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PJYelton
01-26-2003, 12:26 PM
For those of you haven't seen this already! :)


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, " If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off
the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For
some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

RoD
01-26-2003, 01:02 PM
lmao

Vber
01-26-2003, 01:07 PM
LOL!
The most funny 8.
Hahha

ober
01-26-2003, 03:00 PM
funny... seen it before tho...

off the subject... but VBer... why do you always put a subject in with "..." You don't have to have a subject to post... just to start a thread...

MethodMan
01-26-2003, 03:05 PM
LMAO

Never heard that before. It would have been nice if he got Linux in there somehow....

Vber
01-26-2003, 03:11 PM
off the subject... but VBer... why do you always put a subject in with "..." You don't have to have a subject to post... just to start a thread...
Ok.. I'll make that;)

Fountain
01-26-2003, 03:22 PM
To be honest it wasnt really THAT amusing. Cant anyone do ant better?

Travis Dane
01-26-2003, 03:50 PM
if microsoft was making cars

Whe'd all never crash EVER again:)
No really, Making microsoft out for things just because
theyre rich,famous and succesfull just sucks! OK?!?!

MethodMan
01-26-2003, 03:57 PM
Originally posted by Fountain
To be honest it wasnt really THAT amusing. Cant anyone do ant better?

I dont think I could.

I would like to see what you can come up with.

Travis Dane
01-26-2003, 05:11 PM
Originally posted by MethodMan
I dont think I could.

I would like to see what you can come up with.

O come on, Dont go there!

napkin111
01-26-2003, 06:03 PM
Originally posted by Fountain
To be honest it wasnt really THAT amusing. Cant anyone do ant better?

Oh please, I thought it was hilarious. Thanks for sharing PJYelton.

//napKIN

sean
01-26-2003, 06:11 PM
No really, Making microsoft out for things just because
theyre rich,famous and succesfull just sucks! OK?!?!

(Sorry if the quote tags didn't work - I'm not cookied right now, so I had to do it by hand)

As true as that may be, all of GM's points are true.

Travis Dane
01-26-2003, 06:14 PM
Originally posted by Sean
As true as that may be, all of GM's points are true.

Yep, But weird thing is microsoft always seems to be the target...
Lunix is even more full of crap then windows is.

minesweeper
01-26-2003, 06:23 PM
That press release is quite old isn't it? I mean about Windows 98 time? I used to have quite a lot of problems with Windows 98 and lack of stability. I was constantly having to restart and it just deteriorated over time. Then my previous company gave me XP........Very impressed. Big improvement, set itself up with minimal input from me, dead easy to use and very stable so far. Has crashed on me twice, both times dumping the data I am currently working with into a temporary file from which I can extract it upon restart. Don't really see why anyone would need any other OS.

moi
01-26-2003, 08:22 PM
beyond old.

Scourfish
01-26-2003, 10:11 PM
Holy crap man! Have you heard the one about the drink holder?

face_master
01-26-2003, 11:34 PM
I dont think GM know what they're talking about. That would be funny if they were talking about MS making software for cars, but you cant do the same for hardware. MS make system software, not the hardware so there's no comparison. My friend's parents bought one of the new mini's last year but had to return it cause the software would cause the car to stall for no reason. Just though id add that in...

codingmaster
01-27-2003, 01:30 AM
...they would be shi$

face_master
01-27-2003, 03:57 AM
with all the money they have, they could make sweet cars for not very high cost i guess. Though, they'd put spy devices inside or something to sumbliminally make you want to buy MS products...

RoD
01-27-2003, 04:52 AM
::tunes in stereo::

"Hello, driver, this is god gates....."

Travis Dane
01-27-2003, 05:56 AM
Originally posted by minesweeper
I used to have quite a lot of problems with Windows 98 and lack of stability. I was constantly having to restart.

Then look the source of the problem at your computer not
Win98. Win98 won't fail on you without a specific reason.
Change drivers, clean drive,clean hardware, cool hardware.
There are too many things it can depend on for you to point
Win98 to be the problem.

I must agree with you on the problem that after a while you
just need to reinstall Win98 because it becomes big and slow.
I had to do that every two months.

