.
Realize you really love your new girl friend, and resolve your relationship with your ex nicely.
End of story.

There isn't much you can do. Talk to her. Better yet, listen to her. If she wants to break up, she will do. If she has some doubts now and regrets them later, make sure you don't move more than one continent away just in case she wants to come over and talk in the future.

Oh... and don't take advice from guys on the internet who never had continuous 2-year relationships in the first place :rolleyes:

2 years is nothing really. How old are you?

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2 years is nothing really. How old are you?

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I'm 23...not a school kid anymore, Had plenty of long term relationships...this one being the one I actually love the partner

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Originally Posted by Jeremy G

Start dating immediatly.
Tape yourself in the act of "love" with your new girlfriend.
Have your room mate accidently mail it to her.
Find out, and set out on a wild and crazy road trip to get to your girlfriends and intercept the package.
Realize you really love your new girl friend, and resolve your relationship with your ex nicely.
End of story.

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This is a good idea. Tom Green is a relationship expert.

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This is a good idea. Tom Green is a relationship expert.

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Don't know about that eh?....

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Originally Posted by Jeremy G

Start dating immediatly.
Tape yourself in the act of "love" with your new girlfriend.
Have your room mate accidently mail it to her.
Find out, and set out on a wild and crazy road trip to get to your girlfriends and intercept the package.
Realize you really love your new girl friend, and resolve your relationship with your ex nicely.
End of story.

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Heh, saw that movie too. :D

Time heals all wounds.

Try not to do anything you'd regret later like begging to have her back. There are plenty of great gals out there to meet, and you'll get over this eventually.

Here's a 5 step plan to recovery:

1) Evaluate your current position. Is she the only girl you will every be able to get?
2) Evaluate your surroundings. Could this be a new lease on life? There are many fish in the sea.
3) REALLY evaluate your previous relationship. Was she good to you? Was there any hint of "the next level"? Had you made future plans at all?
4) Drink.
5) Drink.

If 1-3 fails to lead you to any true conclusion that one girl will not ruin your life and that there are others, please repeat steps 4 and 5 until that conclusion becomes apparent.

Just give it time and follow your gut/heart. Once again, don't rush anything, give it some time and follow your gut/heart. After having time to breathe and think about it, your emotions will hopefully tell you what the answer is.

I've been with the same girl for over 3 years. I want to rail everyone in sight. :D

Hey man, I think we have all been there or in a similar situation at some point in our lives. I don't pretend to have some special advice regarding these situations, but I do hope that you aren't feeling so bad that the rest of your life suffers. I personally run when I'm sad or upset, maybe a good idea.

I don't think it is such a good idea to post personal stuff on the internet like this, because there are a lot of insensitive people that will help you feel worse.

I just got out of a simliar situation man, all I can say is if they want space, give it to them, but call them once in a while for small talk, see how they're doing. From that point try to at least be friends, maybe something will rematerialze after time, maybe not. The point is if you care about eachother you owe it to yourselves to keep in eachothers lives in some form or another. Don't forget steps 4 and 5 of cheez's guide to breakups, those are the most important ;)

> Don't forget steps 4 and 5 of cheez's guide to breakups, those are the most important

Credit where credit's due. That was ober, not me. My steps are something like
1.Drink
2.Drink
3.Drink
4.Drink
5.Cry

Also, don't feel you need to call her. I haven't spoken to my last girlfriend in months, and to be honest, I like it better this way. She can stay with her 35 year old boyfriend with two kids, as far as I'm concerned. Just as long as they stay away from me.

I think drinking is probably the worst way to handle these situations. I really hope you guys are joking. I drink a lot but doing so when you are very sad is a bad idea.

Eh, it depends on the situation. There's no problem with going out drinking with your friends to exorcise some demons. It's when you continue to drink yourself retarded because you're depressed that it's a problem.

Now that I agree with.

