Drinking stories

This weekend, my girlfriend and I journeyed to Indiana to visit some friends and consume massive quantities of alcohol. 'Twas a good time, but it's made me think about other things I've done while drunk.

The best story is one I've told before. It happened last summer at my younger sister's graduation party. The day was full of the normal kind of things a family party is full of - hot dogs, potato salad, beer, and volleyball. I took it easy most of the day, only having about 4 or 5 beers. I was totally sober, and even made a 7:30 tee time the next morning at a local golf course.

Night eventually began to fall, however, and my extended family began to leave. I was quick to procure a pint bottle of Jack Daniels sour Mash whiskey. For about 45 minutes, I sat in a chair with the pint bottle in one hand and the and a shot glass in the other. My mother noticed my grandma staring at me and suggested I mix the whiskey with something else, so grandma didn't think I was such an alcoholic. I did, and in doing so, found out that with enough JD in your system, Diet Dr Pepper DOES taste like regular Dr Pepper.

It's all a blur from there. From what I can remember (or I've been informed of after the fact), I:
-Pinched a married 40-year-old's ass while her husband was not far away
-Spent a lot of time swimming (I'm stunned I'm still alive)
-Whipped out "lil Cheez", and started walking around my back yard, peeing, howling, and waving both my arms above my head
-Smoked for hte first time
-Tried to light a cigarette I had broken in half while holding the lighter upside down
-Spontaneously broke into song while having a conversation with some people
-Called some of my relatives some very colorful names

And oh yeah, finished the bottle of Jack, with some other alcoholic beverages. I was dead to the world by about 11:30.

Remember how I said I made a tee time for golf the next day? I ended up keeping it, and was still drunk until the 5th hole, which my scorecard clearly reflects. Immediately after golf, I played several hours of paintball in 85 degree heat. Following that, 2 hours of roller hockey. Needless to say, I was a little tuckered out that evening.

I've got more stories if anyone wants to hear. They involve wandering around Flint in a toga, waking up our friends with snowballs at about 2 in the morning, attempting to swim across a lake, and anything else I can think of.

For now, post yours.

First I'd like to say it's such a pity that you ever recovered from this Govtcheez.

I was very drunk once at my cousin's graduation party. I threw up in and around their toilet. I had a hard time walking. I knew what to/what not to say though.

> First I'd like to say it's such a pity that you ever recovered from this Govtcheez.

I'm glad you feel that way.

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Pinched a married 40-year-old's ass while her husband was not far away
<<<

No law against that. Wait until you're 45, do that and your wife is not far away - that's danger man, that is danger.

C'mon, ade - you must've had some great times out with the guys. Tell us about 'em!

Hmm...I can't think of any really particularly funny stories, but here's a few assorted summaries:

-One of my friends kicked down a public bathroom door because it was locked and my other friend's girlfriend really had to go.

-Various nights I've leaned out of car windows screaming random profanities at people walking by.

-Fly-tackled my friend in mid-pee because I didn't want him to be an $$$$$$$ and go all over this poor guy's car door handle. No, before you ask, I didn't get peed on.

-I've been told that I was in Walgreens when I just broke out singing as loud as I could to the cashier. Nobody ever told me what song.

-I was at a school football game, there were two cops standing in front of the bathroom, and I really had to go. Two of my friends helped me walk by them so I didn't look like a total stumbling drunk, and they told me that I kept waving and saying hello to the cops, as well as going "BOY DO I SURE HAVE TO PEE!" to one of them.

-Comedy "Let my brother drive because we were both at the same party and I really wanted to go somewhere" option. I'm actually suprised that we both survived that one. The funniest part was this girl came along, drunker than us both combined, to "make sure we didn't do anything stupid" :rolleyes:. Boy she sure did a bang up job.

-Running into a really clean sliding glass door.


Nothing as funny as cheez's...I really can't think of anything too funny. It's mostly "you-had-to-be-there" kinda stuff.

Here's the story about the snowballs. That was after the remainder of a bottle of vodka.

Disclaimer: I am not proud of this story.

Anyway. Went to a friends 30th birthday party, and had a competition with another guy to see which of us could drink a pint of gin & tonic first. That was great, but within 30 minutes we were staggering.

I remember puking over myself & going off to sleep in my car. Next morning I woke up in my own bed which means....... Yep, I drove home even though I can't remember it. Luckily it's all cross country.

Moral?

If you're gonna drink, hide your keys. (oh, and wear puke-pruf(tm) trousers).

I once overdosed on heroine. Oh boy!

Does that make you a hero?

>>-Running into a really clean sliding glass door.

I know someone who did that...actually he did a lot of stupid stuff and now he can drive so...

Just to give you an idea, he once did something (can't remember what it was) that made his friends angry so he was like, "Oh man I'm so sorry! I'm gonna jump out the window of my room [2nd floor]" So he jumped out and ran back up and said "That was fun! I'm gonna do it again!" later he was more like "Hey guys, my ankles kind of hurt" and then found out he broke his ankles hehe

I dont drink anymore....but once when I was about 16 I fell in a local lake and found that I was covered in duck/swan/goose poo........the place was a local nesting place for birds, and when the winged beats flew south (or whatever) they leave a lot of nasty stuff begind them....I couldnt get a taxi/bus etc due to the stench....so I walked 4 miles home....I belive I looked like a mix between Swamp Thing & Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo

Another time I was sick & passed out on a bus full of XMas shoppers.....cleared the whole bottom deck that time....actually I'm lying...it happened twice.....

Oh...and anothertime I broke my ankle falling over a table in a bar....that was at Xmas too.....didnt realise until the next morning (dont know how that was even possible, but I must have been pretty bad).......