I now too have XP and so far it NEVER EVER crashed on me and i
NEVER EVER had to reinstall it for what reason.

deathstryke
01-27-2003, 08:18 AM
If M$ made cars...

We would have to buy it again every time we change the oil.

It would stop running after next year/weeks/month's model is released.

It would refuse to drive on roads M$ doesn't want you on.

http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/~rja14/tcpa-faq.html

Travis Dane
01-27-2003, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by deathstryke
If M$ made cars...

We would have to buy it again every time we change the oil.

It would stop running after next year/weeks/month's model is released.

It would refuse to drive on roads M$ doesn't want you on.


If l$nux made cars...

Whe would have to buy it again because it din't had oil.

It would stop running just after you bought it.

It can't drive on roads you want it to.

adrianxw
01-27-2003, 09:03 AM
If Toyota made OS's, they would start first time, every time, but within a minute be firing on only 2 or 3 cylinders until the lousy automatic choke had worked out that it was flooding the engine, and the direction indicators wouldn't work if you had the heater switched on.

jessie23
01-27-2003, 09:06 AM
sounds like someone is having a few problems with their toyota, maybe?

adrianxw
01-27-2003, 09:31 AM
>>> sounds like someone is having a few problems with their toyota, maybe?

True. However, in keeping with the original point of the thread, (point used in the broadest sense of the word), my Windows XP system just runs and runs and runs, my old 95 system runs pretty well for weeks, until I do something stupid, but the Toyota irritates every day.

civix
01-27-2003, 10:06 AM
If Microsoft Made Cars:
1. I wouldnt buy it,
2. If I did buy it, I wouldnt drive it.
3. If I did drive it, It would crash (no, i mean it would crash, not I would crash it)
4. After it crashed on me, i would take M$ to court. (no, i would sue them or something, not attempt intercourse)
5. After I took them to court, I would lose.
6. After I lost, I would ask why.
7. They would say, in the terms and agreements, you agreed, that after warranty expiration, we had no liability for any damages the vehicle may cause
8. I would assasinate Bill Gates
9. I would make up some dumb reason for doing it.
10. is the amount of years I would spend in prison.

Muahaha... I had fun writing that :p :D

deathstryke
01-27-2003, 10:46 AM
and i had fun reading it. However, I will be the one to assassinate Bill Gates, and then hole up in a cave shooting anyone who comes near.

civix
01-27-2003, 01:22 PM
OMG!! YOU WOULD HOLD UP IN A CAVE?! DEATHSTRYKE IS BIN LADEN!!!

Not really, lol...have fun assasinating Billy, helps me- I wont be the one in prison :D

ober
01-27-2003, 01:36 PM
Originally posted by deathstryke
and i had fun reading it. However, I will be the one to assassinate Bill Gates, and then hole up in a cave shooting anyone who comes near.
wow... you guys are smart mouthing off like that... you do realize you could be questioned for something like this if something ever does happen to him... no joke.

Travis Dane
01-27-2003, 01:54 PM
Originally posted by civix
Muahaha... I had fun writing that :p :D

You have a MS OS yourself and youre insulting MS?

deathstryke
01-27-2003, 02:31 PM
It gives me that much more right to complain/make wise cracks as I have to put up with it on a daily basis.

The only thing keeping me from going to linux is the fact that I have way too many dos/win games that I still would want to play.

ammar
01-27-2003, 02:55 PM
It's the first time I see it... It's nice.
I like the one about Mac computers.

Fountain
01-27-2003, 04:07 PM
Originally posted by deathstryke
It gives me that much more right to complain/make wise cracks as I have to put up with it on a daily basis.

The only thing keeping me from going to linux is the fact that I have way too many dos/win games that I still would want to play.



Yeh right-buy XP and be happy.

dos/win games holding you back? You make the move my friend-Go on make your life hard.

Then can we laugh at you, or at least say told you so!

But I guess you will blame M/S for the failure of Linux. Some weird way or other you all find a way to blame M/S. The grass is not always greener my friend. Think about it.

Sebastiani
01-28-2003, 12:59 AM
If MS made cars...

1) All the gadgetry would be accompanied by little "help"/"what's this" buttons that when clicked would say things like "this is a radio." and "this is a heads-up display".

2) Before you die in a crash the blue screen of death suddenly appears.

