View Full Version : The witch who stole english!

01-05-2003, 01:37 PM
Ok recently my fav english teacher left due to pregnancy and we got a rlly crappy sub. We had to re-write a christmas story in a clever manner, i choose the grinch and chnaged it a little. This is a rough draft but it stays within her guidelines while making my point. For those of you who will tell me its ignorant, well you'd have to meet her.

Enjoy it:

btw: cprog messed up some of the formatting, and heywood was my old teachers last name.

Every student down in Heywood Ville liked English a lot, but the witch that would soon be their teacher, would make them not. The students hated the witch, the witch’s entire being! Now please don’t ask why, the reasons we have would surely force her to cry. It could be perhaps, that her head isn’t screwed on right, or it could be her pants are way too tight. But it seems the most likely reason of all, is her brain is just about two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, her pants or her brain, she stood there in front of the class, being hated by the students, staring down on them with her face in a strain. For she knew every student down in Heywood Ville was thinking, plotting, hating her with all they had, if she had a heart, it may have made her sad. “They’re plotting against me”, she said with a sneer, “I can feel the mutiny, it’s practically here!”

For soon, she knew, they would all fight back. They’d yell and they’d scream; they knew they were right, they’d rebel and defend, and fight in unity to bring upon her end. Then the students, both anxious and bold, would stand and fight. And they would fight. And fight!

They would fight against quizzes, they would fight against test, they would fight against her for it is her that they more then detest! Then the students would do what the witch liked least, they would all stand together to point out her flaws, they would dig into her with they’re long, sharp claws!

The more the witch thought of this, the angrier she became, she thought to herself “I must stop this from coming; I must give them more work! Yes more work that is the key, if it’s the last thing they do they will respect me!”


The thought perplexed the witch, forced her to ponder, and it wasn’t long before her mind started to wander. “I could do this or that, I could do that or this, it has to be good, they truly must be ........ed!” the witch exclaimed.

Then she had a thought! She had an awful thought! The witch had a wonderful, awful thought!

“I know!” she screamed, “It’s exactly my sort of trick, I’ll assign a five page report, they shall really think me a prick! All I need is a theme, something truly evil it must seem…I know, I’ll make them do a Christmas story, I will watch them all squirm as I relish in my glory!”

The witch hurriedly ran to her computer, rich with her sinister idea. “I’ll force them to like me, I’ll force them to see, they’ll forget all about Heywood, as she surely knew they would!” The witch’s fingers flew across the keys like a graceful figure skater on newly frozen ice. With each stroke she became more enticed to continue, with each key press she became a little more evil.

The witch cackled and laughed, happy with her ploy, for it was in the student’s pain she would find joy. She was horrid and angry, anxious to force upon the students the fear she felt they’re pure hearts deserved. She wanted to seem them tremble, squirm restlessly in the chairs that would be they’re chariots into the gates of her hell.

“The students shall feel my desire, from this moment forth they will burn in the fire of my hell, from the scream of the bell till the last seconds of class, they will toil beneath me, and they will be forced to kiss my ass.” the witch beckoned to herself.

The night fell dark, the cold breeze of the wind sending shivers down the spines of all whom were the victims of its icy grip. All of the students in Heywood Ville felt a stab of tension, for they somehow knew, tomorrow was going to bring upon something none of them expected….something, truly evil.

The witch stood before the class, a class that would never be hers. She wanted more then anything to be the cause of the students stress and heartache. There was a challenge for her however; for it was the student’s loyalty to Heywood she was unable to break. The loyalty was of a caliber she had never seen before, they loved they’re old teacher, and she was losing grip on them because of it.

“I realize, class, that today is the last day before Christmas break. Now you have almost two full weeks off, so I think you need some work to do over the break. I am assigning a five page paper due on the Monday after your return. The papers I am passing out indicate the criteria that you must meet when writing the paper.” The witch announced with much pleasure.

The class exploded in anger and rejection to her authority. The students refused and yelled; making their dislike of her and her ways known. It was the witch they hated, it was her they despised, and if you looked a bit closer you could see it in their eyes. The students loathed the witch’s entire soul, they wanted her gone. Who was she to do this to them, who was she to act like Heywood?

This witch would never be their teacher; she could never fill those shoes! Heywood was the best thing to ever happen to English, this witch isn’t her and never could be, if we can clearly see this, why can’t she?

