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Krak
05-31-2003, 02:26 AM
Good God, things aren't going too well for me in my life right now.

Since about December, I've been incredibly depressed. This depression's now been magnified big time, due to some happenings in my life. I got kicked outta school, lost my first job ever, and I'm falling far behind everyone else in life....and that's not even the tip of the ice berg.

Excessive worry, anxiety, anger, and depression plague every waking moment of my life.

I've started getting stress headaches...and quite badly. I cut arm the other day, and I've threatened to take my own life(trying to get attention and help) many times.

I can barely even sleep anymore. This stress and depression is tearing my to pieces from the inside, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to seek professional help, because I don't want to have some idiot talk to my liked I'm a crazed lunatic.

I'm an incredibly ugly idiot that'll never have any friends. I'm like 16 and 1/2, and I've never even had a girlfriend or anything, and there's stupid 12 year olds out there, who've had like 10 girlfriends, and got laid plenty of times.

I have no talents whatsoever. I fail or quit anything I start doing. I'm weak as hell, and it's just pathetic.

The only things that can help me are getting out of the house whenever I can,(which I can't, really because my dad's laid up in bed due to surgery, and I don't have my license yet(which I SHOULD'VE had by now!)) and the other thing that helps is alcohol, since it makes me feel better about myself.

But this is all my fault. I can't do anything right at all. If I could, I probably wouldn't be in this mess now. I'd be normal, and happy.

I'm just posting this to tell someone, I guess.

Shiro
05-31-2003, 02:39 AM
Perhaps the reason you don't want to seek professional help is not because you don't like it, but you have a kind of fear for the unknown. Professional help would be good, I think. A lot of people who have problems like yours don't like the idea of professional help, but often when they meet people who did have professional help they try it. And after that they like the idea of having someone to talk to who understands their problems.

A friend of mine once had such depression. We, his friends, didn't notice it at first and didn't understand his probems very well. He also was angry very quickly and always a lot on himself. We didn't know how to deal with it, he sometimes tried to talk about it with us, but we didn't know how to react correctly. And sometimes said things like " Come on, it will be better after a few days". When you haven't experienced depressions or things like that yourself, it is very hard to imagine how it is. Those who give professional help usually have a much better idea of how to handle it.

Why not try it a while? If it helps, then it is fine, if it doesn't, just quit.

Krak
05-31-2003, 03:00 AM
Originally posted by Shiro
Perhaps the reason you don't want to seek professional help is not because you don't like it, but you have a kind of fear for the unknown. Professional help would be good, I think. A lot of people who have problems like yours don't like the idea of professional help, but often when they meet people who did have professional help they try it. And after that they like the idea of having someone to talk to who understands their problems.

A friend of mine once had such depression. We, his friends, didn't notice it at first and didn't understand his probems very well. He also was angry very quickly and always a lot on himself. We didn't know how to deal with it, he sometimes tried to talk about it with us, but we didn't know how to react correctly. And sometimes said things like " Come on, it will be better after a few days". When you haven't experienced depressions or things like that yourself, it is very hard to imagine how it is. Those who give professional help usually have a much better idea of how to handle it.

Why not try it a while? If it helps, then it is fine, if it doesn't, just quit.

It'll embarass me throught the rest of my life, and I'll be thought of as insane. I'd rather just ride out the storm. I think things may get a little better over the summer, but I'm seriously doubting my depression'll go away.

Right now, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm paranoid, worried, angry, and sad. This whole thing's got me to the point where I have a short temper, and can't tolerate being around anyone.

Speedy5
05-31-2003, 05:19 AM
Well you just have to calm down. One night say to yourself: "Tommorow's a new day, lemme start a new life" and pray. (I do this for sports :-p) Life is what YOU make out of it. No one is going to help you or find you and be friends with you unless you make the first move. If you're all depressed and reclusive in your room then you're getting absolutly nowhere. Find a group to integrate with, thats always the key. Take risks, have confidence, clean your apperance up (if applicable), look happy, be friendly and you'll be up there in no time. I know it's probably hard but its the only way. You can also seek professional help.

GanglyLamb
05-31-2003, 07:28 AM
Krak i can really imagine how you feel because i was stuck in almost the same situation not that long ago... (although i stll went to school, so not exactly the same situation but i see a lot of ressemblances).Anyway my mother had to have a surgery because she had a ,dunno how to say this, a swelling in her stomach ( it was cancer). Anyway with my dad being out the house from 7 in the morning till 7:30 in the evening had totake care of everything, do the dishes make sure my younger brother and sister went to school, go shopping, clean the house, make sure there was dinner for my brother and sister and dad in the evening, and then there also was my mom who was lying on her bed (and she also needed alot of attention), and finally there was school...

