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nickname_changed
03-06-2005, 08:28 PM
On Saturday my girlfriend and I broke up. We'd been together for 18 months, and I moved interstate to Sydney for her, and then she decided she wanted to go home so I took out a loan to pay her for the furniture she was leaving behind. Then she calls up (a month after leaving) on Saturday to say she hasn't been in love with me for months and wants to end it.

Anyway when she called me, at the end of it she asked if she could come and stay with me for a few weeks when she comes back to Sydney. And she actually tried to make me feel bad for saying I wasn't sure it would be a good idea.

How can girls go from supposedly being in love with someone to being less than friends? And how can she expect me to adjust like that so quickly. We've tried it before when we broke up once - it's just hurts too much to be friends with someone and feel like its innapropriate to even hug them when you were with them for a good part of your mature life. How?!

Girls suck.

Edit: The two things I learned in the relationship:
1) Never try to help women when they are upset. Just tell them you're there for them, only help when they ask, because it just makes things worse.
2) Never put all your apples in one basket. I thought she was the person I was going to settle down with, she was my girlfriend, my best friend, and the only person I've ever been close to. Now she's gone I don't have any of that. Don't base your life around one person, it's too risky.

Brian
03-06-2005, 09:03 PM
every girl is a slut or a tease

jverkoey
03-06-2005, 09:10 PM
I concur.

-to clarify-
I concur with the first post.

Krak
03-06-2005, 10:09 PM
every girl is a slut or a tease
I'd love for Prelude to see this.

jverkoey
03-06-2005, 10:18 PM
From what I've learned in the past few months is that women are very bad at actually having good, real friends for long periods of time. I had the joy (sarcasm) of hanging out with one group for a little while and in that time, I think I heard EVERY single one of them say *something* about every other girl behind their backs, find out about it, and then be mad at the person, but not tell them to their face.

So basically, after a bit, they had turned in to this group of girls who were all ........ed at each other but wouldn't do anything about it to fix the problem. When they saw the person they were ........ed at they just talked to 'em like nothing was going on. It blows my mind away.

nickname_changed
03-06-2005, 10:27 PM
every girl is a slut or a tease

I think (and hope) that's not true.

Should I feel bad for not letting her stay with me? I still care about her a lot, but I know it's going to hurt if she does and will make things more complicated. I hope this isn't just me being immature.

Darkness
03-06-2005, 10:27 PM
Sorry to hear about your bad luck stove. Wish I had something insightful to say, but the best I can do is say I feel for ya buddy.

Girls: can't live with them, can't live without them.

EDIT:
I would honestly consider you completely crazy for having her stay with you, given the circumstances. If she stays with you, you're going to feel bad, little question about that. And why feel guilty about saying no? You aren't obligated to bend over backwards for anybody like that, even if you are in a relationship with somebody. If you say yes, don't say yes because she is "making" you feel guilty. It's 100% appropriate to not want to see her right now, I'm going through a similar situation.

nickname_changed
03-06-2005, 10:29 PM
So basically, after a bit, they had turned in to this group of girls who were all ........ed at each other but wouldn't do anything about it to fix the problem. When they saw the person they were ........ed at they just talked to 'em like nothing was going on. It blows my mind away.

I have seen this happen so many times. I think its because girls have "relationships" with other girls, they're not just "mates" like guys are.

no-one
03-06-2005, 10:53 PM
i find girls are surprisingly good at acting like they dont care... especially when they are ........ed about something.

jverkoey
03-06-2005, 10:54 PM
why is pi$$ blocked out?

Shadow
03-06-2005, 11:05 PM
why is pi$$ blocked out?cBoard's been reading too many coloring books.

biosninja
03-07-2005, 12:29 AM
I can give you some advice.

Break all contact with her!!!

I was in a situation where I went out with this one girl for about 16 months, and the njust suddenly she tells me that she has someone else and all that kind of crap!

So, I tried to be friends (if you can call it that). But in the end I just got hurt everytime I saw her again.

Just break complete contact with her until you are over this whole thing.

Even now, she called me up a few weeks ago, And I was so surprised to see that she had no effect on me whatsoever.

So, just do it. She will realise her mistake later on.

major_small
03-07-2005, 12:54 AM
We'd been together for 18 months
...
with them for a good part of your mature life. How?!not to try to make your relationship look like nothing, but I've been going out with the same girl for 34 months today... I would hardly say that 18 months is a "good part of your mature life". Try to look at it this way: you still have your entire life ahead of you. IMO, a one-year relationship, (or even a 1.5 year relationship) is a strong relationship (if it's been a consecutive year,year+.5), but is definately not something to bet your life on just yet...

nickname_changed
03-07-2005, 01:58 AM
not to try to make your relationship look like nothing, but I've been going out with the same girl for 34 months today... I would hardly say that 18 months is a "good part of your mature life". Try to look at it this way: you still have your entire life ahead of you. IMO, a one-year relationship, (or even a 1.5 year relationship) is a strong relationship (if it's been a consecutive year,year+.5), but is definately not something to bet your life on just yet...

