To me, that is the same as a driving instructor telling you to floor it
Actually it's absolutely nothing like that as flooring it wouldn't help you to learn to drive, whereas using input functions in the beginning instead of command line input does. It's more like your instructor telling you to drive slower than normal.

we'll deal with the carnage when we hit a wall.
I find your argument incredibly hyperbolic and annoying. In short, that should be 'if' you hit a wall (there's a big difference) and the consequences aren't even comparable (as you've addressed, but still annoying).

This method of teaching trades possible runtime errors for logic/syntax errors. By forcing students to learn all about arguments to main (so essentially they'd be learning functions) before writing their first program you are pretty much ensuring that they will run in to a slew of logic errors.

If you're employing first year computer science students to write your code for you then you're doing it wrong.

I'd love to see the first program you ever wrote.