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manofsteel972
07-28-2007, 01:04 AM
I was bored, depressed and in need of cheering up and while roaming the internet recently found a funny web comic that has some computer programming and math fun called xkcd. Just curious if anyone else knows of any other good computer jokes or comics that might help lift some spirits?

MacGyver
07-28-2007, 01:27 AM
Not quite jokes, but stuff you might find amusing (or depressing... Dunno which.).

Often said, and annoying saying: There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Story (I think it's true, but I can't remember the particulars where I read this, so I probably got the details completely wrong.): There was a guy asking on a forum for help on doing something technical with his computer, and people were trying to help this guy out. The person was stubborn, however, and he was discounting people's diagnosis of the problem. After he kept repeatedly asking for help over and over again, someone had enough of it.

He identified the real problem: The mouse driver needed to be replaced. ;)

During a tech support call I had years ago to a game company, the guy was telling me major Windows system files to never try to mess with, which includes the obvious Kernel32.dll and such. He mentioned how important those files were. I said something, and he replied along the lines of....

"Yeah, I told someone last week to delete one of those files, and it wrecked everything." :eek:

matsp
07-28-2007, 04:35 AM
A salesman is driving in the mountains with a hardware engineer and a software engineer. Suddenly, the salesman says "the brakes aren't working - help". They all look pretty paniced, but eventually, the hardware engineer gets the car to a stop by using the gears and the hand-brake. The software engineer says "Let's go back and see if it happens again".

Obviously told by a hardware engineer! ;-) [And my rendition is perhaps not as "good" as the when I heard it, but I got the punchline, which is better than average for me]

--
Mats

Salem
07-28-2007, 04:58 AM
typedef struct programmer {
void *work; /* Nothing happening here */
char unstable; /* the guy's off the rails */
double money; /* well overpaid */
long lunch; /* always filling his face */
short temper; /* moody sod */
unsigned check; /* never pays for anything */
};

CrazyNorman
07-28-2007, 12:49 PM
Sorry that it's bloblike. I can't get the formatting right.
A company is trying to decide whether to go with Apple products or Microsoft products. Being a relatively large business, they invite three engineers fro Microsoft and three from Apple.
Both groups bump into each other in the line to buy tickets at the train station.
The Microsoft engineers go ahead and buy three tickets, one each. Then, the Apple engineers only buy one ticket between all three of them. One of the Microsoft engineers says "You're gonna need two more of those," to which the Apple Engineer responds, "Just watch!"
After boarding, they hear the conductor going down the train checking tickets. With the MS engineers taking note, all three Apple Engineers pile into the restroom. The conductor says "Ticket Please," and one of the engineers cracks the door open, and sticks out his arm with the ticket. The conductor takes it and moves on.
Then, on the way back, one again, the engineers are in line at the train station. This time, the Microsoft engineers understand, and only buy one ticket. Shockingly, the Apple Engineers purchase none, once again stating that they have a plan. This time, as the Microsoft Engineers pile into the stall, an Apple Engineer walks up to the door, knocks, and says "Ticket Please."

anon
07-28-2007, 02:11 PM
TheDailyWorseThanFailure (http://worsethanfailure.com).

And that's not just one-time reading. It's updated every day.

Edit: I'm not a professional programmer and only know some BASIC and C++, so I don't always get the joke, but the author posts some pretty nice screenshots of screw-ups too.

@nthony
07-28-2007, 09:06 PM
Believe I got this one from a guy's sig on these forums:

What's the best way to accelerate an IBM?
-> at 9.8 m/sē


I just bought a Turing computer the other day, man that thing's so fast it can run an infinite loop in like under 2.5 seconds!

brewbuck
07-29-2007, 11:16 AM
I was bored, depressed and in need of cheering up and while roaming the internet recently found a funny web comic that has some computer programming and math fun called xkcd. Just curious if anyone else knows of any other good computer jokes or comics that might help lift some spirits?

So, two strings walk into a bar.

The first string says, "Barkeep, I'll have a gin and tonic."

The second string says, "Barkeep, I'd like a vodka martini9i687vx hks345hjkerti7gfi768&^&^%ucflkiur."

The first string says, "Oh, don't mind my friend here. He's not null terminated."

dwks
08-01-2007, 09:20 PM
What's the best way to accelerate an IBM?
-> at 9.8 m/s²
Personally, I think that Cactus_Hugger (http://cboard.cprogramming.com/member.php?u=8113)'s signature is one of the best there is . . .

long time; /* know C? */
Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
Real Programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas, because dec 25 == oct 31.
The best way to accelerate an IBM is at 9.8 m/s/s.
recursion (re - cur' - zhun) n. 1. (see recursion)

manofsteel972
08-02-2007, 11:06 AM
Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

That pretty much defines Visual Studio C++ 2005 intellisense.

Thantos
08-02-2007, 02:18 PM
typedef struct programmer {
void *work; /* Nothing happening here */
char unstable; /* the guy's off the rails */
double money; /* well overpaid */
long lunch; /* always filling his face */
short temper; /* moody sod */
unsigned check; /* never pays for anything */
};

Permission to copy that? :P

Tonto
08-03-2007, 09:51 AM
Lotta gold here http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

marrk
08-03-2007, 10:44 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mal6XbN5cEg

Yeah :cool:

CreatedByShadow
08-03-2007, 12:44 PM
Lotta gold here http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

Lol, pretty amusing stuff there!

Cactus_Hugger
08-03-2007, 09:27 PM
that Cactus_Hugger's signature
All of which is copied from sources on the Internet. I only wish I had thought those up. :D

I saw the thread's title and thought, "xkcd!", but I see you've got that one already. The next two that came to mind were Ctrl+Alt+Del (http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php) and UserFriendly (http://www.userfriendly.org/).

I traded this one out of the signature a while back... (someone didn't like it, as it says don't comment. It's a ha-ha though, not a serious thing... >.<)

Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.(There are more Real Programmer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_programmer)-isms, if they interest you.)
That, and although it isn't "funny" really:

You think you know when you can learn, are more sure when you can write, even more when you can teach, but certain when you can program.

maxorator
08-06-2007, 02:31 PM
Dilbert.

@nthony
08-07-2007, 10:40 PM
I traded this one out of the signature a while back... (someone didn't like it, as it says don't comment. It's a ha-ha though, not a serious thing... >.<) Awww... poor baby, does his mom paint over offensive billboards too along the way to driving him to preschool? It's a completely reasonable (and wittily enjoyable) sig and if you like it, keep it, I think any half-wit out there was able to surmise that it was just facetious (although I admittedly tend to be sparse on comments myself :P).