Programmer jokes

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• 03-04-2014
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mario F.
As we said in the preface to the first edition, C "wears well as one's experience with it grows." With a decade more experience, we still feel that way.
-- Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan

Possibly not a joke but on the topic of 'Awesome things said by Dennis Ritchie''.

Dennis was once asked "In your experience, how long does it take for a novice programmer to become a C programmer capable of writing non-trivial production code?"
Dennis replied, "I don't know. I never had to learn C."

(From the final minute or so of Al Aho from Columbia University at the Dennis Ritchie Tribute at Bell Labs - YouTube )
• 03-04-2014
Matticus
This isn't a joke, but a riddle I once saw in a trade magazine. (I don't have the actual magazine anymore, so this was reconstructed from memory.)

Two programming students working towards their PhD were given assignments by their professor. The professor told them whoevers program was completed last would be awarded the PhD. The two students spent a month writing out their programs as slowly as possible, and very little progress was made.

They finally decided to seek assistance, and went together to visit a programming guru. They explained their situation to the guru, who offered his advice. Upon hearing it, both students ran back to the lab and began programming as fast as possible.

What advice was offered by the guru?
• 03-04-2014
Epy
Programs are never ever 'complete'? (Constant revisions)
• 03-04-2014
tabstop
Switch problems.
• 03-04-2014
Matticus
Well done, tabstop! :)
• 03-05-2014
Mario F.
Race Condition.
Who's there?
Knock, knock...
• 03-05-2014
MutantJohn
• 03-05-2014
Hodor
Here's a joke I just made up

Code:

```#include <stdio.h> const int powersof10[] = {     0001,     0010,     0100,     1000 }; #define IDX_ONE        0 #define IDX_TEN        1 #define IDX_HUNDRED    2 #define IDX_THOUSAND    3 int main(void) {     int meaningoflife;     meaningoflife = 4 * powersof10[IDX_TEN] + 2 * powersof10[IDX_ONE];     printf("The meaning of life is %d\n", meaningoflife);     printf("Hmm... maybe not. Hodor?!\n");     meaningoflife = 5 * powersof10[IDX_TEN] + 2 * powersof10[IDX_ONE];     printf("The meaning of life is %d!!!\n", meaningoflife);         printf("There. Fixed. Hodor.\n");       return 0; }```
Hey... *I* think it's funny. I think. Err... carry on.
• 03-05-2014
Matticus
Here's another one from my secret archive:

The church wrote a program that takes ten dollars from your bank account every time you do something wrong. I don't agree with their syntax.
• 03-09-2014
Sorin
Not quite a joke, but the other day I saw a bumper sticker on a car that had this on it:

/dev/car
• 03-09-2014
stevesmithx
Been using KDE/Awesome on Arch Linux for a while now.
Below is an actual command that I use to terminate the file manager which freezes occasionally

Quote:

killall dolphin
I wish PETA doesn't hear of this.
• 03-12-2014
MutantJohn
• 03-16-2014
novacain
SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
< no rows returned >
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