PDA

View Full Version : A very weird poll



Pages : [1] 2 3

incognito
07-19-2003, 07:39 PM
Well, I have this girlfriend see....she well... her past, well she's slept with like two men already. I am confused about this, I have mixed feelings about it, at least she's being honest with me. I think that I might be falling for her, then I start thinking about our future, oh yeah I should remind you guys that this girl seems to be madly in love with me, and I am getting there. But yes she's not a virgin, I for one always said this would not be a problem with me and a girl, but now that I am facing the music I don't know what to make of it. Would you marry a girl that's not a virgin? I mean if you fell (sp?damnit I can't believe I can't spell that word, or is it right?) in love with her. How can you get over the fact that she's slept with other men before you.....? I need advice people.


Please answer the poll and share you thoughts.

TechWins
07-19-2003, 07:45 PM
If you love her, then that's all that should matter. Also, her having only slept with two other men shouldn't be much of a big deal. Not many people stay virgins until their marriage nowadays, so her having slept with two men shouldn't even be much of a factor. You're not going to find the perfect girl, so settle for the next best thing, the girl you love, even though, she has been with two other guys.

Btw, imo, if you're even remotely considering not to fall for her, b/c she has slept with the two other men then you are surely not in love with her.

:)

incognito
07-19-2003, 07:48 PM
Originally posted by TechWins
If you love her, then that's all that should matter. Also, her having only slept with two other men shouldn't be much of a big deal. Not many people stay virgins until their marriage nowadays, so her having slept with two men shouldn't even be much of a factor. You're not going to find the perfect girl, so settle for the next best thing, the girl you love, even though, she has been with two other guys.

Btw, imo, if you're even remotely considering not to fall for her, b/c she has slept with the two other men then you are surely not in love with her.

:)


Well I am not entirely in love with her, and I am not planning on marriage, but it's just that, when I have a girlfriend usually, I tend to think that we might have a chance of marriage like 8 years from now. Not just a girl that we have not future together. I know, I have issues.............I need of a way to try and get over them.

Notly
07-19-2003, 07:56 PM
IMO, I think you should just stay with her and see how it goes, if the relationship is good for the both of you within a few years, then perhaps you should pop the question.

incognito
07-19-2003, 08:01 PM
Originally posted by Notly
IMO, I think you should just stay with her and see how it goes, if the relationship is good for the both of you within a few years, then perhaps you should pop the question.


Nah, I need to make up my mind before I REALLY fall for her even more.

Fordy
07-19-2003, 08:03 PM
Nope...stone her to death I say.......just like in the good old days...

Seriously though......does it really matter to you? If so, then I dont think you are at the right stage to even consider marriage.....anyway...what the hell are you doing considering marriage at your age.....live a little

gcn_zelda
07-19-2003, 08:05 PM
Nope...stone her to death I say.......just like in the good old days...
meh

incognito
07-19-2003, 08:07 PM
Originally posted by Fordy
Nope...stone her to death I say.......just like in the good old days...

Seriously though......does it really matter to you? If so, then I dont think you are at the right stage to even consider marriage.....anyway...what the hell are you doing considering marriage at your age.....live a little

Nah marriage for me it's at age 29 (at least I hope), and now I am 18, but I just got to thinking.

gcn_zelda
07-19-2003, 08:09 PM
are you in college yet? You should worry about marriage sometime after college. It'll make college easier.

Unregd
07-19-2003, 08:11 PM
Way back when, in 1950 or so, there was an old American cultural value that required women to remain virgins until marriage but did not put as much emphasis on men to remain virgins. Then came the 1960's, and many people decided sex was a good thing after all. Now you probably won't even find too many virgins in Christian youth groups and things like that.

I think you should think about the woman and not the woman's sexual history. You'll probably decide not to marry her for some other reason, maybe because she snores.

gcn_zelda
07-19-2003, 08:13 PM
You'll probably decide not to marry her for some other reason, maybe because she snores.
or if she wets the bed :P

confuted
07-19-2003, 08:19 PM
Unregd, there are more virgins than most people think.