My days were really terrible back then i had to get up at 7 take care of bro and sis, hurry to school, make sure theres food and when i got home at 5 after school, i had to make dinner so it would be ready at 6:30 then i had to do the diishes, then i could start my homework at 7:30 because in our backyard we have animals who also have to be fed....

So it wasnt just a hard period physiccaly but also mentally becoz i knew that when i got home from school i could begin my part time job as 'mother', then dad got home and he was so frustrated becoz he saw his wife in such a bad condition, so we didnt talked that much to each other because it was either he or me that got angry...

At school my grades went down the drain and my friends asked me if there was anything wrong but i just couldnt tell them about all my frustration....then my mom went to the hospital again so then it was a calmer period...

Now shes almost like she used to be and thing are going better...

You dont need to follow my advice when i say you have to talk about it with someone ( a very close friend, i bet you have one), but when i talked about it with a very close girlfriend i felt relieved. It was like i shot all my frustrations into the sky... that feeling went over after a day or two when i came back into reality...

BTW: try to quit drinking ... i had the same thing but then with greenery

kermi3
05-31-2003, 08:52 AM
Krak -


First of all I hear you. Second of all it's not as bad as you think, especially the girls part. Don't let that depress you, I know more than one guy who doesn't have his first girlfriend at 21, I knew a lot more people that way at 16.

I went through a major depressed time of my own. When I did my parents forced me to see a professional. When I first went I was simply mad about it. Then I started to talk to the guy and it was very helpful. No one there is going to think of you as insane, or pathetic or unable to care for yourself. They will think of you as someone who got in a sucky situation and became depressed. Now you are getting help to get out of it. And they aren't going to tell anyone. If you choose to go then no one has to know other than you and your parents (someone has to pay the bill ;)). But the most important thing is that it isn't your fault. You had bad luck, and became depressed. Depression has been linked to chemical problems in the brain - can you control the chemicals in your brain? If you can please tell me how - I wanna learn!!! There isn't anyone to blame here.

If you decide not to talk to a professional then talk to someone. It helps a lot. What helped me the most was talking to some neighbors (adults) and a teacher that I trusted. They helped me a lot. Talk to someone, friend, neighbor,parent, professional - just talk. It helps.

Kermi3

(This is a Kermi3 protected thread and will be closed if it goes off topic. If closed I will reopen it at author's request.)

rahaydenuk
05-31-2003, 09:18 AM
Originally posted by Krak
It'll embarass me throught the rest of my life, and I'll be thought of as insane. I'd rather just ride out the storm. I think things may get a little better over the summer, but I'm seriously doubting my depression'll go away.

Right now, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm paranoid, worried, angry, and sad. This whole thing's got me to the point where I have a short temper, and can't tolerate being around anyone.

There's a big difference between being insane and being depressed. A large proportion of the world's population will be seriously depressed at some stage in their life, and I believe the stats say that depression affects about 19 million people in the US alone per year. There's nothing unusual, weird or strange about it, it's an illness and thankfully one which can be rectified with the correct help. Trying to 'ride out the storm' alone is likely only to make the situation worse; you need to talk to someone and let your feelings out to allow yourself to start thinking more clearly. In my experience, this is the only cure for depression. Alcohol and drugs are only short-term solutions and will lead you into a downward spiral you will find it harder and harder to escape from. The only way you can fight this is to talk.

You should seek help from anyone you can trust, be it a school counsellor, your parents or a professional worker. Remember that professionals and most school counsellors have a duty of confidentiality to their patients, unless you're thought of as placing yourself or others in danger.

The most important step toward overcoming depression and always the most difficult is asking for help. No matter how much you tell yourself that you can fight this alone, the fact that you've posted on this board and in effect reached out to someone, albeit anonymously, is a clear sign that you know deep down that you can't solve this alone.

Good Luck,

Terrance1
05-31-2003, 11:33 AM
Originally posted by Krak
Good God, things aren't going too well for me in my life right now.

Since about December, I've been incredibly depressed. This depression's now been magnified big time, due to some happenings in my life. I got kicked outta school, lost my first job ever, and I'm falling far behind everyone else in life....and that's not even the tip of the ice berg.

Excessive worry, anxiety, anger, and depression plague every waking moment of my life.

I've started getting stress headaches...and quite badly. I cut arm the other day, and I've threatened to take my own life(trying to get attention and help) many times.

I can barely even sleep anymore. This stress and depression is tearing my to pieces from the inside, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to seek professional help, because I don't want to have some idiot talk to my liked I'm a crazed lunatic.