Thanks for the advice Major Small (and everyone).

I know 18 months isn't that long to some people here, but I am only 18 years old (so is she), so it's a long time for me.

I feel so dumb though, we always said we were meant to be together, and I was looking at engagement rings, and now I find out she probably never meant any of it.

I wish I could bring myself to hate her, but I just can't. So I feel guilty about not wanting her to stay with me, when everyone's telling me not to.

And the last thing I want is for her to realize she's made a mistake and come back. I would want to say no, but I can't stand to see her hurting if I know I can make it better.

The only thing worse than a girl who says "lets just be friends" is a girl who actually tries to be.

Who cares.

I would really value an opinion from the point of view of a female.

ober
03-07-2005, 07:04 AM
Women are fickle. You should not feel guilty for saying no to her about moving in. That will create more problems than you can shake a stick at. I once dated a girl for 8 months and thought I'd marry her. I pined over her for more than a year after we broke up... I was completely miserable. Now it is 5 years later and I'm married to the love of my life. That 8 month thing was nothing and she treated me like garbage. I realize that now. And I realize 18 months is a long time to you, but make sure you were truly happy before you sit and wallow about it.

It's a free lease on life, man. Make something of it.

nickname_changed
03-07-2005, 07:22 AM
Thanks for the insightful words Ober. Now that I think about it, I don't think I really was happy in the relationship either. I loved her, but there were some things I didn't like, and I always just thought those things would change. But she shouldn't have to change - we just weren't meant for each other. I think I'm glad this happened, as much as it hurts.

InvariantLoop
03-07-2005, 07:29 AM
Girls are strange indeed. I had this girl in one of my classes and we would take the train together so we got to be friends for a year, she had a boyfriend at the time. Then she broke up and i thought nows my chance. We went out for like a month, even stayed over at her house when her parents had to go to europe for some family issues. Then school started again, after a week she tells me she got back with her old boyfriend and they got married january 1st.

ober
03-07-2005, 07:53 AM
Thanks for the insightful words Ober. Now that I think about it, I don't think I really was happy in the relationship either. I loved her, but there were some things I didn't like, and I always just thought those things would change. But she shouldn't have to change - we just weren't meant for each other. I think I'm glad this happened, as much as it hurts.
That's weird, because I always thought that about the girl that I was talking about. I thought I loved her, but in the back of my mind, I was always like "I don't really like this about her... and if she stopped doing that, I'd like it". It was little things that made us "different". I loved her (or thought I loved her) in spite of those things. I now love my wife because of those little things.

Learn to know the difference and you'll know your true feelings.

RoD
03-07-2005, 08:13 AM
My g/f cheated on me in the first month of us being together. I didnt talk to her for almost a month, i was so torn up. I finally decided to give her another shot. 11 months later, and as of yesterday to be exact, shes decides we cant be together because she cant forgive ME for ignoring her for that month.

I feel yo pain. But you know what, i say ........ it.

Brain Cell
03-07-2005, 08:34 AM
So basically, after a bit, they had turned in to this group of girls who were all ........ed at each other but wouldn't do anything about it to fix the problem. When they saw the person they were ........ed at they just talked to 'em like nothing was going on. It blows my mind away.yea thats so true. Girls seem to enjoy living with problems , envy and hatred.

I've never had a girl friend by the way. I had many opportunities , but i just don't to be "tied" to any girl. In fact , i enjoy living as a single guy with a free heart and mind. As "yes" put it : "owner of a lonely heart much better than an owner of a broken heart".

jEssYcAt
03-07-2005, 09:15 AM
I would really value an opinion from the point of view of a female.Being 18 you have to realize that both of you are young yet and still learning about relationships. It is not easy to find someone who you click with so well that you will be willing to spend the rest of your life with them, let alone find that person before you really understand what that concept means.

Different people mature differently, some people never seem to mature, men seem to think that women never mature, and women seem to think that men never mature. I'm not saying it shouldn't hurt, but don't get too down over it. She realized that she did not want to be in the relationship and acted upon that realization. I'm sure she could have done it more gracefully and believe me I've been on the receiving end of someone dumping me painfully so I know the kind of pain you are in.

And, just because you met one girl who was young and immature and didn't treat you the way you would have liked to be treated doesn't mean all women are the same way. Give yourself some time, take away some objective lessons from this experience (try not to inject too much emotion into what you think happened because that *will* skew your perceptions) and you'll eventually find someone who you think you might click with to try again.