Cheeze-It
07-20-2003, 12:18 AM
No, that's gross. Don't even bother with her. You're young, which
probably means she's young (unless you're wierd) -- two men, at
18, is a lot.



If you love her, then that's all that should matter. Also, her having only slept with two other men shouldn't be much of a big deal. Not many people stay virgins until their marriage nowadays, so her having slept with two men shouldn't even be much of a factor. You're not going to find the perfect girl, so settle for the next best thing, the girl you love, even though, she has been with two other guys.


Don't listen to any of this. The fact that she's only 18 (or close to)
and has already been with two (that she's telling you about) men
is just indicative of the type of person she is: either a self-indulging,
primative, monkey-skank that never thinks about the potential
consequences of her actions, or someone who is so emotionally
screwed up that she believes the only way to get a guy to love
her is to sleep with him. If you really want to be with someone
like that, then... whatever.

Nevermind. Go ahead and listen to some free-love hippies talk
about how much of a non-issue sex is. But at least keep in mind
that these woodstockers are probably doped up on LSD and
think they're having a conversation with a banana. Are you a
banana?

HybridM
07-20-2003, 02:37 AM
I would marry a girl who isn't a virgin, sure. In fact, I WOULDN'T marry a girl who is a virgin (I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't had sex with, what if the sex is terrible?).

nvoigt
07-20-2003, 02:38 AM
When I first read your post I thought it was sarcasm. But you seem to take it serious, so I'll post a serious answer...



Would you marry a girl that's not a virgin?


Neither am I, so why not ?



there are more virgins than most people think.


That's right... I always read statistics saying people have sex earlier, like with 15... jeez... if this is true, I must be responsible for at least three pervert child molesters for averaging out my age in this statistic.

How about looking at the facts in another way: She has been with two guys. She had sex with them. She's not with #1 right now. She's not with #2 right now. She's with you. What does that tell you ?

Even if she has more experience than you... well, that's not so bad, put it to some good use :)

Cheeze-It
07-20-2003, 03:41 AM
Originally posted by nvoigt

How about looking at the facts in another way: She has been with two guys. She had sex with them. She's not with #1 right now. She's not with #2 right now. She's with you. What does that tell you ?



That she's looking for another victim?

nvoigt
07-20-2003, 05:19 AM
That she's looking for another victim?


Well, if being the victim of a sexy woman is the worst case scenario...

How about asking the other guys ? How did she break up with them ? Were they even in a relationship ?

Clyde
07-20-2003, 05:41 AM
No, that's gross. Don't even bother with her. You're young, which
probably means she's young (unless you're wierd) -- two men, at
18, is a lot.


Uh..... which century do you live in?

Cheeze-It
07-20-2003, 05:56 AM
Originally posted by Clyde
Uh..... which century do you live in?

A time where humans have evolved to a point where they're
capable of controlling their urges and not acting out on the most
animalistic of insticts. I'm far ahead of your time... I'm not a
primate, I don't act like one; I don't sleep around, and I use
a spork when I eat.

The future is here (not there, where you are. But here, where I,
and only I am).

Clyde
07-20-2003, 06:07 AM
A time where humans have evolved to a point where they're
capable of controlling their urges and not acting out on the most
animalistic of insticts.


So a few hundred years in the past then? - The Victorian era comes to mind.



I'm not a primate, I don't act like one; I don't sleep around, and I use a spork when I eat.


You are a primate, you do act like one, and theres no such thing as a "snork".

