PDA

View Full Version : Abusive b/f.....



RoD
09-29-2002, 06:30 PM
Ok guys this is on a real serious note, i been thinking scince friday and i'm going ****ing nuts here.

I used to see this girl for like 3 years, up until last year. Well her new b/f is abusing her but shes protecting him. She won't get help, and she won't let me help her. I almost killed this guy friday but my boys pulled me into the truck.

I am so close to killing this guy cause i see nothing else i can do, but i'm more afriad hes going to go after her if i go after him. I am so scared for her in anything i do.

I love this girl alot and i am seriously torn here....

//edit: i didn't mean LITERALLY kill.....

-KEN-
09-29-2002, 06:32 PM
Go over her head and confront him. Tell him that if he lays a hand on her in a menacing way again, you'll tear him to shreds.

RoD
09-29-2002, 06:34 PM
Yea but if he thinks shes selling out on him he might mess her up really bad...

-KEN-
09-29-2002, 06:37 PM
How do you 'know' that she's being abused?

If she has any physical marks on her, nonchelantly ask "Gee, I wonder what happened to her?" and watch him squirm. That's always fun.

Beyond that, if there are physical marks you could always call the police. She'd probably hate you for a bit but then she'd probably figure out you may have saved her life.

On the flipside, confront HER. ask her WHY she lets him do the things, and question her until her brain melts.

RoD
09-29-2002, 06:39 PM
He gave her a black eye, a BAD one, and she told me he did it. If i called the cops shed protect him...shes done it before with her ex. And shed never forgive me, shes not one to forgive easily.

I really shoudl confront him and not give him a chance to get to her.

ygfperson
09-29-2002, 06:55 PM
he already knows you know he's abusing her. (you almost "killed" him before.) so your path is clear -- protect her, scare him away, and/or call the police.

put yourself in her shoes. you're being beaten, but you think it's your fault. you think he deserves to beat you.

you can try to convince her to see what's happening to her if you want. but whether or not she approves, you need to stop him from hurting her. this means calling the police, because you can't mess him up enough to scare him away, aside from literally killing him, and you can't protect her 24 hours a day.

my advice is to get evidence if possible, go to the police, and protect her until they have him.

RoD
09-29-2002, 06:56 PM
yea, like photos or something....even if she never forgives me its better then this, i fear for her all the time.

kermi3
09-29-2002, 07:02 PM
I would confront her again first. Like when he's no where near her. Somewhere where she feels totally safe. Maybe when he's outta town for the weekend or something. Tell her that you're going to ocnfront him if she doesn't. Even if she;ll hate you for it. Then tell her that if she wants to confront him you'll stand behind her and protect her when she does. If you do confront him make sure it's very clear that she never told you anything and that she doesn't want you to confront him.

She is more important than your friendship with her etc.

Hillbillie
09-29-2002, 07:32 PM
Have you tried going to the local women's shelters? I'm sure the shelters would have good advice as they deal with this kind of stuff all of the time...

RoD
09-30-2002, 03:50 AM
you know hill i hdn't thought of that...

thats a really good suggestion kerm... i might just try that.

kermi3
09-30-2002, 05:17 AM
thanks, although if it's bad enough i like the cops too...or shelter.

Good Idea.

endo
09-30-2002, 06:31 AM
You could take some friends round with you and let him know that you are the abusive ex-boyfriend. Let him have explain the black eyes, the bruises and the limp to his friends and family.

Commander
09-30-2002, 10:19 AM
how much is accidental death investigated in your region??
if it's not that much........HINT HINT ;)

Govtcheez
09-30-2002, 10:59 AM
See how big Terry-Tough-Guy is when he's not beating on a woman and beat the ........ out of him.

lightatdawn
09-30-2002, 11:07 AM
I've had to deal with this stuff before. Why are some people such ignorant asses?

The sad thing is that its a lose-lose situation. She wont appreciate what you're doing for her. You're going to have to stick to your guns (so to speak) even though you'll find that nobody supports what you're doing.

Confront her first. Tell her that she deserves better. Try to make her see reason. If she will, get photos, call the police. If she wont, you're in trouble. You can try to get evidence still, but it will be more difficult. Find out what the cops can do, but likely they cant do anything if she wont press charges. They may have some advice for you though. The womens shelter idea is also good.

>>Go over her head and confront him. Tell him that if he lays a hand on her in a menacing way again, you'll tear him to shreds.

Take some friends with you if you go, as someone suggested. Make sure shes not around if you do. I cant suggest that you do this because its impossible to know what will happen. Scare him as much as possible. And realise that if it comes to blows, you are the one whos in trouble with the cops, not him.