Thantos
03-07-2005, 09:17 AM
Tis better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all

And its true. I would not trade the time I spent or the memories of those I loved and lost for anything in the world.
You should not feel bad for not wanting her living with ya after the breakup. If it had been for a day or something maybe. A couple weeks is too long.


every girl is a slut or a tease
Then you are chasing the wrong ones.


I've never had a girl friend by the way. I had many opportunities , but i just don't to be "tied" to any girl. In fact , i enjoy living as a single guy with a free heart and mind. As "yes" put it : "owner of a lonely heart much better than an owner of a broken heart".
It is in giving your heart to another that it gains it's freedom.

Liger86
03-07-2005, 10:22 AM
I heard this somewhere; but now that I think about it it makes sence, girls are like parking spots - it's hard to find a good one.

the dead tree
03-07-2005, 10:58 AM
My advice for the future, pay attention to what a girl does to other people ( older boyfriends and friends in general ), and not what she does to you.
You might be with someone that is loving you because she has needs. So as long as she needs your love, she will care for you, but when for some reason your love is not necessary anymore in different degrees, she will start threating you exactly as she does to others. This kind of person will never be a friend.

For me, I could only be in love with someone that believes in being good, and not acts based on momentary feelings.

As for girls not having buddies but relationships, I agree. Most of them are like that, but fortunely thatīs saying "All men canīt be friends with a woman" ( like some women will swear on ), and we know itīs not true. The problem with them is being with the wrong men and liking them, and it is the same for us.

Liger86
03-07-2005, 11:00 AM
just get yourself a virgin... although if a girl is a virgin past her 18th, something is wrong.

dpro
03-07-2005, 12:52 PM
just get yourself a virgin... although if a girl is a virgin past her 18th, something is wrong.


Now that is something I would object to seeing, I'm not a prude or anything.. but just because she hasn't decided to give in to pressure that makes her that much more desirable. :P

In any event best of luck to you stovellp... its hard and can be hellish, but in the end you will find your way around things. I would concur with people saying don't let her stay. If she really cared about you at all she might have tried to work things out, or at least explained what had happened that would be one thing. Depends on the relationship as well... but I digress, I would feel the same way as you because its hard. Regardless of what people say, you have to take it at your own pace and figure out what you need to do.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

Krak
03-07-2005, 02:12 PM
just get yourself a virgin... although if a girl is a virgin past her 18th, something is wrong.
You're an absolute moron, you know that?

That's a pretty offensive and downright idiotic thing to say.

rick barclay
03-07-2005, 02:32 PM
every girl is a slut or a tease

Well, we have to have some way to guarantee the survival of the species. ;)

Brian
03-07-2005, 02:49 PM
Oh my, some people have no sense of humor.

http://img16.paintedover.com/uploads/16/lol_1.gif

xxxrugby
03-07-2005, 02:56 PM
Girl what is Girl. It is hole we need to produce our self!
Why do you need girl. You have yourself! he he he he!

Ok! Now serius. They are little manipulating bitc..s! They all deserve to Die!
Burn on the tree. Vitches!

Do I see some girl around here. Are you maybe for coffie!

no-one
03-07-2005, 03:24 PM
>just get yourself a virgin... although if a girl is a virgin past her 18th, something is wrong.

oh my god... you mean she would have.... morals!!... what the holy ........!!!!
or are you saying he should be a pedophile?

Krak
03-07-2005, 03:25 PM
Girl what is Girl. It is hole we need to produce our self!
Why do you need girl. You have yourself! he he he he!

Ok! Now serius. They are little manipulating bitc..s! They all deserve to Die!
Burn on the tree. Vitches!

Do I see some girl around here. Are you maybe for coffie!

And here we have another absolute freaking moron.

no-one
03-07-2005, 03:29 PM
i think xxxrugby was making an incomprehensible sarcasm...

Brian
03-07-2005, 06:49 PM
Posting to say I don't really think every girl is a slut or a tease it was all a terrible deception.

dpro
03-07-2005, 06:54 PM
i think xxxrugby was making an incomprehensible sarcasm...


I certainly hope so... otherwise that boy needs some help...

Anyway back to the topic at hand, hope all is still going well for ya stovellp...

unanimous
03-07-2005, 07:18 PM
Well I live pretty far out away from civilization and this guy's girlfreind convinced him to build an expensive house out by me, and after the house was finished she broke up with him and now he is stuck with this house. This is all the more reason I choose to be single.

gcn_zelda
03-07-2005, 07:28 PM
I'm sorry, but I just have to say that I love girls.

'Nuff said.

jverkoey
03-07-2005, 07:31 PM
That's good, but they're still crazy.

Krak
03-07-2005, 07:38 PM
That's good, but they're still crazy.

Quoted for emphasis.

Tru dat.

