My plan on how to conquer the universe

Here is how I plan to conquer the universe.

First, I must get a patent clerk drunk.
Then, once the patent clerk is drunk, I can easily convince the patent clerk to let me patent the 1 and the 0.
Once I patent the 1 and the 0, I will essentially own the rights to everything.

I already own those patents

D'oh! Well then....i will patent you....

To bad, I own the patetns to on and off. As well as myself, preventing anyone from patenting me. :p

I own the patent to patents. hah, i own you all.

Sorry, Bill Gates beat you to it again...

http://www.theonion.com/onion3311/microsoftpatents.html

darn!, I thought it was my idea.

but oh hell, I'll think of another way..

Oskilian

no you won't... without paying heavy fines at least.

I patented thinking about an hour ago.

AARRGGHH, I should havve thought of that, but you know, I am gonna patent heartbeating, each time you have a heartbeat, you should pay me 10 cents (USA cents).

Oskilian

actually microsoft patented/(bought rights to) existence, the atom(and everything attributes to it), soup in general, monkeys and midgets, macaroni, cheese, and light, about a week back

and steve ballmer trademarked the word "Developers"
and patented sweat

I might sound like a duma$$, but the part with Microsoft patenting 'ones' and 'zeros' was a joke... right?

>I might sound like a duma$$, but the part with Microsoft patenting 'ones' and 'zeros' was a joke... right?<

"Microsoft has not yet announced whether it will charge a user fee to individuals who wish to engage in such mathematically rooted motions as walking, stretching and smiling."

You decide......

I have just patented micro and soft.