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View Full Version : Source Code To Windows 98, LMAO



Generator
10-19-2001, 05:33 PM
#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}

write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
}

Aran
10-19-2001, 06:16 PM
that sounds about right =P

-KEN-
10-19-2001, 07:04 PM
I thought it was...



#include "WowIMadeAHeader.h"

int main(void)
{
while(1)
{
Run_Windows(); //they even hide inner workings in their SOURCE!
if(not_crashed() && user == doing_something_important)
crash();
else
{
for(int x = 0; x < 20, x++)
annoy();
crash();
}
Delete_Important_Files(all);
}
return 666;
}


isn't that more correct?

Aran
10-19-2001, 07:07 PM
add the

crash_baby = pick_a_random_number_from(1,1)
if (crash_baby == 1)
{
print_vague_and_impossible_to_understand_error_mes sage();
crash_repetedly();
}

and you will be perfect.

EvenFlow
10-19-2001, 07:18 PM
My computer gave me this message this morning...

-KEN-
10-19-2001, 08:13 PM
yeah? well I got THIS:

Generator
10-19-2001, 08:16 PM
LOL that's hilarious evenflow

Garfield
10-19-2001, 09:33 PM
You guys are a tough crowd to please. Although, I'm anti-microsoft also. Right on!

DavidP
10-19-2001, 09:43 PM
Thats interesting, i thought this was the Win98 source code:

//Windows 98 source
#include <dos.h>
#include <linux.h>
#include "billrulz.h"

int main ( void )
{

//the boot up process

BootUp(speed(SLOW));
UseMemory("95%");
Display(CopyRightMessage());
Display(BillRulzMessage());
while(BillRulz())
{
if(FastComputer()) CreateVirus();
if(SlowComputer()) Format("C:");
else AnnoyUser(Run(SCANDISK));
if(UserIsSmart()) Insert(BSOD, INFINITELY);
if(User(Reboots)) Format("C:");
}

//finally we get into Windows

Linux->WindowsShell();

return 666;

}

gamegod3001
10-19-2001, 10:30 PM
You know Generator that soruce is avaiable all over the net. Try to be creative like ken, or davidP

This is the souce code for xp.

//Welcome to windows
PRINT "Bill rules"
PRINT "You owe 9,999,999,999,999 dolars"
PRINT "Bill has 999,999,999,9999,999,999 dollars"
PRINT "Sorry can't run windows until your bill is paid"

-KEN-
10-19-2001, 11:03 PM
>>if(UserIsSmart()) Insert(BSOD, INFINITELY);

Right on!

Ack, but you forgot this:



MainThread(void)
{
char yorn;
Open(ALL_INET_PORTS);
Display(CopyrightInfo());
Boot(Sys.DOS);
Spinoff(GUI_OFF_DOS);
if(ClockedAt > .5){SlowDown(ALL_PROCESSES);}
else
{
Display(CopyrightInfo());
printf("Cannot boot Win98\n");
printf("Starting core file (aka Win3.1)\n");
Boot(Sys.DOS->Win3p1);
SlowDown(ALL_PROCESSES);
}
Start(UNWANTED_APPS);
ReInstall(UNWANTED_APPS);
Move(RndFileChunk, RecycleBin);
SpyOn(USER);
if(user == intelligent) { steal_ideas(); }
Display(CopyrightInfo());
for(int billrulz = 0; billrulz < 30; billrulz++)
{
Randomize(ERROR_MSGS);
Display(ERROR_MSGS);
}
if(fullmoon) { printf("I love yo momma!"); }
if(Y2K_COMPLIANT) { crash(); }
Download(MS_UPDATES);
if(!Register)
{
reboot();
printf("Format C:? (Y/N)");
yorn = getch();
if(tolower(yorn) == 'y' || tolower(yorn) == 'n')
System("Format C: -override");
}
}


I can't believe you could forget that!

-KEN-
10-20-2001, 01:12 AM
oh, now you want the source to XP, eh? you guys ARE tough to please!



