Computer Quotes

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03-30-2003
JaWiB

Computer Quotes

I was just looking at a website with some good quotes...

Quote:

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
-Jeremy S. Anderson

"Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'"

"Cyberspace: A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation."
-William Gibson

"Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the Internet."
-Karl Kleinpaste

"I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And what I thought was ten years away... it was already here. I just wasn't aware of it yet."
-Bruce Sterling

"What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator."
-Anon.

"Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad."
-Anon.

The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec."
-Marcus Dolengo

"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."
-Jeff Pesis

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
-Steve Wozniak

"As soon as we started programming, we found out to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs."
-Maurice Wilkes

"It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully."
-Doug Vargas

"The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out..."

"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."

"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though."

"Hit any user to continue."

"Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can."

"BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company."

Real programmers are those that can sleep in front of terminals ... with their eyes opened."
-ricS

"Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night."

"There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works."

"f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng."

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."
-Leonard Brandwein

There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
-C.A.R. Hoare

"A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02'. 'ID' is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had."
-Guy Kawasaki

"As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications."
-Dave Parnas

Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading."
-Dave Storer

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
-Bjarne Stroustrup

"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs."
-Joseph Weizenbaum

Oops...got a little carried away...
03-30-2003
XSquared

>>The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec.
:D

>>What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.
lol

>>Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Must be from 'Computers for Dummies'.
03-30-2003
RoD

>>"f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng."

hahaha
03-30-2003
alpha

haha, too lazy to quote. but some were funny.
03-30-2003
doubleanti

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
-Bjarne Stroustrup <

classic, no?

DA... who blew s'hiz leg off on a regular basis trying to get AktiF to an ungrateful audience! (but now i'm armed with rhetorical analysis... muahahah)...
03-30-2003
MethodMan

"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."
-Jeff Pesis

True, yet funny.

Quite a few good ones..:D
03-30-2003
the Wookie

haha i like the 9.8 m/s^2
03-30-2003
Commander

u guys shouldn't underestimate macs.
03-30-2003
Vber

There is a lot more quotes...

Quote:

"hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEY ?"

"Java is, in many ways, C++--." — Michael Feldman.

"C++ : Where friends have access to your private members." — Gavin Russell Baker.

"If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL."

Programmer /n./ A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/QuotesComputer.html
03-30-2003
Fredd

Since we are all sharing :)

Quote:

testing? What's that? If it compiles, it is good, if it boots up it is
perfect.
--- Linus Torvalds

Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
to complain about unstructured programmers.
-- Ray Simard

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

"Who cares if it doesn't do anything? It was made with our new
Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ..."

Machine-Independent, adj.:
Does not run on any existing machine.

USER:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.

How do you power off this machine?
-- Linus, when upgrading linux.cs.helsinki.fi, and after using the machine for several months

Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
03-30-2003
Silvercord

Quote:

Originally posted by my piece of $$$$ computer
10100101
10100101
00000000
10010110
1010110W
03-30-2003
Xei

165
165
NULL
150
86W (7-Bit)

or

¥¥–VW

or (with W added to 86)

¥¥–_

I don't get it.
03-30-2003
doubleanti

me neither much but i was thinking maybe it's a funny quote because it's a darn error!
03-30-2003
alpha

Quote:

Originally posted by doubleanti
me neither much but i was thinking maybe it's a funny quote because it's a darn error!
03-31-2003
Shiro

Not a real computer quote, but since it is from Von Neumann, it is in some way.

In mathematics, you never understand things; you just get used to them.
- John von Neumann
03-31-2003
doubleanti

Hehe... good good... tell me about it! I took a linear algebra course this past quarter and man! At a point, you start (ie this point!) you start to realize that you're midterm is just, in and of itself, a piece of paper, and you need to chalk it up so you will, and you do. not to mention a physics midterm too, but i was really ........ed when i found out that math wasn't so simple anymore. stupid math course... so monotonous... ugh! thanks for the curve tho!
03-31-2003
hk_mp5kpdw

Some funny ones related to programming languages are here! Love the ones about APL!
03-31-2003
incognito

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
Robert Cringely

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Janet Reno

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
Clifford Stoll
03-31-2003
PJYelton

LOL love 'em all!

My favorite not listed:

To undestand recursion, one must first understand recursion.
04-01-2003
Yawgmoth

NEW TECHNOLOGY ANNOUNCEMENT FROM APPLE

In a surprise announcment, yesterday, Apple Computer said that it is
finally doing away with the keyboard. Apple stated that the
microcomputer user has suffered too long with this awkward and
inefficient input device. According to an Apple spokesperson, the
technology for replacing the keyboard with only a mouse is here and
the computer user is ready for it. The spokesperson said that Apple
has received a steady stream of complaints over the years about the
need to constantly move the hands between the Mac keyboard and
mouse. "The solution was obvious - do away with the keyboard
completely."

Acknowledging that there are still a few Mac applications that depend
on textual input in addition to graphical manipulation, Apple said the
poor people stuck with such outdated technology have not been
forgotten. They are introducing the Spinning Alphabet Wheel (SAW)
to replace the keyboard. The SAW is a screen display object
consisting of concentric circular strips showing all of the characters
which normally appear on the keyboard. The wheel rotates
continuously under character selector windows. The user selects a
character by placing the mouse pointer in the appropriate window at
the same time as the desired character is about the appear. "...and,
ta-da, the selected character appears on the screen just as though it
had been typed on an old fashioned keyboard."

"This is a marvelous new technology with plenty of room for
growth." said the spokesperson. For example, the user can configure
separate wheels for vowels vs. the consonants. Or, digits can be
placed on their own special low speed wheel. "We have
conceptualized the keyboard as a big, bulky menu selection device
and replaced it with dynamic display menus instead. Apple will
eventually replace all menus with their new Rotating Wheel
Technology (RWT)."

When asked why the wheels have to rotate, the spokesperson said
that Apple's engineers had considered using conventional "point-and-
click" technology for the wheel. "However," the Apple spokesperson
said, "we feel that this type of operation is too complicated for the
typical Mac user. So, we have done away with the mouse button
too. It is still hard for us to believe that the IBM world has stepped
backwards in technology by providing two or more buttons to
confuse the user. The IBM compatible sector, apparently, has not
yet recognized that 95% of computer usage is devoted to
experimenting with different fonts and character styles in documents"

Asked if this new technology would reduce the price of the typical
Mac computer, the spokesperson countered that it would probably
increase the price of the Mac. "After all, display space is already
scarce on the current screen. We will now deliver Macs with two
screens - one for the normal display and a larger one for the multitude
of rotating wheels the user needs to access." Apple said that the user
who is confused by complicated devices such as keyboards and
mouse buttons will gladly pay a premium to avoid them. "In fact, the
easily-confused user is our best customer" replied the spokesperson.
"Not only are we doing away with the pesky keyboard, but we are
also giving them something they have demanded for a long time -
more screen space. This is definitely a win-win situation."

Beta testers of the new technology were impressed by its ease of use,
but said there are still some minor problems to work out. For
example, one tester left his machine unattended with the uppercase
character wheel spinning at medium speed. While he was away
somebody must have jarred his desk, moving the mouse pointer into
the selector window. When he got back he found that his Word
document now had one huge paragraph consisting of all of the
characters of the uppercase alphabet repeated 2,539,987 times. "At
first glance, this appeared to be a big problem. But, I formatted the
new paragraph with 33 different fonts and 11 different type styles and
it looked great. I hope that Apple fixes this problem before they
release it, because these accidents can greatly increase the time spent
formatting documents."