>>That was ober, not me

oops, my bad...but yours is good to cheez

and yeah, I didn't mean you had to call her, but it's just nice if you want to carry on a friendship after all that time.

My solution: Stay home and program or play video games. In the long run, it's cheaper. It all starts out as love love love and ends as what can I get from this guy to make him pay.

Not always, but has been my experience.

One divorce is enough for me. So now my life is drama free and I want to keep it that way.

First thing you should do:

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I just dont get it. why did she suddenly start having these doubts?

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Understand that.
Then you can make a decision, or understand you can´t make one. But don´t stay lost and guessing, that wont be good.

Will you marry me, Bubba?

>One divorce is enough for me. So now my life is drama free and I want to keep it that way.

I commend you for having an original opinion in a country that merely forces one to get married. The un-married male that lives like that forever is the "creapy weirdo" -- forget that ........ man, I commend you.

I believe MacGyver did that too.

Thanks for the support guys.

As far as the drinking is concerned...me and my friends has aleady made an appointment with "bacghus" (we call him the god of alcahol.) So I'm gonna drink pretty hard on friday, just to get rid of all the emotions and stuff.

She told me that she would be visiting one of her friends on tuesday night, just for a chat and so. But hte next morning when I phoned up the friend (sort of my friend as well) and asked how my ex is doing, she said she had no idea and tht my ex was at the cricket with another oak.

So I phoned my ex and confronted her about it. She said she did not want to hurt me more if she told me the truth. And I said she's hurting me more by lying to me.

And also she promised me that she did not leave me for someone else.

But anyway, I phoned her last night, and asked her to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She said that there really is not someone else (I'm not so sure about that anymore) but she still wants to be friends and all that stuff.

> And also she promised me that she did not leave me for someone else.

She's lying.

Also, I'm serious. Stop talking to her. You may want to be friends again eventually, but if you keep checking up on her and everything, it's only going to make things harder on you ("omg, she's having fun without me!") and make you look like a stalker. You can be her friend eventually, but now is not the time.

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She's lying

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I know, I'm not going to force the truth out of her...

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Also, I'm serious. Stop talking to her. You may want to be friends again eventually, but if you keep checking up on her and everything, it's only going to make things harder on you ("omg, she's having fun without me!") and make you look like a stalker. You can be her friend eventually, but now is not the time.

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Youre ight, I guess I should maby break contact with her. It will ten to one heal me faster....

There you go. That's the idea.

Break contact with the chic. Stop letting it bother you, be a man, suck it up, ...and go have fun without her.

Or you can sit around and cry over spilled milk and let it totally ruin your day. It's obvious you've already given her too much time in your life, so why give her any more thought time and why give her one more day? Move on.

Just remember that if it has tits or wheels it's bound to give you problems at some point down the road.

Why are you ignoring me, Bubba? My love is pure!

edit: I don't have tits or wheels!

Usher - Let it burn.mp3

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Why are you ignoring me, Bubba? My love is pure!

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Erm...no comment.

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edit: I don't have tits or wheels!

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Then I'm not interested.

Answered your own question. :D

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Originally Posted by RoD

Usher - Let it burn.mp3

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HAHAHAAHAHA

Exactly.... talking with her is only going to make you jealous, whether she is lying or not. I went through that, and I basically just stopped talking to her and even ignored her when she tried to contact me a few months later.

ditto ober, i had to completely cut ober from my life in the last two months to get over her. It's been rough but its better than if i was speaking to her, try to not even think bout her.

Another good song is Crossfade - Cold and Papa Roach - Scars

err cut lauryn from my life.....wow creepy.

Freudian slips are awesome.

I'm trying to cut everybody out of my life right now because I won't see a lot of them again for quite some time, and this involves several girls. Not as bad as going for a breakup after a two year relationship though.

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Originally Posted by RoD

ditto ober, i had to completely cut ober from my life in the last two months to get over her. It's been rough but its better than if i was speaking to her, try to not even think bout her.

