Thread: Programmer jokes

  1. #31
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    Jan 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by Mario F. View Post
    As we said in the preface to the first edition, C "wears well as one's experience with it grows." With a decade more experience, we still feel that way.
    -- Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan
    Possibly not a joke but on the topic of 'Awesome things said by Dennis Ritchie''.

    Dennis was once asked "In your experience, how long does it take for a novice programmer to become a C programmer capable of writing non-trivial production code?"
    Dennis replied, "I don't know. I never had to learn C."

    (From the final minute or so of Al Aho from Columbia University at the Dennis Ritchie Tribute at Bell Labs - YouTube )

  2. #32
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    Jun 2011
    This isn't a joke, but a riddle I once saw in a trade magazine. (I don't have the actual magazine anymore, so this was reconstructed from memory.)

    Two programming students working towards their PhD were given assignments by their professor. The professor told them whoevers program was completed last would be awarded the PhD. The two students spent a month writing out their programs as slowly as possible, and very little progress was made.

    They finally decided to seek assistance, and went together to visit a programming guru. They explained their situation to the guru, who offered his advice. Upon hearing it, both students ran back to the lab and began programming as fast as possible.

    What advice was offered by the guru?

  3. #33
    Make Fortran great again Epy's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    California, USA
    Programs are never ever 'complete'? (Constant revisions)

  4. #34
    and the Hat of Guessing tabstop's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    Switch problems.

  5. #35
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    Jun 2011
    Well done, tabstop!

  6. #36
    (?<!re)tired Mario F.'s Avatar
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    May 2006
    Race Condition.
    Who's there?
    Knock, knock...
    Originally Posted by brewbuck:
    Reimplementing a large system in another language to get a 25% performance boost is nonsense. It would be cheaper to just get a computer which is 25% faster.

  7. #37

  8. #38
    misoturbutc Hodor's Avatar
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    Nov 2013
    Here's a joke I just made up

    #include <stdio.h>
    const int powersof10[] = {
    #define IDX_ONE         0
    #define IDX_TEN         1
    #define IDX_HUNDRED     2
    #define IDX_THOUSAND    3
    int main(void)
        int meaningoflife;
        meaningoflife = 4 * powersof10[IDX_TEN] + 2 * powersof10[IDX_ONE];
        printf("The meaning of life is %d\n", meaningoflife);
        printf("Hmm... maybe not. Hodor?!\n");
        meaningoflife = 5 * powersof10[IDX_TEN] + 2 * powersof10[IDX_ONE];
        printf("The meaning of life is %d!!!\n", meaningoflife);
        printf("There. Fixed. Hodor.\n");
        return 0;
    Hey... *I* think it's funny. I think. Err... carry on.

  9. #39
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    Jun 2011
    Here's another one from my secret archive:

    The church wrote a program that takes ten dollars from your bank account every time you do something wrong. I don't agree with their syntax.

  10. #40
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    Nov 2008
    Not quite a joke, but the other day I saw a bumper sticker on a car that had this on it:


  11. #41
    and the hat of copycat stevesmithx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Been using KDE/Awesome on Arch Linux for a while now.
    Below is an actual command that I use to terminate the file manager which freezes occasionally

    killall dolphin
    I wish PETA doesn't hear of this.
    Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted
    - Albert Einstein.

    No programming language is perfect. There is not even a single best language; there are only languages well suited or perhaps poorly suited for particular purposes.
    - Herbert Mayer

  12. #42
    Registered User MutantJohn's Avatar
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    Feb 2013

  13. #43
    train spotter
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    near a computer
    SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
    < no rows returned >
    "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars......the rest I squandered."
    George Best

    "If you are going through hell....keep going."
    Winston Churchill

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