I'm an incredibly ugly idiot that'll never have any friends. I'm like 16 and 1/2, and I've never even had a girlfriend or anything, and there's stupid 12 year olds out there, who've had like 10 girlfriends, and got laid plenty of times.

I have no talents whatsoever. I fail or quit anything I start doing. I'm weak as hell, and it's just pathetic.

The only things that can help me are getting out of the house whenever I can,(which I can't, really because my dad's laid up in bed due to surgery, and I don't have my license yet(which I SHOULD'VE had by now!)) and the other thing that helps is alcohol, since it makes me feel better about myself.

But this is all my fault. I can't do anything right at all. If I could, I probably wouldn't be in this mess now. I'd be normal, and happy.

I'm just posting this to tell someone, I guess.

I used to feel the same way when I was your age. When I was in high school, I wanted to drop out. And I did drop before going back actually.

I spent about a year out of school working full time jobs like being a McDonald's cashier, and service maid at a local hotel. It only made me more depressed. I didn't have anyone to talk to or spend time with for a while. I actually spent years to myself.

I eventually got a job in sales, which I did horribly in, but it changed my life and way of thinking.

You, like me, were raised to think negatively. When you constantly put yourself down, and talk negatively about yourself, you make yourself feel even worse.

Although you might not believe it now, you can easily change your life by developing higher self esteem.

Here's a good website, I suggest that you buy the tapes called science of self confidence:
www.briantracy.com

Brian Tracy was someone that actually got expelled from high school. Worked minimum wage jobs until he was in his mid-20's. And finally figured out the importance of developing a higher self esteem, and eventually became a millionaire salesman.


Anyways, things have worked out well in my life. And I'm going back to college soon. I wish I had someone to point me in the right direction when I was younger. But it's your choice to make whatever you want out of your life.

I still don't have high self esteem, but I'm much better off than I was 4-6 years ago.

JaWiB
05-31-2003, 11:45 AM
Look you can talk to us about your problems, most of us are programmers, so we're on the brink of insanity anyway...

Zach L.
06-01-2003, 07:03 PM
Well, everyone here has pretty much said anything that I could contribute. Its hard to over-emphasize the need to talk to someone though, whoever it may be. When your caught up in your own worries, its sometimes very hard to see things the way they are.

The one other thing I can advise is to do something physical - go running or walking, or ride a bike or something like that. As odd as it might sound, getting some light and fresh air really can help.

Silvercord
06-01-2003, 07:16 PM
Krak, buddy, I know exactly what you're going through. As you can see you aren't the only one who has gone through this stuff. I don't want to say much more, but just add me onto the list of other people that have felt the same way. The point is you aren't the only one, if we can make it through tough times then please believe that you can make it through to! For what it is worth I hope things get better, and I suggest talking to Kermi.

rick barclay
06-02-2003, 01:49 AM
Clinical depression is treatable! Just ask Terry Bradshaw.
But you must get help. Try talking to your school nurse. Try
talking to your guidance counselor. Try talking to your preacher
or rabbi if you practice reliigion. Seek out a friend. It's imperative
that you talk about your problems with someone you trust who
willing to share your problems with you. Easier said than done, I know. There are psycholgy clinics available to you at your local hospital. Hopefully, there is one close by. The problems you
describe are certainly not confined to you, alone. Many, many,
many people of all descriptions suffer or have suffered varying degrees of depression at all ages. If you truly want to get out of the rut you're in, then the time to start is now.

And lay off the booze. That isn't the answer.

Silvercord
06-02-2003, 03:55 AM
see Krak if you reach out someone will respond. And you've also realized that other people have gone through the same thing, so it isn't like you are a freak or something. Now you just need to stop relying on online message boards to get help. We urge you to get real help.

thedumbmutt
06-02-2003, 10:58 AM
That reminds me, wtf ever happened to that one guy from sweden (what was his name again) who always threatened to kill himself.