Another good song is Crossfade - Cold and Papa Roach - Scars

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so that's why you haven't been returning my calls. YOU BASTARD!

And you don't even think about me? Did our love mean nothing!?

:D

lmfao o that aint right....

Awe man people, don't go and tell him she's lying when you don't even know her.

One of the major problems with most (note I said most) breakups is that if you're the one who was perfectly happy and content, you tend to equate "I was happy and all was well" with "We were happy, so some other outside force must have caused it to happen". It's human nature and ego, and quite common. Persnal ego makes you believe that if it weren't an outside force causing the breakup, then the only alternative is that they found some fault in you personally (a notion harder to accept), which is flawed logic itself but hard to see through when your emotions run rampant. Let's face it, breakups hurt.

And if you think about it... suppose she did tell you what she went out and did. Suppose she just went out by herself to socialize, or suppose she went out with casual friends, or just went out with the girls, or even just went out and caught a movie. Would you have taken it at face value as the truth? Or would you have checked up on her, as (let's face it) you did? In my experience, no matter what she does, you will find it difficult to accept that she can go on in life without you. And for a while you will resent that, it's natural. Perhaps she did just tell you a little white lie, trying to spare you some misery. She probably knows you better than most, and can predict how you will react.

One of the more difficult breakups I've had myself, it was explained to me by her that she wasn't feeling happy in her life, and while she was contemplating what she wanted to do with her life she had to ask herself what she needed to do and have to make it happen. And unfortunately I was in the way of making it happen (even though I was convinced I could and would support her in anything she wanted to do). A serious blow to the ego I'll tell ya. However today I'm casually dating, haven't landed in any serious relationships yet, and I find I have more respect for her than most people I know simply for her candor. And we talk as good friends now (however it took well over a year before that happened) and there are no regrets on my part, nor resentments.

Please don't take this as criticism, as that is not the intent, however I feel the need to be a little blunt when I say... After she broke up with you, it's really none of your business what she's doing and you really have no right to check up on her. And she's under no obligation to keep you informed as to her activities.

I know it hurts, and it really sucks to feel the way you do. As others here have already said, the best advice is to move on. It seems difficult to see or believe it possible now, but eventually you will get over it, and eventually you will meet somebody else.

I thought maybe I should add another point in here about my worst breakup... the next major relationship I landed in ended up being the love of my life and my current wife (ooh lookie... it ryhmes).

Her next major relationship (which I've been updated on by my sister-in-law because they went to the same college) ended up with her being pregnant to a complete ............... There was some rumors that they either went off and had an abortion or they gave the baby up for adoption... I don't know for sure and I'm not about to perputrate a rumor. I believe they are now married and live about 3 states away... both of them working very hard just to pay off school debt. I haven't talked to her since about 6 months after the breakup when I decided enough was enough. I don't ever plan to again. It's just weird how situations can turn out.

> Awe man people, don't go and tell him she's lying when you don't even know her.

Well, she was lying about at least one part; she wasn't where she said she would be when he asked. I agree that it wasn't his business where she was, though.

> (ooh lookie... it ryhmes).

Man, you are such a fag.

I didn't try it... it just happened. :(

Is that how you feel about me, IT JUST HAPPENED????

And you wonder why i dont call!

Ok... really. We have to stop. People are going to think I have teh ghey.

*hug*

edit:

A girl I really wanted to have a relationship just married a marine on my birthday (feb 28). I got over it. But, I also think I'm not particularly sensitive so somebody else may have been devastated by it.

>>There's no problem with going out drinking with your friends to exorcise some demons.

Remember that BEER is your FREIND.

You can always walk into a bar and pick-up a beer.
Beer will wait in the car while you have fun with your mates.
Beer won't mind if you go out and have fun with other beers.

No to mention the head.....

I am moving on now. Im not going to sit in a corner waiting for her to take me back or something.

