Thread: 5 1/2 steps to get others to doing your homework

  1. #1
    casual coder spaghetticode's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    Hesse, Germany

    5 1/2 steps to get others to doing your homework

    Found in a German java forum and thought it worth posting here too:

    The 5 1/2 steps in trying to get others to doing your homework:

    • Step 1: Being bold You just ask someone else to do your work for you, instantly, voluntarily, and without any payment. Sometimes you don't even care to mention what the task at hand actually is, instead you just give your e-mail address for potential programming slaves to come back to you. Real professionals additionally choose a girlish sounding nickname in hope for more male programmers to show their interest.
    • Step 2: Negotiation Sometimes (mainly after someone asked for it) you offer small payment for someone doing your work for you. The amount offered usually is so small that it's rather an offense than a salary - and its justification leads directly to...
    • Step 3: Begging You tell people you're just a poor student who doesn't have much to give. When being told to do your own homework, you have several creative excuses ready at hand: you have been suffering from a terribly bad illness, your teacher didn't really teach you how to accomplish your task, you just need to pass your class and are not really interested in programming at all. Additionally, you sometimes ingratiate yourself with people on the forums, since "You are professionals, should be an easy job for you" and "You are great programmers, you will surely accomplish this task in less than five minutes."
    • Step 4: Triggering compassion The lack of success in steps 1 to 3 forces you to let people know the horrible consequences of no-one being willing to help you: not passing your exam, the loss of future perspective, social decline and soon painful death...
    • Step 5a: Provocation After four (very busy) steps and still not having found someone to do your work for you you show a sudden change in mood and give explanations why nobody is willing to help you: These forums are f**king impolite and arrogant and full of incompetent idiots who are too dumb to write a stupid little program. (You're right; we should have that slogan on our home page.)
    • Step 5b: Flame war Those members who have never come across the 5 steps so far react to your provocation and start an argument with you until your thread gets closed or deleted.

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  2. #2
    C++ Witch laserlight's Avatar
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    Oct 2003
    Sounds familiar. If you reach step 5b, you would have failed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bjarne Stroustrup (2000-10-14)
    I get maybe two dozen requests for help with some sort of programming or design problem every day. Most have more sense than to send me hundreds of lines of code. If they do, I ask them to find the smallest example that exhibits the problem and send me that. Mostly, they then find the error themselves. "Finding the smallest program that demonstrates the error" is a powerful debugging tool.
    Look up a C++ Reference and learn How To Ask Questions The Smart Way

  3. #3
    'Allo, 'Allo, Allo
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    And since this is C/C++

    Present your homework as a program that needs to be optimized to within an inch of its life. Programmers like to define themselves by numbers, and will take every opportunity to show their's is 0.001 smaller than yours.

  4. #4
    [](){}(); manasij7479's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
    It would be nice if "Do my homework" threads could be 'moderated' in a way that only the OP can post there; that would guarantee Step 5a.
    (After the obligatory "Show your Effort" post ..of course)

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    A missing element of Step 1 is offering a challenge. "Recast your homework exercise as a programming contest".

    An approach used under Step 5a is claiming to a senior project manager of a team of programmers, to whom everyone else should pay homage and provide homework on demand.

    There are a couple of sad things about all of these "Please do my homework" threads.

    Somehow, the poster always assumes their approach for eliciting homework from others is completely original, and vehemently deny they are seeking to get their homework done by someone else.

    The poster also assumes that people with enough skills to do the homework are unable to recognise the difference between homework, real competition questions, and a genuine problem encountered by someone who is really trying to do their own work.
    Right 98% of the time, and don't care about the other 3%.

    If I seem grumpy or unhelpful in reply to you, or tell you you need to demonstrate more effort before you can expect help, it is likely you deserve it. Suck it up, Buttercup, and read this, this, and this before posting again.

  6. #6
    train spotter
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    near a computer
    Quote Originally Posted by manasij7479 View Post
    It would be nice if "Do my homework" threads could be 'moderated' in a way that only the OP can post there; that would guarantee Step 5a.
    (After the obligatory "Show your Effort" post ..of course)
    Or the only people who can post in the thread are others wanting their homewok done...

    Sort of like the algorithm used by a video chat site.

    On that site if you are reported for exposing yourself to others, occassionally you 'randomly' are paired with others who have been reported for exposing themselves.

    The more you are reported the more likely it is that you will be 'randomly' paired with other flashers, until eventually the only people you get to talk to are other flashers...
    "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars......the rest I squandered."
    George Best

    "If you are going through hell....keep going."
    Winston Churchill

  7. #7
    spurious conceit MK27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    segmentation fault
    Quote Originally Posted by manasij7479 View Post
    It would be nice if "Do my homework" threads could be 'moderated' in a way that only the OP can post there; that would guarantee Step 5a.
    (After the obligatory "Show your Effort" post ..of course)
    I think I got this from another GD thread:

    Coding Horror: Suspension, Ban or Hellban?

    Scroll down to "There are three primary forms of secretly suspending users that I know of...". I don't think it is fair or appropriate (except perhaps in very extreme repeat offenders), but wow is it funny.

    A good bot familiar with the 5 1/2 steps would be real keeper too.

    I am Cleverbot. How can I help you with your homework today?
    Last edited by MK27; 11-23-2011 at 08:49 AM.
    C programming resources:
    GNU C Function and Macro Index -- glibc reference manual
    The C Book -- nice online learner guide
    Current ISO draft standard
    CCAN -- new CPAN like open source library repository
    3 (different) GNU debugger tutorials: #1 -- #2 -- #3
    cpwiki -- our wiki on sourceforge

  8. #8
    [](){}(); manasij7479's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Since I'm bored out of my mind trying to read Inorganic Chemistry :
    (And this is the first project I'm doing after my exam blues are over...shouldn't be difficult... just search for some common words, phrases and patterns...and give a generic output !)

    Hello ; I am Cleverbot . How can I help you with your homework today?

    I have an assignment to do and idk where to start or how to do it
    I would really appreciate if someone could help me out as much as they can

    <A pdf attached>

    Sure, what do you need help with ?

    Wht do u mean?
    I need the homework.

    Oh, you want someone to do it for you, for free ? People have better things to do...

    Look, I really dont have time..I will even pay u. I
    Sorry, not interested.
    Please ..I really need the code within 3 hours..else I'm probably going to fail the whole course.. I really could not study this year because my friend was very ill. Any of you nerds could do it in a minute..why aren't you helping out ?
    If you fail this year, you're going to study hard on the next year and pass...problem solved !

    U ppl are ^*&@#$&#*$^@9#&YI^#*8Y#*&#(@&U@(#(0

    [If you're the OP from here, try not to follow the quotes here! ]
    Last edited by manasij7479; 11-25-2011 at 07:18 AM.

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