#include "XP.h"
#include "WinNT.h"

void WaitCrashThread(void);

int main(void)
{
//bootup
Randomize(ERROR_MSGS); //WinXP does this at BOOT! Neat!
UseMem("75%"); //improvement!
Boot(WinNT->XPShell);
DumbDown(WIN_NT);
LockOut(USER_CMDS); //only during boot though, right?
if(SystemSweep(PhysicalDrive, "erroneous") == 1) //oopsie!
{
SysBeep(1);
printf("possible error found on drive %s - reformatting.\n",PhysicalDrive);
Format(PhysicalDrive);
if(USER_FRANTICALLY_BASHING_KEYS)
StallSystem(50);
printf("There we go, all clean");
Reboot();
}
else //continue loading XP
{
Release(USER_CMDS);
Load(PrettySkin, BUTCHER_COMPRESS);
if(!UserLogin())
{
LockOut(USER_CMDS); //shouldn't ........ed XP off!
printf("Bad Boy!\n");
while(1)
{
Reboot();
Crash();
}
}
Play(Load(AnnoyingStartupMIDI), MAX_VOLUME);
LockOut(COMPETITOR_APPS); //including ZoneAlaram! Take that!
if(SystemSweep(ALL_DRIVES, "competitor) == 1) {_unlink(Found);}
Load(WIN_NT::XP_CORE) //slipped in a SMALL touch of C++
} //Great, done booting up!
Start(ALL_APPS);
Start(UNWANTED_APPS);
Annoy();
Display(COPYRIGHT);
Annoy();
Display(COPYRIGHT);
if(!Register)
KillComputer(TOTAL, FRY_RAM, MELT_CPU);
Display(COPYRIGHT);
if(Closed(ANY_APP)
Restart_App();
Call(WaitCrashThread());
return 666;
}

void WaitCrashThread(void)
{
Wait(30); //one month
Crash();
LockOutEx(USER_CMDS, FORCE_REINSTALL);
}


whew, that was a lot to type! But the public has the right to know!

Garfield
10-20-2001, 04:41 PM
The truth is out there

Breach23
10-20-2001, 04:58 PM
U guys got it all wrong.

#include <dos.h>
int main()
{
crash();

return(0)
}

Garfield
10-20-2001, 05:00 PM
> #include <dos.h>
int main()
{
crash();

return(0)
} <

Short and...sour

--Garfield

Breach23
10-20-2001, 05:09 PM
Wait, I have one amendment...

#include <dos.h>

int main()
{
if (!crash())
{
bluescreen();
}

crash();

return(0)
}

gamegod3001
10-20-2001, 05:10 PM
Funny -ken- but my xp code is the corect one.

doubleanti
10-20-2001, 06:55 PM
>> return (666);

hehe... niice...



// dos
int main (void)
{
grab_gfx_addr (HERE_WE_GO);

freedom_baby (YEAH);

create_fikky_artistry_in_real_time (RIGHT_ON);

// use the 'never' keyword
[never] return;
}

Garfield
10-20-2001, 07:17 PM
Nice, doubleanti. Nice.

--Garfield

Generator
10-21-2001, 12:10 AM
>>try to be creative

Hey, I found it on gamedev.net, thought I would share it with you guys. I thought it was hilarious. Maybe I should have said that's where I found it....

Garfield
10-21-2001, 05:06 AM
> Hey, I found it on gamedev.net
I thought it was funny.

gamegod3001
10-21-2001, 06:04 AM
>Hey, I found it on gamedev.net, thought I would share it with you guys. I thought it was hilarious. Maybe I should have said that's where I found it....<

Do a search for windows 98 source code. It is all over the net. I pefer the if OS were air lines, then the source code. www.gamedev.net has some good onces, and for onces more spacific to windows/OSes go too www.annoyances.org, very good site but slow.

Aran
10-21-2001, 11:13 AM
if you are looking for some great comedic stuff on the web, go to http://www.somethingaweful.com and read through lots of it... man i laugh my head of at that crap.

Garfield
10-21-2001, 11:19 AM
bad link. "Page cannot be displayed"

Aran
10-21-2001, 11:21 AM
i guess it got killed off.. last time i went there was a month and a half ago.

ALong with that, my friend's .nu domain has died and is now up for buying... strangely, she wasn't even notified and it still works on one of her friends comps... very wierd.

doubleanti
10-21-2001, 12:30 PM
i found this a long time ago... and i found it again after a search...

http://www.jaegers.net/humor/ddcomp.php

Garfield
10-21-2001, 12:33 PM
interesting.

Aran
10-21-2001, 01:53 PM
the scary part is that it's true :o

Generator
10-23-2001, 07:01 AM
Nice avatar Aran, looks cool