View Full Version : Living in the 00'S

01-21-2002, 01:47 AM
I got this sent to me in an email today...sorry if you've seen it before, but I thought it was funny :)

You know you're living in the 00's when: -

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three.

4. You e-mail your colleague who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still
answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally
insert a "0" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.

9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost
all of your best jokes.

13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more
likely to get long-service awards.

15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries
annual budgets combined.

16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience,
terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all
the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours
boots up.

19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent
staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four
full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works
with computers".

01-21-2002, 03:31 AM
This is another oldie but goodie

The following is an actual question on a University of Washington
chemistry mid term exam. The answer was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is hell exothermic (Gives off heat) or endothermic (Absorbs

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,(gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however wrote the following:
First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives you two possibilities:
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are
entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my
Freshman year, "It would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.",
and take into account the fact that I still haven't succeeded in
having relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that

Hell is exothermic and will therefore will not freeze.

01-21-2002, 08:57 AM
novacain- you forgot the best part! That was the only student in the class that received an A...

As for stealth:
10)yes (actually, on the web, but close enough)
15)yes (well, maybe not put together...)

01-21-2002, 09:31 AM
1) no
2) yes
3) yes
4) yes
5) yes
6) no ( but I tried to get in using my work keycard... )
7) no
8) no
9) no
10) no
11) no
12) yes
13) no
14) no
15) not likely
16) psssst...
17) yes
18) no
19) yes
20) yes
21) yes !