Anyhow, it seems fairly pointless to fight instinct for the sake of fighting instinct.

kristy
07-20-2003, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by TechWins
If you love her, then that's all that should matter.I believe this is very true. If you love someone, you love them for what they are - not what you wish they were. If you can't handle that she has slept with guys before you, then perhaps she isn't the right for you, or you aren't the right for her (no offence). But at least you should give her a chance.

vasanth
07-20-2003, 08:19 AM
would not like to coment on the issue... But here you will see that most of the Guys and gals r virgins till marriage..

lightatdawn
07-20-2003, 08:49 AM
How about looking at the facts in another way: She has been with two guys. She had sex with them. She's not with #1 right now. She's not with #2 right now. She's with you. What does that tell you ?

Even if she has more experience than you... well, that's not so bad, put it to some good use

nvoigt takes the words straight from my mouth. Just look at it this way: If she'd never been with anyone before, she'd never know how good shes got it now. ;) Oh, and making a big deal out of things one cant change is a sure-fire way to break up. Would you want someone taking issue with someing in your past, you obviously cant change, and may not even be proud of?

Remember; That was before. This is now. Where would you rather be living?

And P.S. ethic: Not to bloat your ego or anything, but you're deadpan dry wit gives the GD half its flavour (which is a lot like slightly sour strawberry milk). :p

Peace out

incognito
07-20-2003, 09:45 AM
Well this one guy, she says he brainwashed him (to whom she lost her viginity to), and with her first boyfriend, they were together for 4 years and never had sex.

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 11:12 AM
What century do you live in?

At least he knows what morality is.

correlcj
07-20-2003, 11:19 AM
Hey man! As long as she didn't cheat on you and you don't know them personally I say have some fun. My golden rule is wait for marriage minimum 2/3 years, hell this is someone you plan to live with the rest of your life right, so whats a few years. Getting married is easy the devorce is whats hard, man. Your in the honeymoon phase which after marriage declines anyways so 1) date a long time and get to know her even sexually you know unless your a virgin and wanna wait thats cool too. 2) Live with her a minimum of 1 year, its tough living with women at times and they get frustrated with you alot which means no sex, lol. 3) then get in gaged and plz dont rush anything that way you can break it off anytime without remorse between you too.
"To live without never being in love is no life at all" . Besides if this bother s you talk to her about it, dont keep sh$t bottled inside, not like it matters anyways since she had sex 2 times anyways but remember it was b 4 you. She didnt know you existed plus women are different. Men its just sex they put thier hearts and emotions in sex so she really had deep emotions for these guys but fortunate for you it didnt last and she wants to be with YOU! Maybe your more of a man than they were anyways, once again talk about it and tell her you feel awkward about it, then have some make up sex and live your lifes as if they were your last. Oh yeah, someone said something about the perfect girl or model women remark. He/shes right "NO SUCH ANIMAL!" besides ive seen hot woman who id like to roll in the hey with but their personalities sucked. Major turn off for me so any girls like that here remember to treat your guy right and it will come back unto you 10 fold.
PEACE OUT!

BTW...I voted YES and if you love her you would also.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 11:53 AM
At least he knows what morality is


...What?

Fountain
07-20-2003, 12:40 PM
She has slept with two guys. Wow.

It really really should not matter to you or your obvious EGO.

Get over it and get on with it. As long as they dont mention history you will be very happy. And lets face it, the first steps down the path to sexual happiness dont come from a few quick rolls in the hay with two guys. Experience is everything.

She may have hated every minute of the previous experiences. Sex is good, making love is out of this world. Go for it. If you love her and she falls for you....oooh baby!

:)

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 12:44 PM
...What?

The quality of being in accord with standards of right or good conduct.

Having sex outside of marriage is not exactly up to standards...

RoD
07-20-2003, 12:48 PM
Obviously im not going to read through all of these but heres my input as i feel it valid.

I have been seeing Stef for a while, and were really close, in love blah blah. Well she was with two people before me and it doesnt really bother me. One was a mistake, one night stand, and one was a long time boyfriend, her first.

When we hooked up i was still a virgin so obviously i was nervous and stuff but we are fine. Shes happy, im happy, its no big deal for me.