The class took the assignment with hesitation, hatred the common emotion in their Heywood devoted minds. The witch was stealing their hopes, their dreams, goals, and their true loves! Everything they have come to love and embrace was being ripped from them like candy from an innocent child!

The break came and went, without a drop of time on this paper spent. Every student in Heywood Ville was feeling the need to conform, the need to do this paper they so dread to embrace. The students of Heywood Ville all sat down to their keyboards and began to pump out the sad excuse for a English paper.

There was one student in particular who caught my attention however; Heywood Ville’s own little Steve Billington. You see Billington hates the witch more than any other student, possibly more than anyone else in existence. It was Heywood, who got him to write with his true ability, and it was that bond, and only that bond, that kept him interested in English.

“How to write this paper?” thought Steve to himself, “I need a powerful topic, something that will grasp the attention of anyone who reads it, but to leave a striking point behind afterwards. I know exactly what I will do; I will write this paper with a theme the witch can relate too, yes that’s exactly how I will write it!”

So Steve began on his paper, intent on making his point loud and clear, and if we stay around a bit longer, we may just see how it ends.

To be continued….

01-05-2003, 02:04 PM
You shuold at least give it the same rhyme-y tone of the Grinch. Otherwise you've butchered poor Suess's story.

01-05-2003, 04:44 PM
How much time do you spend in detention?

01-05-2003, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by salvelinus
How much time do you spend in detention?

Well its due tommorow but i won't spend anytime in detention. There is not a single thing in that story that goes outside of a school rule or her set guidelines. I meets all requirements, and our school key(rule book) specifically allows for up to five curse words in a entire work of literature by any student, with the exclusion of the f word, and when in direct reference to a named person or being of other then inanimate nature.

It also states reference to another may be used so long as the other is not directly named.

My paper is entirely legit, she can be ........ed off but she can't do anything, and should she fail me i'll appeal it to the students rights board (yea we have one) where it would be reviewed by two seperate english teacher with no bias in the situation.

I've appealed before, and won, and worse things.

As far as the rhyme scheme i had to change it, it has to be based off and similiar too, but it can't have the same flow. So to use the rhyme scheme entirely would have been the same flow. We also had to use our own style while attempting to stay within bounds of the author. I think i did fairly well.

01-06-2003, 01:14 AM
Have you ever thought about your new teacher ? How likely was it she wanted to be the sub in your class ? Give her a chance. You are using very strong words speaking for the whole class and you are insulting her personally. Did you ever got a bad grade and having a teacher tell you are are simply too dumb to get it ? I bet you don't. Show respect and you will get respect. Tell someone you hate her and insult her and you will always be the arrogant boy. How is she supposed to handle this ? What grade do you expect ? If you get a poor one, will you accept it for what it is, or will you blame it on her because you insulted her ?

Don't be afraid of her. She is probably a bit frightened of her new class as well. Fear is the path to the dark side, Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering.

01-06-2003, 08:57 AM
the sub sounds like a butt. but it also sounds like the sub had quit a lot to live up too. it is cool that your school actually has a student rights board and a curse word rule. our school needs that and more to improve it. students cant appeal for much of anything around here, unless you're an athelete, then you can get away with anything. as for the story it did kind of lose its rhyme scheme at the end. but i still like it.

01-06-2003, 11:24 AM
id give the story a higher rating if it werent so hateful and juvenile.

i was in a G/T honors english class in highschool and we had to read practically a book a week, and i have had one nights worth of time to do essays for that class, and yet you have 2 weeks to write a measly 5 pages without even needing to use referance materials and you consider it vile torture.

i was in comp 1 my first year in college and almost right away me and my english teacher clashed. we had to write a persuasive paper for the second essay and i intentionally chose a topic that i knew she felt strongly about and then intentionally chose to take the defense of the opposing argument. when it came time to turn in our topics and outlines, i could tell she was unhappy about my choice. i knew my only reason for chosing this topic was to get on her nerves, and i had some time to think about the choice i made. i decided it wasnt the proper thing to do and instead chose a lighthearted topic. i wrote a humerous essay instead, and my teacher actually liked it. from then on, we got along great, and i ended up pulling an easy A from the class.

take advice from someone who has been in your shoes: work a different angle, and dont do something just because you know it will make her mad. thats how feuds get started. use this "true ability" that mrs. heywood showed you you had, and write something that is both impressive and non-offensive...

