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Cshot
07-23-2002, 01:53 PM
Anyone have a joke so stupid, that it's funny?

I know it's not that great but I'll start it off:

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A: A stick

:D

Pendragon
07-23-2002, 02:12 PM
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Almost as bad. :D

Hillbillie
07-23-2002, 02:30 PM
What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk. :D

d00b
07-23-2002, 02:32 PM
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef. :D

Cshot
07-23-2002, 03:01 PM
There are 4 white pigs, 2 pink pigs, and 1 black pig in a pig pen. How many pigs can say that there's another one that's the same color as him?



None, pigs don't talk :D

d00b
07-23-2002, 03:04 PM
What's green, and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?

A pool table. :D

d00b
07-23-2002, 03:08 PM
What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?

Pat. :D

d00b
07-23-2002, 03:10 PM
What is green and says "blub blub"?

A green Blub Blub.



What is blue and says "blub blub"?

There are no blue Blub Blubs. (duh!)

DISGUISED
07-23-2002, 03:37 PM
Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chickens day off

What do you give a pig with a rash?
Oinkment

moonwalker
07-23-2002, 03:45 PM
Someone who can't speak english properly said the following...

the telephone went green green
then i pinked up the phone and said
yellow ? blue is it ?
white did you say ?
oyoo... wrong number lah...
don't purpley disturb people
and dont call black

:D :)

Fountain
07-23-2002, 03:49 PM
What is the difference between an apple and an orange?







.

Answer....They both can't drive a tractor

MethodMan
07-23-2002, 04:07 PM
Originally posted by Fountain
What is the difference between an apple and an orange?







.

Answer....They both can't drive a tractor

LMAO

What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She has a grenade in her mouth!

I apologize to all the blondes.

Cshot
07-23-2002, 04:18 PM
What is the difference between an apple and an orange? I don't get it. Shouldn't it be, what's similar between....?

Hammer
07-23-2002, 04:20 PM
Originally posted by Cshot
I don't get it. Shouldn't it be, what's similar between....?
Maybe, but your thread is titled
>Post your stupidest jokes here

LMAO :D

Fountain
07-23-2002, 04:40 PM
hehe i thought you would like my oldest joke...

You were correct in the assumption that I could've said...and used to say...What have an apple and an orange GOT IN COMMON?


It is the same answer .

HOWEVER it is much more mind boggling and funny this way:D

Cshot
07-23-2002, 05:48 PM
Two identical twins named Ahmal and Juan were adopted separately when they were born. One day, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. The mother ran up to the father and showed him the picture.

Mother: Look! What a handsome young man Juan has grown up to be. However, I wish Ahmal would send us his picture also.

Father: Well if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal. :D

ygfperson
07-23-2002, 09:11 PM
A guy walks into a bar and says 'ow'.

What green thing makes noise and stalls at the headlights?
A John Deere. ;) :p

What's not human and speaks English?
A radio.

If a woodchuck would chuck wood, and if a woodchuck could chuck wood, would a woodchuck chuck wood?
Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck wood ?
Oh. Shut up.

d00b
07-23-2002, 10:25 PM
Two electrons are sitting on a bench in the park. Another electron comes walking by and says, "Hi there, can I come sit with you?", to which the electrons reply, "Don't be ridiculous, we aren't Bosons!"

Betazep
07-24-2002, 01:44 AM
A horse walks into a bar... and the bartender says....

"hey pal, why the long face?"

+++++++++

A duck walks into a bar and sits on the barstool. The bartender says, "What ya havin'?"

The duck says, "Grapes."

The bartender says, "This is a bar... we don't serve grapes. Look at the menu, and I will get back with you."

The duck picks up the menu and studies it. The bartender comes back and says, "So pal... you know what you want yet?"

The duck says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender says, "Look pal. I already told you... we don't serve no grapes here. Anything else you want."

The duck says, "Well then, on second thought, I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, furious, replies, "WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES DUCK! NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?... AND IF YOU SAY GRAPES, I WILL NAIL YOUR FEATHERED ARSE TO THE BARSTOOL."

The duck says, "Got any nails."
Bartender, "No... does this look like a hardware store."





Duck, "Good. Then I'll have the grapes."

(dumb enough for ya?)

+++++++++

A rabbi goes to the town of Trid. When he get's there, he sees all the people banged up... some in crutches and wheel chairs.

The rabbi walks up to one the townsfolk and says, "My son... why are you and everyone else around here so banged up?"

"Well rabbi. We trade with the town over that mountain there, but recently an ogre moved in and has be knocking us all off the mountain as we try to pass."

"Well that doesn't seem right." said the rabbi. "I will go with you the next time you go and talk to this ogre."

So they all left to trade there wares, and as they get to the top of the mountain... a ferocious ogre jumps out from behind a rock and kicks all the townsfolk down the mountain.

The rabbi, standing there staring at the ogre, said, "What did you do that for, ogre?"

The ogre replied, "Silly rabbi... kicks are for Trids."

++++++++++

Three pieces of string are hopping down the road when they start to get thirsty.

They hop up and into a bar, jump up on the barstool and say, "Bartender... three beers."

The bartender says, "We don't serve string in here.... now get out!"

The strings slowly leave the bar with their little string tips held low.

Outside of the bar one of them gets an idea. He rolls himself into a ball, ties himself into knots, and proceeds to fray himself up really good.

Then he rolls into the bar, and up onto the barstool.