So would i marry her? Absolutely, life is too short. Also look at it this way. So you hook up with some virgin, and u guys get all serious then you guys do it. Now shes hooked and wants to see other people to see if it is better on the other side.....

No thanks, i vote yes.


Having sex outside of marriage is not exactly up to standards

Thats a really lame statement. Sex outside of marrige IS the standard in my opinion. Would we be here today if our ancestors, such as cavemen, insisted on marrige before reproduction? No. Nature holds no standard for sex except that its ok to do it. Marrige is something man himself invented, and is not a standard but rather a choice some make. A choice that should i not make doesnt put me outside the standard, but into the norm where we all used to be.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 01:08 PM
Having sex outside of marriage is not exactly up to standards...


Where exactly do you people come up with this horse manure?

Cheeze-It
07-20-2003, 03:09 PM
Originally posted by RoD



Thats a really lame statement. Sex outside of marrige IS the standard in my opinion. Would we be here today if our ancestors, such as cavemen, insisted on marrige before reproduction? No. Nature holds no standard for sex except that its ok to do it. Marrige is something man himself invented, and is not a standard but rather a choice some make. A choice that should i not make doesnt put me outside the standard, but into the norm where we all used to be. :grunt: :grunt:

Monogomy is also a concept man invented. if we were to go
strictly by the standards of nature, then you should find nothing
wrong with cheating on your girlfriend -- and she should find
nothing with with cheating on you. Remember this when she
tells you that she's pregnant with someone else's child.

Protected Sex is another concept that man invented. If you're
going to use nature as reasoning for your skankiness, then you
should also keep in mind that nature's intent with that skankiness
is procreation; Everytime you put on a condom, you're going
against nature.

Our ancestors were cavemen! You just said that! Why do you want
to compare yourself to a caveman? That's what I'm talking about
when I bring up the whole "evolution" issue.

But anyway, my stance has nothing to with marriage. It has to
do with thinking that people who've had a lot of partners are
extremely gross; sloppy, smelly, spider-egg infested disease
bags.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 03:23 PM
Monogomy is also a concept man invented. if we were to go
strictly by the standards of nature, then you should find nothing
wrong with cheating on your girlfriend -- and she should find
nothing with with cheating on you. Remember this when she
tells you that she's pregnant with someone else's child


Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

The reason you object to your girlfriend cheating on you is because it means you might end up raising a child that's not yours, which from an evolutionary perspective is absolute disaster.

The reason that your girlfriend objects to you cheating is that it means you might end up caring and hence providing less for her and her offspring, which makes her kids less likely to survive.

Its all "strictly the standards of nature".

The argument that sex before mariage is "bad", is absurd, and harks back to earlier days where marriage had religious connotations, and sex was an evil dirty thing that you went to hell for.



Our ancestors were cavemen! You just said that! Why do you want
to compare yourself to a caveman? That's what I'm talking about
when I bring up the whole "evolution" issue.


The only significant evolution that has occured in the last 10000 years is social and cultural evolution, it is this cultural evolution that has resulted in todays hedonistic lifestyle where sex is *gasp* no longer confined to people making life-long commitments.

confuted
07-20-2003, 03:24 PM
Free love and sex for everyone! Just like the 60s

I would marry someone who was not a virgin, but the reasons these morons have been giving for doing so are horrible. Most of you seem to be depraved individuals. Oh well, some day in the not too distant future, you'll be happy - dosed up on soma, working daily with the other members of your bokanovsky group, coming home and having sex with the freemartin of the day.

When did morality die? I see very little trace of it here.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 03:32 PM
When did morality die? I see very little trace of it here.


Morality never died, it just 'evolved', as it has been doing since it started.

Morality is not a set of laws etched into that fabric of the universe it is merely a set of checks and balances that keeps a society together. It changes as society changes.

Cheeze-It
07-20-2003, 05:36 PM
Originally posted by Clyde
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.



Actually, no. I'm right (except when I misspelled monogamy).