3) On cold mornings the car might not start, but would alert "The car is busy and is not responding..."

4) An innocent fill-up at the gas station may result in the pump installing cookies and making changes to the registry. In addition, if the pumping process is in anyway interupted, the gas would be reclaimed by the pump and you'd have to start all over again.

5) Under no circumstances may you loan the car to anyone, as that may be viewed as pirating hardware.

6) The car's ini fles never *quite* remember how you last positioned mirrors, seats, and stearing columns, often setting them at absurd angles.

7) If you drive the MS Explorer and it malfunctions, you have to reset the "Active Dashboard". In addition, the upholstry and dash sometimes accumulate annoying backgrounds, Yahoo search bars, etc.

8) When you make several mistakes, the car displays the error message that "the proper driver has not been installed to run this vehicle", and the car will abruptly lock-up.

9) Right when you are making a crucial manuever, the steering wheel loses focus to some other control, and you barely escape death...

10) If you turn left twice, hit the accelarator for precisely 3 seconds, and then slam on the brakes, Bill's face will appear in your mirror...an easter egg planted by Gates himself.

face_master
01-28-2003, 02:58 AM
...

11) If you leave a different brand car in the same garage as the MS car over night (especially if you got it for free or built it yourself), your MS car will blow out the other car's tires and sabotage its engine.

ammar
01-28-2003, 04:07 AM
Originally posted by face_master
...

11) If you leave a different brand car in the same garage as the MS car over night (especially if you got it for free or built it yourself), your MS car will blow out the other car's tires and sabotage its engine.

You are 10000% right about that!

RoD
01-28-2003, 05:48 AM
Originally posted by Travis Dane
You have a MS OS yourself and youre insulting MS?

I love XP, i just like picking on God Gates.

deathstryke
01-28-2003, 08:09 AM
Actually my main issue at the moment (haven't had win95 crash in years) is the implications of TCPA:

If M$ made cars they would rent a few senators to pass a bill making the use of any other cars punishable by 5 years in prison and a $500,000 fine.

For proof: see bill S.2048.

civix
01-28-2003, 06:13 PM
Originally posted by Travis Dane
You have a MS OS yourself and youre insulting MS?
Sure why not? I use linux to so I guess I could say I made that post from Linux.

And to Ober's thing:
Whoa...freaky.

Travis Dane
01-28-2003, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by civix
Sure why not? I use linux to so I guess I could say I made that post from Linux.

Then you're just insulting MS because you dont like them for
any reason, even though theyre products rule the world (litteraly)

novacain
01-29-2003, 01:13 AM
the patch you need for the latest 'problem' (ie Slapper worm) would not be available because the MS site is off the 'net, as it is infected by (you guessed it) the Slapper worm!

If MS can't keep up and patch their own servers, what hope do we have?

Travis Dane
01-29-2003, 06:27 AM
Originally posted by novacain
the patch you need for the latest 'problem' (ie Slapper worm) would not be available because the MS site is off the 'net, as it is infected by (you guessed it) the Slapper worm!

If MS can't keep up and patch their own servers, what hope do we have?

Just to clarifiy this one


"We want to make it perfectly clear that all of our databases used in Asheron's Call 2 were patched with the most recent updates, and were unaffected by the worm directly. Our bandwidth however, was affected by the worm because it crashed many other unpatched servers worldwide, and caused unprecedented network congestion. Unfortunately, because of the way this worm works, the ripple effect caused plenty of other problems, which many refer to as "collateral damage."

Thank you, Dont pick on microsoft so easely next time.

napkin111
01-29-2003, 12:05 PM
The patch actually came out in July of last year. I play Asheron's Call 2 and I can tell ya that it sucked for those days not being able to play. If anyone else plays I play in the Coldeve server (KvK baby!) and my character name is napKIN.

novacain
01-29-2003, 11:33 PM
>> Thank you, Dont pick on microsoft so easely next time.

Pardon?

I did not mention any games.

I was pointing out that MS itself can't keep up with the patches it supplies. Because MS servers were infected by an worm based on an exploit they supplied a fix for (as pointed out by Napkin111) six months ago.

I was not refeering to the fact, that like the rest of the 'net, they lost bandwidth.

If MS system admins can't keep up with MS patches how can an ordinary user?