That is her decision not mine so....

my thre day cure plan:

tonight: its back to the gym, go drinking and get totaly plastered.
saturday: sleep off the hangover, go to gym, go drinking
sunday: watch wrestling (WWE), go out for a few drinks and play pool.


after this I should be pretty much cured.

besides, I havent gymed so good in years, This week was just the bomb in the gym.

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Awe man people, don't go and tell him she's lying when you don't even know her.

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I don't know her. But I know me. And I would be lying for sure.

What could have been her plans ?

- Go out and find a quick f***
- Go out and find Mr. Right, get married, raise children, buy a house and all of that before saturday morning
- Go out alone and enjoy it
- Go out alone and cry
- Go out with her girlie friends and get drunk

Why tell you about it ? You aren't (just) friends (yet). I would not have told you the truth and I don't think you would have either :rolleyes:


Anyway, you have too much spare time on your hands right now to worry about her. And I think gym and beverages are a perfect mix :D

... dude your first mistake is asking the internet to help... unless all you want is sympathy or to get flamed...

if you love her... make it work... or be a pussy and give up like the rest of these internet homo's in denial.... nobody can really help you with that decision when they dont even know you or her...

and from what you said in the first post, it looks to me like you ........ed something up or shes a .........., and this all being pure speculation the thing with her family just made her realize that you suck... but i dont know... you probably do.

>
my thre day cure plan:
...
after this I should be pretty much cured.
<

i call bull........ on this whole gay ladden thread, if you love her a three day play of testosterone and getting "plastered" will NOT cure you... if you think it will... yeah... i call bull.........

>Ok... really. We have to stop. People are going to think I have teh ghey.

dude, you are "teh ghey", and your buddies to, they know who they are.

>
Remember that BEER is your FREIND.

You can always walk into a bar and pick-up a beer.
Beer will wait in the car while you have fun with your mates.
Beer won't mind if you go out and have fun with other beers.

No to mention the head.....
<

and it will kiss you gently on the head as you fall into a coma and drown in your own vomit.

by the way, that last line of inuendo... thats just sick...

Summary:

suck it up and act like a man... or go drink and cry to the internert of complacency and acceptance of anything...

damn... having a bad day?

... i'll leave that open for speculation....

Jesus Christ, what crawled up your ass and died?

I didn't know Dr. Phil was a coder...

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Originally Posted by ober

2) Evaluate your surroundings. Could this be a new lease on life? There are many fish in the sea.

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But there are much more shrimps than uhm... sharks. So that's a worthless saying.

I get the feeling you're saying some incredibly deep, but I have no idea what it is.

Still, whoa.

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Originally Posted by Govtcheez

> (ooh lookie... it ryhmes).

Man, you are such a fag.

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Belated Hahahahaha...

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I get the feeling you're saying some incredibly deep, but I have no idea what it is.

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Yeah I'm lost. This thread went from whining about some chic to a huge philisophical debate. But yeah it's cool that Dr. Phil visits this board every now and then.

Maybe we should hire a board shrink...I don't think most of us help much.

And cheez is teh ghey.

>Jesus Christ, what crawled up your ass and died?
>damn... having a bad day?

you see, what you need to do, is to shut-up...

>I get the feeling you're saying some incredibly deep, but I have no idea what it is.

If you want more, you have to require more from yourself.

>I didn't know Dr. Phil was a coder...
>But yeah it's cool that Dr. Phil visits this board every now and then.

Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become.

>Yeah I'm lost.

Awareness without action is worthless.
Failure is no accident.

>And cheez is teh ghey.

Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.

Look not to the west for your answers, but catch the mystical polar bear and have anal sex with it. Only then will your destiny be complete.

:eek: that is...wow.

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Look not to the west for your answers, but catch the mystical polar bear and have anal sex with it. Only then will your destiny be complete.

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

That deserves some rep.

Sorry Darkness:

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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Darkness again.

