View Full Version : Funny sayings

04-22-2005, 08:57 PM
Anyone know of a funny saying...
(preferrably computer related.)
Put it here!

:D :D

Jeremy G
04-22-2005, 09:00 PM
You suck.


04-22-2005, 09:14 PM
Jeremy G Jeremy G Jeremy G Jeremy G Jeremy G what am I going to do with you?

04-22-2005, 09:15 PM
Please exuse the last two posts before this one.

04-23-2005, 12:09 AM

The last time I heard someone fart in a public restroom it sounded like Donald Duck blowing his nose really hard, mixed with someone pouring wet mud onto concrete.


I'm gonna blow her out so bad it'll look like she's got a dog tounge down there.

(ok so maybe more gross than anything)

04-23-2005, 12:52 AM
Bored now....

04-23-2005, 04:34 AM
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

Took me a while to dig that up :)

04-23-2005, 08:13 AM
It's a real shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

04-23-2005, 08:27 AM
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry, each only 17 syllables, 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, five in the third.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao--until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

04-23-2005, 01:57 PM
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

04-23-2005, 03:54 PM

04-23-2005, 10:26 PM
The .NET Compact Framework - a wrapper around System.NotImplementedException.
- Rory Blyth (www.neopoleon.com)

04-24-2005, 05:16 AM
"The day Microsoft make a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vaccum cleaner"

04-24-2005, 07:25 AM
"The day Microsoft make a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vaccum cleaner"
Microsoft don't make software that sucks

04-24-2005, 07:39 AM
Yeah, I like microsoft software.

Anyway, this one's my favorite

What if Operating Systems were Airlines?

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides; then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever

04-24-2005, 08:00 AM
I like Microsoft software too. I make my living off Microsoft software.

I like blondes. But I also laugh at blonde jokes.


04-24-2005, 08:30 AM

04-24-2005, 08:42 AM
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization

- Weinberg's Second Law

04-24-2005, 08:48 AM
Shooting yourself in the foot (http://noncorporeal.com/people/pathfinder/shoot_yourself_in_the_foot.html) in various programming languages.

Brain Cell
04-24-2005, 06:00 PM
Visual Basic - You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. LMAO !

04-24-2005, 06:53 PM
One I made up:

Why don't alcoholics make good calculus teachers? They don't know their limits.

04-24-2005, 10:20 PM
I love it salem!

Java 1 You write a program to shoot yourself in the foot and put it on the Internet. People all over the world shoot themselves in the foot.

04-25-2005, 03:05 AM

Use the ODBC SQLPASSTHROUGH option when you need to pass your SQL statement to the ODBC data source directly. No massaging or local processing is done on the statement, it is passed to the database server AS IS.

uh... not a good time to be an Oracle SQL statement. Maybe MsSQL treats their statements better :P

--- Comprehending IT - Take One ---

Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

--- Comprehending IT - Take Two ---

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The IT guy said, "I like both."


The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

--- Comprehending IT - Take Three ---

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

--- Comprehending IT - Take Four ---

An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

A Programmer, a Product Manager and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the Product Manager ."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the Programmer. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always let your boss have the first say.

10-21-2005, 04:26 AM
Top 25 Explanations by Programmers when their programs don't work.

1. Strange...
2. I've never heard about that.
3. It did work yesterday.
4. Well, the program needs some fixing.
5. How is this possible?
6. The machine seems to be broken.
7. Has the operating system been updated?
8. The user has made an error again.
9. There is something wrong in your test data.
10. I have not touched that module!
11. Yes yes, it will be ready in time.
12. You must have the wrong executable.
13. Oh, it's just a feature.
14. I'm almost ready.
15. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.
16. It will be done in no time at all.
17. It's just some unlucky coincidence.
18. I can't test everything!
19. THIS can't do THAT.
20. Didn't I fix it already?
21. It's already there, but it has not been tested.
22. It works, but it's not been tested.
23. Somebody must have changed my code.
24. There must be a virus in the application software.
25. Even though it does not work, how does it feel?

10-21-2005, 07:22 AM
I wonder what the top 25 reasons for bumping a dead thread are....
Oh that's right, I don't care.