Not really proud of any of the above......but do giggle to myself about them occasionally.

I was at a wedding once and got a little tipsy drinking some win called Blossum Hill (Pretty sure that was name) because my parents know I drink and don't really care. Well I ended up puking on the wedding cake. Then I got a little more drunk later and ended up making out with a fellow drunk woman at the age of 50ish while the newly weds did their little dance thing. I'm not allowed to weddings to this day.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Zewu
I once overdosed on heroine. Oh boy!

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........ off, troll. If you didn't want to hear about people drinking, you probably shouldn't have clicked on this thread.

Fordy, I seem to remember you having a story about drinking cigarettes...

>>Fordy, I seem to remember you having a story about drinking cigarettes...

Had an unpleasant incedent with a can that was used as an ashtray once.....damn I'd forgot that........didnt really want to remember either

Quote:

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Originally posted by Fordy
>>Fordy, I seem to remember you having a story about drinking cigarettes...

Had an unpleasant incedent with a can that was used as an ashtray once.....damn I'd forgot that........didnt really want to remember either

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Me too. More than once.

Also I have :

Fallen out of a car (passenger) trying to use cash machine (ATM to everybody else) without getting out of the car.

Fallen down 3 flights of stairs in a club.

Somehow made it from Blackpool (heh) to Preston (20 miles) with no vehicle or funds of any kind. Weird thing is I got home in good time! And no, my ass didnt hurt in the morning :D

Fell 'UP' a kerbstone and chipped my ankle bone.

Sat on a toilet and have it disintagrate from under me! Even though I was ........ed, to this day I wonder 'what the hell happened there!'

Got ........ed on a mountain top (Skiddaw-Lake District) got halfway down and snapped my ankle in a tumble.

Fell through a plate glass shop window.

Ummm been with 'questionable looking' women. This one makes my head hurt bad.

Been attacked by a big dog whilst running from Cops. My fault for drunkedly thinking 'oooh Ill hide over this wall' Some stag night that was.

I danced once or twice too whilst ........ed :eek:

Lots more, but I am a good boy now.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Fountain
I danced once or twice too whilst ........ed :eek:

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I am also guilty of that :(

>>I danced once or twice too whilst ........ed

Ahhh......the wobbly boots.

>>been with 'questionable looking' women.

And the beer goggles.

Always dangerous combination.


I've had puking and peeing contests (distance, duration)

Had a caretaker, dressed only in his white Y-fronts on an island press a rifle into my chest while we spoke. In my drunken haze I 'knew' he was not going to shoot me. We had a 5 min conversation before my friends got me back to the boat.

We had a contest here called 'R U Barking". A run thru the city pubs drinking a half pint in each of 16 pubs.
After the event we were caught by the cops on a bridge. I was pushing a friend who had passed out in a shopping trolley. I tried to run and was tackled by a cop, hard to get far pushing a shopping trolley with wheels that want to go in three directions at once. My other friend tred to escape by climbing a light pole.

shopping carts... they're all like that.

A few years ago I stood laughing at a microwave for over 5 minutes, but then after that I passed out. I remember looking at the clock at around 12:32, then the last time thing I remember was it was 12:37. Good times.

I guess that's not exactly funny, but that's the closes thing to a funny drunk story I can think or right now.

I've got one from this past saturday, actually.

I went canoeing with my g/f, my parents, and a few of his friends. One of his friends, we'll call him brad, was in a kayak and we were all in canoes.

Well we had all been drinking the entire time and were about 4 hours down the river so we've got a good bit in us. I wasnt drunk at this point in time, but brad was pretty good to go.

Well we come to a fork in the river, left goes no where but swamp, and we know this. Well brad was last in line, behind me and stef, and we go right past the fork and we get a little ways down the river and realize were missing brad. Now none of us are worried, hes rlly good for taking random pee breaks and not saying anything.

So we turn around and i go back to find him. I find him in his boxers standing in the river, right in it. His kayak is on the side of the river with his cloths on the front, and he kept telling me the "Swamp Monsters" from the left fork stole his cloths.....

As for me i dont have that many funny stories. One new years eve i woke up in my front yard in the snow, only to find i had ........ed all over myself......

Good times.

Quote:

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Originally posted by RoD
I went canoeing with my g/f, my parents, and a few of his friends.

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Hmmm... Since your girlfriend was the only singular noun in that sentence other than yourself, I'll have to assume "g/f" and "his" go together.

Sick, man. Get yourself a female girlfriend.

hmm your right that is messed up.

I went with my g/f, my parents, and a few of my fathers friends.

There we go.

I would but people like Ken and Govt etc will full flame me for some reason...

I was in Germany a few weeks ago with my school in a foreign exchange program. The second-to-last night we were there, this one German kid drank more than he could handle - a LOT more. Before he wasn't really able to get up and move, though, they convinced him that it was raining and he was dancing around with an umbrella.

I, alas, was not there for _that_ specific incident, though it was easily the most funny. I was off at a rock club, getting my ass whipped in table soccer, listening to good music (and then there was the death metal band that sucked), and watching his old bald guy in a leather vest bumming cigarettes and beer off of people.

More on-topic, another kid in Germany was freaking out that the other kids in his hotel room were going to leave him all alone and ditch him to go somewhere else... after the teacher supervising the group said he would be around later to check on the rooms, and that would shouldn't go anywhere but our own rooms. He was amazingly paranoid... he stole the keys and slept on them and kept on demanding the truth. Annoying as hell...

EDIT: And then there's your typical beer goggles story.