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Kinasz
04-06-2004, 05:24 AM
i know this is old but i havent seen it before and there is nothing like reliving the oldies..




/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code Project: Chicago(TM)
Projected release-date: Summer 1994
*/

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main() {

while(!CRASHED) {

display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation) {

make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();

}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed) {

display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();

}


}

if (detect_cache()) disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu()) {

set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

}

// printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11");
// printf("Welcome to Windows 95");
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok()) { crash(to_dos_prompt); }
else {

system_memory =open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(something) {

sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);

}
create_general_protection_fault();

} :D

undisputed007
04-06-2004, 06:23 AM
really it's nice but very old :)

ober
04-06-2004, 06:31 AM
:o Old.

1veedo
04-06-2004, 06:59 AM
How about posting the real source? Hu? How bout it? DO you ahve it?

Kinasz
04-06-2004, 07:24 AM
>>Old

i know but I'm sure not everyone has seen it and after a few years you can always laugh again....ok maybe not ober... but most can. In light of the recent M$ leaks i think it was appropriate.

Oh and here's another one, especially for ober and M_Ghani..


MS Windows and the Borg
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?
Geordi: Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology. Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled: What the hell is `Microsoft'?
Data turns to answer: Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.

Picard: But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing
systems to increase their storage capacity?
Data: Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version
of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with
each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all
of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
normal operational functions.

Picard: Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable geometric
shape' idea. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data: Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's
command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources.
However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected `upgrade'.

Geordi: Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity,
but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for their increase.


Picard: Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something
we have missed.

Data: Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'. Apparently
the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration
cards.

Riker: Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency
escape sequence 3F

Geordi, excited: Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to
0%!

Picard: Data, what do your scanners show?

Data, studying display: Apparently the Borg have found the internal `Windows'
module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU capacity.

Picard: Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their functionality.
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker: Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?

Geordi: As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increased
resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows'
modules from something called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.

Picard: How much time will that buy us?

Data: Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span
of 6 more hours.

Geordi: Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

Picard: Identify.

Data: It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo...
Over the speakers: THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.
WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER
ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

Data: The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands
of humanoid-shaped objects.

Picard: Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

Riker: My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the
Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space?!

Data: I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer
I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first
century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.

Riker and Picard horrified: Lawyers!!

Geordi: It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into
the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

Data: True, but apparently some must have survived.

Riker: They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types
of papers.

Data: I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as `red tape'. It often
proves fatal.

Rike: They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

Picard: Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg don't
deserve such a gruesome death!

Fountain
04-06-2004, 08:28 AM
Lol. That is still funny to read again.

Kinasz
04-06-2004, 08:48 AM
ok ok last one... just a link this time

http://www.notso.com/msdinner.htm

the unix part is funny! :p

ober
04-06-2004, 11:38 AM
4/10

Excuse me for not finding your material funny.

lightatdawn
04-06-2004, 11:49 AM
What the hell kind of code is this?

#define INSTALL = HARD

and this:

void main()

and why is the opened handle file never closed? Why is nothing indented! Save me jeebus!

;)

axon
04-06-2004, 12:03 PM
4/10

Excuse me for not finding your material funny.

change 4 to a 2 though...everything else applies in my case.



:p

RoD
04-06-2004, 06:01 PM
u stink at life.

Kinasz
04-07-2004, 04:54 AM
jeez lighten up guys, you dont like it? dont read it!!

khpuce
04-07-2004, 05:59 AM
you dont like it? dont read it!!
But I've already read it :(

Kinasz
04-07-2004, 06:26 AM
you read all 3 after you didnt like the 1st one? :confused:

khpuce
04-07-2004, 06:37 AM
you read all 3 after you didnt like the 1st one? :confused:
Sometimes I am blamed to be over-optimistic :( :(

ober
04-07-2004, 07:18 AM
Sometimes I am blamed to be over-optimistic :( :(
10/10

Now that is funny :D

Kinasz
04-07-2004, 07:23 AM
yeh it was :D