English essay - GATTACA - Need help :(

Hi guys!

I have to write an essay for english on Andrew Niccols GATTACA film. If its not too much trouble, I would like to post it below for you to review it and perhaps help me with my third argument.

The essay topic is:
"I got the better end of the deal. I only lent you my body, you lent me your dream." (Eugene/Jerome). What part do dreams and determination play in this film? (500-1000 words)

This is my essay so far, I would love to hear your feedback and suggestions. My plan is:
Intro - dreams and determination play a major part...
Arg 1: How determined he is to beat his bro in the swimming race
Arg 2: How he has his legs cut and stretched to become Jerome
Arg 3: ? Haven't thought of one :( Can anyone think of another example of his determination?
Conclusion - sum it all up.

The essay so far:
-----------------------------
How many people would have the determination to have their legs surgically lengthened to achieve their dream? Risk drowning just to beat their brother in a swimming race? Carry someone else’s urine samples around every day? Not many. But Andrew Niccol shows us that this is exactly the kind of determination necessary if one wishes to achieve their dreams, in his film “GATTACA” through the character of Vincent Freeman (played by Ethan Hawke). Vincent is a “god child”, a name given to those who were not genetically engineered at birth. Seconds after he is born, his genetic defects are catalogued, revealing a life expectancy of 30 years. Instantly he becomes a member of a new underclass – the Invalid. His inferior genetic status is deemed to exclude him from his dream: becoming a Navigator at Gattaca. But through an extraordinary measure of determination, Vincent achieves his dream.

Vincent’s parents trusted in god in his birth, something considered abnormal in the future. But when Vincent’s parents decide to have a second child, Anton (Loren Dean), they sensibly decide to have him genetically engineered to be perfect. Vincent is overshadowed by his brother Anton, giving rise to an intense rivalry. In a test of courage and endurance, the two brothers regularly swim across a bay as far as they can go without turning back. But of course, due to his genetic superiority, Anton always wins. Until one day when Vincent, who gets sick of being told what he can’t do, decides what he can do, and beats the superior Anton, and even ends up having to save his brother from drowning.

From that moment Vincent refuses to be told what he can not do, and is determined to be a Navigator at Gattaca. At this point he procures the services of a man who deals in genetic identities, and meets Jerome Morrow. Jerome is genetically perfect, but after coming second in a swimming race, decided to end it all by walking into the path of an oncoming truck, but botched it up and is now bound to a wheelchair. Vincent is set up to “become” Jerome through the Genetic Identity Dealer, and the two enter a co-dependent symbiosis relationship. But there is a problem – Jerome is taller than Vincent. So Vincent has surgery on both his legs, having them cut, stretched and put back, causing immense physical pain, and for the next few weeks is just as unable to walk as Jerome.

Thanks so much guys,

Paul Stovell

A couple things:

Quote:

---

But Andrew Niccol shows us that this is exactly the kind of determination necessary if one wishes to achieve their dreams, in his film “GATTACA” through the character of Vincent Freeman (played by Ethan Hawke).

---

That sounds a bit awkward. I would reverse that and start with "In his film "GATTACA," Andrew Niccol uses the character Vincent Freeman to show us..." or something along those lines.

Quote:

---

Instantly he becomes a member of a new underclass – the Invalid.

---

That sounds like you are saying the underclass is called "the Invalid," (adjective, accent on "val") but weren't they "invalids" (noun, accent on "in") in the film? I guess that's just nitpicking and I'm not even sure what would be correct.

I don't have any ideas for your third point, but in your first one you might want to emphasize how he beat his brother in spite of his infrerior genetics.

Thanks Jawib, I agree that sentence seemed a little awkward, I'm not much of an English student though so I couldn't think of how to fix it lol. I'll change that, and the "Invalid" thing... I'll make it ' - the "Invalid"'

Gattaca == awesome movie

It was pretty awesome. Especially the guy with 6 fingers :P

EDIT:

Your essay so far seems to be mostly plot. You should try adding commentary and maybe some analysis, too. Your teacher has seen the movie, I assume, so it's slightly pointless to tell him/her the story... Just give your thoughts and arguments. It never hurts to follow the basic structure...