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Board cops prevent me from giving rep.

>
Look not to the west for your answers, but catch the mystical polar bear and have anal sex with it. Only then will your destiny be complete.
<

this how to know when one of our young people has been exposed to the intarweb for to long.

Let me make it very clear to you that I kicked your ass in this round of stupidness

woah...

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Look not to the west for your answers, but catch the mystical polar bear and have anal sex with it. Only then will your destiny be complete.

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I'm not sure if that's strictly PG13 qualified... ROFL !

You know its sad when your opinion of Keanu is so low you don't automatically assume that picture of him is from a movie...

some news guys...

She want me back now, but I'm not so sure if I should take her back.

ut there is one thing that really bothers me.....

she went out on friday night with some of her friends and got totally plastered! ut wait theres more!! they started playing a truth or dare game. and she kissed another oak. Apparently just a small kiss. She deeply regrets it though. She told me that she felt "dirty afterwards" and went back home.

I guess I cant be mad at her bcause we werent going out at that point in time.

From my point of view, starting from post one of this thread, it's the best thing that could possibly happen. She dumped you. She kissed someone else. She found out that you are the guy she really wants. Happy End. Make sure you get Hugh Grant for your role in the movie version.

I guess it depends on what you feel and what you want to do. Please take what I say with a grain of salt, as I never was in your situation and, in addition, have dropped my own relationship best practices and morals as soon as I could have used them.

Method 1: Unconditional Surrender
Take her back. Live happily ever after.

Method 2: Pout
Reject her. Regret it.

Method 3: Make sure she wants you
Give her a certain timespan ( a month maybe ? ) to decide what she wants. Tell her that you won't date anyone in this timespan and you will wait for her answer. Don't take any answer before the timespan is up. Don't ask or even mind what she is doing in this timespan. If she wants you, proceed to step 1. If not... well, it would not have lasted for long anyway.

Please note that Method 3 is the theory. I'm a weak willed coward myself and would immediatly try method 1. :rolleyes:

how bout method 1 minus any signs of desperation... method 3 is a bad idea in my opinion, not knowing the situation... i dont see much in the way it would result in anything positive, PLUS depending on how you pull it off... with one she will be much happier knowing you will forgive her quickly and dont have to think over the relationship, i figure no matter what you tell her she will take it that way, and one translates to her that, a. you love her that much and b. you belive she loves you c. she can trust you more, and d. you care about her enough not to punish her, cause you realize shes already punishing herself... or something like that... bottom line, be understanding, see her side, she will love you for it.

Relationships find strength in the tests of their bonds. or something Dr. Philish...

Dr. Phil, Out.



edit: apon reading that again... i realize need my own advice show...

How about Method 4: Ditch her?

edit: Truth or Dare? What are you, 12?

I'm sure my opinion is not needed... but oh well, this is a community anyway...

Honestly, I would have a talk with her, just figure out what is going on and listen hard and well. Look for every sign that you can of uncertainty and what not. She is, I assume, around your age, and she is an adult. Treat her as such and talk with her. People have this feeling of being scared of things they don't understand... such as long term relationships. More than anyone else, she will let you know (or won't... depending on how communicative she is) either verbally or with physical cues. Perhaps she just freaked out, or was scared of something happening, above all, be respectful of her needs... women, from what I can tell (I am no expert) are of varying degrees on how they feel about closeness and relationships.

I am sure this is rambling, but maybe it will help... who knows.

>How about Method 4: Ditch her?

ok lets play a little truth or dare? who hurt you? and why are you so afraid of commiting yourself to a relationship?

I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat :(

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Originally Posted by Govtcheez

I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat :(

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That's odd, I eat when I get bored, and soon get bored of eating...

I don't think you should ditch her right off, but take some time away from her.

edit:

*hugs govtcheez*





*puts hand on govtcheez's leg*

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I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat

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You've been watching Austin Power to much I think...