edit:
was it crystal_sky

frenchfry164
06-02-2003, 02:13 PM
dude, I've been sorta like a rollercoaster my whole life. My life goes completely downhill, and then something happens. As small as it might be, it builds up, and I go a little up hill. Then things seem to go downhill for me again, only faster. This process has been repeating probably since I was in 3rd grade (believe it or not). I was really good friends with my teacher, and he helped my through it a bit. That was probably the first time I ever told anybody I wanted to kill myself. But fourth grade rolled around, and things got worse. Then in 5th grade, I had to move from Indiana to Tennessee. Talk about change in culture of life. I tried to be nice to everyone I met, but everyone just hated me. I had only one friend, and I didn't meet him until like three-quarters of the way through the school year. He has been my friend ever since, but we are starting to drift apart. Then sixth grade rolled around. Man, things started to slowly go up hill. Then 7th grade, I was happier than I had ever known. Then came eighth grade. I was actually smiling! Then I got my first true girlfriend (I was 14). I was happier than I ever remembered. Until one day I found out that she hated me, and just used me. She was cheating on me as well. That totally took a bite out of my self-esteem. Made me sad, and I cried often. On top of that, I was getting tired of the stupidity and rejectful spirit that everyone seems to have, and how everyone hated me just because I was different. And on top of that, I stopped believing in God right around then as well. With no religion to have faith in, no friends, and hateful feelings from others and myself, I almost attempted suicide, but I thought to myself that things will one day look up, and if I give up now, I'll never be able to rise above my problems. So I decided to try to fight it out until the end. A few months later, I found people who understood my problems, and people I felt I could be myself around. I started to get into the goth scene. These people accept you whoever you are, as long as you accept them. Peace is what we are for, although we don't get any from all the haters. I could express my innermost thoughts, and share my beliefs without being critisized or made fun of. People would actually accept my ideas, and I accepted theirs. I finally felt in a way, satisfied.

My moral of the story is, find who you are, and find real friends. People who will be there for you are your friends, not just people you think are funny or cool or hot, etc. Let them know your problems, and they'll let you know that it'll work out.

If you need to talk to me, I'll always be open to talk to you. Just give me a PM or my Yahoo messenger name is rpgs_r_life

confuted
06-02-2003, 02:25 PM
I've been there and done that. I also spent a couple months this year debating about mental health care. The fear of being stigmatized as a 'looney' stops many people from seeking treatment for depression. Look at it like this, though... There are only a few people that ever need to know. You, your parents, and your shrink. The shrink is sworn to secrecy - he can't tell anyone about your condition. Nobody has to know unless you tell them. That can help, when you're ready for it, but you won't be called a lunatic...nobody will know...

rick barclay
06-02-2003, 09:13 PM
People need to understnd that mental health care is there for
everybody, not just the sick. Healthy people in the know will
most likely visit a shrink sooner than someone who is sick.
Why? Prevention. Cure. Advice. Assurance. Many good reasaons
to see your doctor without worrying or caring what other ignorant
people might think or say. Look out for number one, baby.
Nobody's going to do it for you. Feeling good about yourself is just around the corner for those willing to walk that far.

confuted
06-02-2003, 09:20 PM
To throw in another comment...

suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think about that.

Xei
06-06-2003, 12:25 AM
Perhaps this will make you feel a little better, if you allow it:

http://www.ravenmatrix.com/philosophy.html

We all feel useless at times. It is how we deal with the challenges we face which makes us who we are.

Krak
10-24-2003, 09:09 PM
Screw it, I'm just going to commit suicide or something.

I don't belong anywhere, and people hate me.

I'll never amount to $$$$, so it's a huge waste of time.

confuted
10-25-2003, 08:47 AM
Originally posted by Krak
Screw it, I'm just going to commit suicide or something.

I don't belong anywhere, and people hate me.

I'll never amount to $$$$, so it's a huge waste of time.
Time for me to sound like a total jerk.

Haven't you said that before? And why did you bump a five month old thread to say it again?

Brian
10-25-2003, 10:57 AM
Originally posted by confuted
Time for me to sound like a total jerk.

Haven't you said that before? And why did you bump a five month old thread to say it again?

good ole' sensitivity.

the Wookie
10-27-2003, 06:08 PM
maybe people hate you because youre acting like a pessimistic $$$$$$$

ever think of that?

Silvercord
10-27-2003, 06:19 PM
reaching out for help on the internet is perhaps a bad idea

Xei
10-27-2003, 06:33 PM
Originally posted by Silvercord
reaching out for help on the internet is perhaps a bad idea


Originally posted by Krak
Screw it, I'm just going to commit suicide or something.

I don't belong anywhere, and people hate me.

I'll never amount to $$$$, so it's a huge waste of time.

Well, help is fine. But when a person threatens to commit suicide then there really isn't anything that we can do. Taking your own life is a rather personal option, one that I don't want anything to do with. It's your own choice Krak. The world will spin without you, and eventually your body will rot right back in to it - if that makes you feel at all more comfortable with the idea.

Silvercord
10-27-2003, 06:44 PM
like i said, don't reach out for help on the internet...what you said xei is a hell of a lot worse

Govtcheez
10-27-2003, 08:55 PM
Originally posted by Krak
Screw it, I'm just going to commit suicide or something.

I don't belong anywhere, and people hate me.

I'll never amount to $$$$, so it's a huge waste of time. Remember to cut down, not across.