>The reason you object to your girlfriend cheating on you is
>because it means you might end up raising a child that's not
>yours, which from an evolutionary perspective is absolute
>disaster.

That's not an issue among humans. We have DNA tests. That's
not even an issue among animals, because they don't care
about such things.

Monogamy is the result of evolution. The practice that you want
to abide by is typical of what occurs among animals more often:
extra-pair copulation.

>It changes as society changes.

Which is terrible, because as more of you sink lower and lower
into a world of skankishness, you bring down the morality
standards that future generations should try to abide by. The
world is disgusting.

The future is going to be extremely sleazy, and you're the type
of person that's responsible for it. It's sad that you actually
represent the majority. You want drugs easily available, multiple
sexual partners; you want everything that'll lead to instant
gratification socially accepted. It's a destructive and dangerous
way to live.

Fordy
07-20-2003, 05:45 PM
>> You want drugs easily available, multiple
sexual partners; you want everything that'll lead to instant
gratification socially accepted.

Yes, yes and....er...yeah why not!

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 05:52 PM
You want drugs easily available, multiple
sexual partners; you want everything that'll lead to instant
gratification socially accepted.

Especially the drugs :P

TechWins
07-20-2003, 06:06 PM
Ethic, you're bitter only because you can't get any. What a nice excuse to come up--saying that you believe sex shouldn't take place until marriage. In your case you obviously only believe that because as stated above, you can't get any. Whereas others may wait because of cultural or religious reasons. You wait well because simply you have no other choice but to wait. Oh, yes, and wait you will for a very long time.

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 06:10 PM
Actually, I agree with Ethic. And it's not because I can't have sex. I'm only thirteen, and having sex doesn't matter much to me. It might just be my religion that makes me believe that, but the standards are lowering rapidly. Back a century ago, you probably would be exiled for having sex outside of marriage.

confuted
07-20-2003, 06:14 PM
I've turned down several girls that would be more than willing, and actually made the suggestion.

What do you say to that Techwins?

ZakkWylde969
07-20-2003, 06:15 PM
IMO (hehe internet slang!) there probably aren't many women out of college that aren't a virgin. (Probably wrong though). Wouldn't it be better to have someone that is experienced? I read somewhere that a good sex life is almost a key to a marrage.

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 06:19 PM
IM(and many others)HO(more net slang :D) sex is something that should be done between a husband and wife, but the standards these days are different. I'm LDS and we are against immorality.

nvoigt
07-20-2003, 06:24 PM
I've turned down several girls that would be more than willing, and actually made the suggestion.


Okay, you are not depraved... you are plain stupid. What better did you have to do to turn down a hot girl ?

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 06:26 PM
who says they were hot :P

TechWins
07-20-2003, 06:34 PM
blackrat, I say good for you. There is nothing wrong at all with waiting till your marriage to have sex. I've even turned down a girl once, because the time wasn't right. I was only pointing out why Ethic feels people should wait. Ethic is a bitter person who comes here and makes asanine comment to make himself feel better. So I'm simply trying to bring him down from his cloud.

gcn_zelda, I'm sure as time goes on you will have a stronger desire to have sex, but you might keep to your beliefs and hold out. Which is very good indeed, because keeping to your beliefs is very important. I don't see having sex before marriage is immoral, nor do I see it as a thing that should be done like you're a rabbit during breeding season.

Zakk, I personally would rather have a girlfriend who is less experienced than a girl who is experienced. Although, if the girl is experienced that wouldn't detract me from liking/loving her.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 06:36 PM
That's not an issue among humans. We have DNA tests. That's
not even an issue among animals, because they don't care
about such things.


Its the reason behind the emotional responce you get. We might not conciously care for those reasons but they have are why our brains are wired up to get annoyed with a cheating partner.

Like i said its entirely "natural".



Which is terrible, because as more of you sink lower and lower
into a world of skankishness, you bring down the morality
standards that future generations should try to abide by. The
world is disgusting.