Brain Cell
03-08-2005, 05:18 AM
Porblem development with Girls :

Girl A starts hating something about girl B
Instead of telling girl B about it ; girl A decides to go to girl C and tell her what she didn't like (maybe make up few more things)
Girls C decides to do something about it , so she ... well .. goes to girl D and tell her what girl B said
Girl D was the bravest among them . She went to girl B and told her how much girl A hates her
Girl D and girl B are now best friends
Girl A is bored today. She goes to girl B's house to have some good time (?)
Girl A returns to home , calls girl C and tells her how ugly girl B's hair was
Girls C tells girl A what girl D did.
Girl A is now angry !! she calls girl B and tells her that they could've settled this down alone and its none of girl D's business.
Now both girl A and girl B hate girl D. Girl A and girl B are best friends now.

see?? its even more complicated than the matrix's theory!!



(ok ok i was bored and i had to write something :rolleyes: )

nickname_changed
03-08-2005, 06:31 AM
It's complicated because you picked bad variable names ;)

I just called her to tell her I don't hate her (she thought I did) and to say when she gets to Sydney she can come by to pick up some of her stuff.

I told her I didn't want her to stay with me, and she was like "well things are different now" (I said about how we'd tried to be just friends before and it didn't work), and normally I would have given in and felt bad, but now I was just like "I don't agree" and left it at that :)

Then she said she was staying at another guys house up here, and I know he's a bit of a stoner, and I felt like offering her a place here just because I didn't want her to turn into a stoner too. But then it hit me - she's 18, she doesn't need my protection, and it's not my problem anymore. I'm not her mum.

She said herself she doesn't love me, so the only reason she could want to stay with me is because she doesn't know anyone else. I think she's just using me, and I'm not going to let her do that again. She doesn't have to move here.

All in all I am happy it's over, and hopefully I'll get over it soon. Thanks for being so supportive guys! :D

I think I'm going to save up some $$ and move to England for a few years to work. I can get a historical visa because my parents are English, and I'll spend my weekends traveling around and seeing Rome and Paris and eating swiss cheese :D The world is my computer, and I am root!

InvariantLoop
03-08-2005, 08:26 AM
Porblem development with Girls :

Girl A starts hating something about girl B
Instead of telling girl B about it ; girl A decides to go to girl C and tell her what she didn't like (maybe make up few more things)
Girls C decides to do something about it , so she ... well .. goes to girl D and tell her what girl B said
Girl D was the bravest among them . She went to girl B and told her how much girl A hates her
Girl D and girl B are now best friends
Girl A is bored today. She goes to girl B's house to have some good time (?)
Girl A returns to home , calls girl C and tells her how ugly girl B's hair was
Girls C tells girl A what girl D did.
Girl A is now angry !! she calls girl B and tells her that they could've settled this down alone and its none of girl D's business.
Now both girl A and girl B hate girl D. Girl A and girl B are best friends now.

see?? its even more complicated than the matrix's theory!!



(ok ok i was bored and i had to write something :rolleyes: )

From the MTV commericials that ive seen, thats exactly what happens in that new show P Diddy has.

Girls might be crazy but being crazy is good too, you have more fun that way because its more exciting

ober
03-08-2005, 08:28 AM
Rock on with your bad self. :)

Felix
03-08-2005, 12:20 PM
Yay, stereotypation.

Govtcheez
03-08-2005, 12:59 PM
My g/f cheated on me in the first month of us being together. I didnt talk to her for almost a month, i was so torn up. I finally decided to give her another shot. 11 months later, and as of yesterday to be exact, shes decides we cant be together because she cant forgive ME for ignoring her for that month.

I feel yo pain. But you know what, i say ........ it.
I want to hit you in the face right now.

xxxrugby
03-08-2005, 02:53 PM
Ok! On my Post on this topic before. It was a joke. Yes maybe little inappropriate! But If you cannot understand it. Then I can't help you! I sow on my User CP that I get lots of red squares for this! Ok!
If you do not understand it what the hell then look at your C code!
And I don't have problem. I just have my Bit.. hmhm I think my Girl. And I am Super. Thanks for asking!

Maragato
03-08-2005, 08:27 PM
Well I dont want to play the guy who knows all about women, in fact I know nothing, at least I assume so. Well the point is that it is damm hard to trust and understand someone, about guys vs grils friendships I have an opinion, guys grow up beating punching yelling kicking... each other, this might seem bad but I completely disagree cause when you reconciliate after a fight your friendship turns stronger, girls usally dont fight as much as boys so their friendships are not so strong that is a point of view if you disagree please correct me. Well I havent had many girls, I'm not a gentleman I think but maybe what happened is that that girl was afraid of beeing compromised. (I'm too lazy to open a dictionary so if I misspeled the last word please correct me).