is this a good thesis?

I've been really trying to improve my essay writing and getting feedback. here's the thesis

This essay attempts to retrace the origins of the debt crisis to the actions of the US and OPEC, and the continued accumulation of third world debt thereafter to the SAPs of the IMF.

is that good? should I not say "this essay" and just say something like "The origins of the debt crisis can be retraced to the actions..." instead?

My essay is mostly a chronilogical explantion of the events that led up to the Debt Crisis and why third world debt just continues to rise.

thanks

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should I not say "this essay" and just say something like "The origins of the debt crisis can be retraced to the actions..." instead?

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Yeah - I wouldn't say "this essay". You could certainly start with "The origins of the debt cri....", as long as it flows with the other text around it. Also, I would probably chose to say "trace" instead of "retrace". I'm not sure if I have a concrete reason for thinking that, but I think it sounds more concise. Also make sure that your thesis isn't hard for the reader keep in mind. Personally - I have no idea what SAPs of the IMF are - maybe you're writing to a different audience, and/or you've already explained that thoroughly. But it was just a thought.

As far as the strength and straightforwardness of your thesis goes, I think it's perfect.

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Originally Posted by jrahhali

chronilogical explantion

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Don't forget to spell-check. :)

Probably a little late now, but a thesis is supposed to be more of a hypothesis stated as if it were fact, like "The US and OPEC caused the debt crisis through ___."

Agreed. The whole usage of "This essay attempts to" at the beginning should be taken out.

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Originally Posted by jrahhali

I've been really trying to improve my essay writing and getting feedback. here's the thesis

This essay attempts to retrace the origins of the debt crisis to the actions of the US and OPEC, and the continued accumulation of third world debt thereafter to the SAPs of the IMF.

is that good? should I not say "this essay" and just say something like "The origins of the debt crisis can be retraced to the actions..." instead?

My essay is mostly a chronilogical explantion of the events that led up to the Debt Crisis and why third world debt just continues to rise.

thanks

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So it goes back 35 years?

In any case, I generally start my reports speaking in the third person, don't reference the essay directly, so something like -

The origins of the debt crisis can be retraced to the actions..

would be best. The reader already knows its an essay, so stating 'this essay' is just surplusage.

I feel like you'll be boxing yourself in with the OPEC reference in your thesis. I don't think they had as much of an impact as China did with the debt expansion in the US.