There is no "lower", you cannot judge the future by todays values, it presupposes that the values we have right now are in fact the "right" ones and all the values of the past and all the values of the future are all wrong. Which is of course utter nonsense because morality is not an absolute code etched into the universe. Its simply a changing set of social values.



The future is going to be extremely sleazy, and you're the type
of person that's responsible for it. It's sad that you actually
represent the majority. You want drugs easily available, multiple
sexual partners; you want everything that'll lead to instant
gratification socially accepted. It's a destructive and dangerous
way to live.


Perhaps by our standards it will be sleazy but its completely irrelevent because by their standards it will fine, which will mean it will be fine, FULLSTOP.

The values which stay put are the ones which are neccesary for society to exist, those which are superfluous or are remnents of old irrational belief systems get weeded out.

So what if in the future everyone ends up having multiple sexual partners? So what if humanity abandons monogamy? (I don't think it will happen btw) None of that matters as long as society (which is just people) are not being harmed. Thats ALL that EVER matters when it comes to morality.

Its nothing to do with "instant gratification", and everything to do with social evolution. Values change, they always have and they will do for a fair time to come. Yesterday altering nature was seen as wrong, the day before eating fish on Saturdays was a seriously unethical thing to do, tommorow they will look back on us as absolute heathens for eating animals. You can see different values in in different cultures, my girlfriend has gone back to Pakistan for 5 weeks where her fundamentalist mother would tell you that it is morally wrong for anyone to think "impure" thoughts or go swimming (in a swimming costume), by her standards you no doubt are the one who is encouraging a sleazy future. There is no line, there is no right answer, everyone is convinced that their particular values are the ones by which everyone in every time period should be judged. Get some damn perspective.

Every generation looks at the coming generation and says "damned kids, they didn't do 'X' in my day, look at the moral decline kids are doing 'y' and 'z' now! Isn't that awfull!" And the same reply of of "what the hell are you talking about you weird old person?" comes back.

gcn_zelda
07-20-2003, 06:40 PM
The standards are lowering and lowering, in my opinion. I can't watch a PG movie without hearing bad language or sexual innuendo. Today's standards are sick. I'm 13 and I'm smarter than many of you people!

Clyde
07-20-2003, 06:51 PM
It might just be my religion that makes me believe that, but the standards are lowering rapidly. Back a century ago, you probably would be exiled for having sex outside of marriage.


Right... your religion, of course, don't ever question that by the way, just accept everything your told, lock it up deep in your mind and errect huge mental barriers around it so that you don't have to think whenever anyone questions what you think. Then you'll be set.

Anyhow joking aside, do you really think it was a good thing that they exiled people for having sex outside of mariage?

In an area of Pakistan they have now outlawed marriage that is not accepted by the parents of the people to be married. Its seen as immoral to go against your parents wishes and in this particular area they have enforced this moral standard with the law. They also agree with you that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and as such have imposed the death penalty for anyone found to be indulging in it. Of course the two laws beautifully combine to mean that if a couple fall in love, want to get married, their parents object, they elope get married in secret and then live happily for a while. If the authorities find out they will have their marriage annuled and then be stoned to death for indulging in premarital sex.

There's a nice set of orthodox traditional values. If you don't draw the line at exile why draw the line here?

If you think sex outside of marriage is wrong, tell me why.

Bear in mind here that i fully realise that there are people out there who want to wait untill they are married to have sex, thats fine, and they may want to find another person who is doing the same, thats fine too, BUT to say that other people who don't want that are in the wrong, that their values are somehow less than your own is utter garbage.

Clyde
07-20-2003, 06:52 PM
The standards are lowering and lowering, in my opinion. I can't watch a PG movie without hearing bad language or sexual innuendo. Today's standards are sick. I'm 13 and I'm smarter than many of you people!


Fine, the standards are lowering and lowering.... and thats bad.... why?