01-06-2003, 12:16 PM
... made a good point. You know, subs also make out reports on the class for the regular teachers. What's yours going to say? Not that you might care about the report itself, but about what the good teacher thinks of you when she reads it.
Maybe your story falls w/in the technical guidelines, but at least in many schools a clear personal attack like that would get you a hearing, but not in front of a student rights board.
OTOH, she may get a laugh out of it, who knows?

01-06-2003, 01:43 PM
ok lemme change sub to replacement. See shes our teacher for the remainder of the year, and we spent a GREAT deal of time trying to get her respect/etc but were tired of it.

She assigned another report, write a song as a group and sing it in front of the class, its two test grades and a 0 with no performance, now i know she can't force that...

01-06-2003, 01:44 PM
Sing "Baby got back" and convince her that you are Six Mixalot.

01-06-2003, 01:58 PM
i'm not singing anything, she wrote our entire class up for asking "too many" questions iho, we asked like four and she wasn't even talking, she TOLD us to ask, shes just ........ed we don't like her. I know not all teachers are bad etc, this one is and its not like its us(students), my old teacher doens't like her, nobody i have spoke to on the faculty likes her, its sad honestly.

01-06-2003, 02:29 PM
Well, I guess singing is going too far :p Never knew a teacher to assign singing past elementary music class. If she heard my singing she'd be on leave... It is hard being a sub in high school, I've done it myself.
But you're stuck with her, apparently, so might as well get used to it. Maybe a group of you could approach her - nicely, not with a ........ed off attitude - and try to talk it over with her. If that doesn't work, try approaching other teachers, counselors or administration. Can you get hold of your old teacher, realizing she's probably occupied with a new baby? You may still get nowhere, but at least then you can't be accused of just being a whiny teen with a snotty attitude.
The best remedy I've found for bad teachers, those who don't respond to the students, is to just do what's required and zone out the rest. And June is just 6 months away.

If you do sing, how about recording it and uploading the file? :p
Probably a blues tune would be best

01-06-2003, 02:34 PM
I talk to my old teacher almost every night actually. Shes been my teacher(somehow it worked that way) for the last two years, counting this one. Shes only like 24 so like she relates to us very well, and shes become one of my best friends, someone i can talk to about anything. So her leaving i guess i have a larger bias then most, as many don't have that bond with her, but that doesn't mean i do it to ........ off the new girl. My old teacher is the only reason i'm not failing the class, honestly.

We have tried to talk to her, all she says its my class my way she won't hear it! Its ok, breathe in, breathe out...

01-06-2003, 02:34 PM
I'm not singing.....

01-06-2003, 02:48 PM
Come on... You know the words...

"I like big butts and I cannot lie...."

01-06-2003, 03:00 PM
"you other brothers can't deny...."

HEY! quit that!

01-07-2003, 05:30 PM
You have impressive skill in writing, and it shows in this narrative. The theme, unfortunately, needs work. By the end of the first paragraph or two, I could tell exactly where this story was headed. It's okay to vent your frustrations, but I think such a caustic piece of satire--aimed at your teacher no less--is a less than cordial way to participate in class. You just have to bear out the annoying people.

Now please excuse me while I take a dose of my own medicine....

01-07-2003, 05:56 PM
I agree it was a little harsh, but i can't write unless i have a interest in it, so i had to do something i wanted to do. I've written stories before that teachers have used as a piece of curricular example for more then a few aspects of literature, but only when i was into it.

01-08-2003, 05:36 AM
The writting is nice but....
Do you hate your new teacher that much, I mean your old teacher is great, but that doesn't mean the new one isn't, I think you should give her a chance...

01-08-2003, 05:41 AM
Yes i do, and as i have stated several times in this thread, WE DID give her a chance, several chances.

01-08-2003, 05:44 AM
Originally posted by Ride -or- Die
Yes i do, and as i have stated several times in this thread, WE DID give her a chance, several chances.
Well, if she is really bad, I think she deserves it...
Give he that writting...
I really hate bad teachers...

01-08-2003, 05:53 AM
she got it monday, heres to hoping its graded today, i wasn't there yesterday. GTG actually, later on.