View Full Version : Guaranteed weight loss

Glirk Dient
05-10-2004, 03:06 PM
Found this on my guild message board.

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health
As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in
the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day / 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands
before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing
but air and some Nike running shoes with a sign around her neck. She
introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later,huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day / 20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.
For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs, as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years"
The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
"If I catch you, you're mine."

05-10-2004, 03:09 PM
that, was ok. 4/10. +2 for effort


05-10-2004, 03:13 PM
haha, screw you x, that was awesome

Dante Shamest
05-10-2004, 05:32 PM
I heard a variation of this joke when I was a kid.

05-10-2004, 05:46 PM
Sucked, I guessed the final "program" while I was still reading the first.

05-10-2004, 07:07 PM
haha made me laugh 7/10

05-10-2004, 07:19 PM
I wish I were that guy...

At least at first...


05-11-2004, 09:48 PM
Sucked, I guessed the final "program" while I was still reading the first.

so? what does that have to do with how funny it is? you ever reheard a story you thought was hilarious? its still funny...even tho you already know the ending. ;)

haha, betcha the guy lost the 50lbs tho! :rolleyes:

05-12-2004, 06:11 AM
The best weight loss program ever.
Weight Loss Fast (http://members.aol.com/artistweb/anorexia.jpg)