"Bartender. A beer!"

The bartender looks at him. "Aren't you a piece of string."

"No. I'm afraid not."

(a frayed knot)

The Dog
07-24-2002, 02:55 AM
Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he was dead

Why did the second koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he was stapled to the first one

Why did the third koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he thought the others were playing a game

What did the cyclist die of?
-> falling koala bears

:D :D :D

moonwalker
07-24-2002, 05:52 AM
One atom says to the other..

Hey, you know what ? I lost an electron ..

What ? Are you sure ?

Yes, I'm Positive!

:)

mithrandir
07-24-2002, 06:45 AM
Why couldn't the cat drink its milk?
Its head was nailed to the ground.

Nick
07-24-2002, 09:30 AM
http://www.stg.brown.edu/cgi-bin/dynaweb/nph-dweb/dynaweb/boccaccio/eng-deca/

If you can find the story about the wife who has an affair with her husband's best friend...

Hillbillie
07-24-2002, 09:34 AM
A guy walks into the bar and orders five beers. Then he chugs them one after another.

The bartender asks, "Why did you order then chug five beers so quickly?"

"I just had my first BJ."

"Hey, that's great! Congrats. Here's another beer on the house."

The guy says, "Look, pal, I just drank five beers. You think another one is gonna help wash the taste out of my mouth?!"

:D

ober
07-24-2002, 09:37 AM
LMAO!!! :D

civix
07-24-2002, 01:39 PM
Actually d00b, Ive seen pool tables with grey, blue, or red felt :D

biosninja
07-29-2002, 06:37 AM
Why can't pigs fly?

'cos they don't have any wings:p

Jet_Master
07-30-2002, 10:36 AM
q: when someone calls you from behind, why do you look back?














a: because you dont have eyes at the back of your head.

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________


q: a bird was flying when suddenly it laid an egg. but the egg
didnt fall down. why?















a: the bird was wearing a diaper...

Inept Pig
07-30-2002, 10:41 AM
Q:What's yellow and falls out of trees?


A: A Bulldozer

------------------------------------------------------

Q:Why did the boy fall off his bicycle?


A:Because somebody threw a fridge at him

Jet_Master
07-30-2002, 10:46 AM
http://www.stg.brown.edu/cgi-bin/dy...accio/eng-deca/

If you can find the story about the wife who has an affair with her husband's best friend...
hey nick, why dont you just give us the direct link... it is not gonna be easy to find the specific story you are talking about without further clues...

d00b
07-30-2002, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by civix
Actually d00b, Ive seen pool tables with grey, blue, or red felt :D
Ok then....

Q: What's green and if fell out of a tree would kill you?

A: A green pool table (or a John Deere combine)

Cshot
07-30-2002, 12:29 PM
What do you call two guys in a sleeping bag?















Ken and Ober :p

Betazep
07-30-2002, 01:04 PM
>>Ken and Ober

That is the funniest joke I have ever heard. :D:D:D:D

face_master
07-31-2002, 12:41 AM
uh, i dont get it :confused:

(damn slow kids...)
__________________________

Two cats are staring at a computer mouse. One says to the other: "why dont you eat that mouse? I can't believe you cant see that its in disguise...". The other replies: "yes, but i'm just a little confused ... whats that thing attatched to his tail?"
__________________________

btw, I couldn't stop laughing at the koala joke :D:D

ober
07-31-2002, 06:34 AM
Originally posted by Cshot
What do you call two guys in a sleeping bag?



Ken and Ober :p

since I don't have the correct smiley: .l.. :p

doubleanti
07-31-2002, 09:03 AM
haha kudos on your scrappie ness... in his behalf .|.. er... haha...

Cshot
07-31-2002, 11:01 AM
since I don't have the correct smiley: .l.. :p
You mean like this:

t :D t


Knock Knock
Who's there?
It's me.
Oh hi, come on in.

MethodMan
07-31-2002, 02:46 PM
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

Jet_Master
08-01-2002, 09:36 AM
look at my signature

Jet_Master
08-01-2002, 09:39 AM
why was the skeleton lonely at the ball?












because he had nobody to dance with!!

Inept Pig
08-02-2002, 05:51 AM
A kindergarten teacher decides she’s going to teach her students a lesson about the five senses. She wants to start with taste, so she brings in flavored sucking candies to class, blindfolds the children, and asks them to taste each one. The students have no problem identifying the cherry, lemon, and lime flavors, but when it comes to the honey sucker, they’re stumped.

“I’ll give you a hint,” the teacher says. “You may hear your mommies and daddies call each other this flavor at home.”

“Spit ’em out! Spit ’em out!” cries one child. “They’re ass holes!”

Jet_Master
08-02-2002, 04:23 PM
A truck driver once got a job of transferring 500 penguins from somewhere in Alaska to a Zoo in California. He was paid $5000 for the job.

On the way, his truck broke down some 200 miles from the destination. He was waiting in the heat and the penguins were pretty uncomfortable. While waiting, he saw a bigger truck passing by and he signalled the driver to stop. Then he asked the driver to take the penguins to the zoo for $1000, and the driver agreed.

Later the first truck driver fixed his truck and finally got to the Zoo. And from his truck, he saw the other truck driver crossing the street and there were the 500 penguins crossing behind him.The man got off and ran to the second driver and asked him what's happening. The Man said,"You told me to take the penguins to the zoo. I did. Now I am taking them to the movies!!"