This kind of situation is frustrating beyond words, isnt it?

RoD
09-30-2002, 11:54 AM
Aight heres what went down today:

I confronted her at her car before school, we sat in it and talked for a while and went in late. She was scared to go to her car after school cause she knew hed be out there, so me and two buds follwed her out from a distance.

Well unlucky for him he grabbed her and threw her against the car....

My two buds never touched him, i did. Hes sitting in the hospital with two black eyes, 14 stiches from where i put his face thru his windsheild, a more then likely broken arm, and a more then minor concusion.

Because i am 17 and because i have witnesses saying i was defending her, i am off the hook, and hes got a restraining order on him.

I don't think he will be hitting anyone for a very very long time, as for her shes staying here for a few days.

Govtcheez
09-30-2002, 11:58 AM
I think you might be surprised at who he feels like hitting when he gets out of the hospital...

(I had another suggestion, too - after what you said on FD a week or so ago, I was going to suggest you play paintball with him ;))

ober
09-30-2002, 11:58 AM
sounds like he got what was coming to him... I wish all the bastards that do that crap to women would get the same treatment.

RoD
09-30-2002, 11:59 AM
let him come after me, better me then her, i just proved he can't beat me : )

lightatdawn
09-30-2002, 12:14 PM
>>sounds like he got what was coming to him... I wish all the bastards that do that crap to women would get the same treatment.

I second that.

>>I think you might be surprised at who he feels like hitting when he gets out of the hospital...
>>let him come after me, better me then her, i just proved he can't beat me : )

I think govt meant the girl, and hes right. These kind of people are messed up beyond my comprehension but likely as not he'll be ........ed at the girl. It makes no sense but just be careful. Make sure she doesnt go back to talk to him alone in private. Right now make sure theres lots of her (good) friends around and that she knows people are there for her.

RoD
09-30-2002, 12:18 PM
I forsaw that, thats why shes staying at my house, hes got to go through me to get to her.

Govtcheez
09-30-2002, 12:19 PM
Well, is she going to live with you permanently? Is she going to be in your sight at all times? No? Didn't think so.

RoD
09-30-2002, 12:22 PM
no just till his court date, shes agreed to testify and they took medical photos, boy going to jail.

Govtcheez
09-30-2002, 12:25 PM
Probably not for life... Point is, he'll be around at some point. I hope this works out.

lightatdawn
09-30-2002, 12:26 PM
Dito govt.

>>boy going to jail.

Thats a beautiful story (if it works that way). Brings a tear of joy to my eye. These people dont really deserve to live, but often as not, they get away with it completly.

>>shes agreed to testify

Make sure that doesnt change. I know she could get all built up in private and then cant confront the jerk-off when it comes down to it. Trust me, it happens.

RoD
09-30-2002, 12:26 PM
yea so do i, he should get at least 6 months, by then shes moving to FL, were in NJ, he won't get a chance to get to her if i have anything to do with it.

edited after l@d: Yea i agree, they said she can do a video testimony so she doesn't have to face him, and hes to be removed from the court while shes being cross examined.

Govtcheez
09-30-2002, 12:31 PM
Heh, here's to him finding new love... in prison.

RoD
09-30-2002, 12:32 PM
hes weak n skinny, he'll be somebodys *****...

kermi3
09-30-2002, 01:40 PM
...bastard I'll say to start....

Secondly I think you got really lucky not going to jail yourself....I woulda been standing there with phone pre-dialed 911, finger on send, or better still brought a cop along. But I guess all's well that ends well...I almost hope he drops his soap....I'm now going to start abiding by the PG-13 rule again...everyone should.

RoD
09-30-2002, 03:33 PM
Yea, its because i'm a minor, and more importantly because he struck her. Shes sleeping now which is a good thing cause she hans't done that ina while apparently, not enough anyway.

Hes never getting to her again, period.

Aran
09-30-2002, 04:07 PM
don't be sure of that... psychos have their ways.

Cshot
09-30-2002, 05:38 PM
Good to hear that RoD. I'd watch my back if I were you though. Who knows a few years down the road he might come back to get you with weapons and stuff since obviously he can't fight you fist to fist.

Weren't you the guy that looked like the Dell dude? I can't picture a guy looking like that beating people up.

RoD
09-30-2002, 05:59 PM
rofl!

yea thats me man lmfao, i'll have my pics on my site soon enough....

my bud said i have a weird technique, he calls it wailing i call it messing him up lol.