PDA

View Full Version : funny!



Unregistered#2000000
07-20-2002, 10:35 PM
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?


Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University. In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."


The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca and Gary - last names deleted.


STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca ...)



At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverise the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporised poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi- literate adolescent.

---------------------------------------------------------

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FU**ING TEA??? Oh no I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

..........hole.

----------------------------------------------------------

Bi*ch.

----------------------------------------------------------

W..........er.

----------------------------------------------------------

Sl*t.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get f***ed.

----------------------------------------------------------

Eat ...........

----------------------------------------------------------

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

Go drink some tea - w*ore.

lightatdawn
07-20-2002, 10:49 PM
*LMAO* I'm ........ing myself with laughter! *ROTFL*

Its difficult to express how funny I found that! Thank you for sharing; I sypathise with that poor guy though. :p At least his segments had content. Though neither one of them express much talent in the literacy department, both are far better than some distressing attempts I have seen previously.

*chuckles* I'm saving that one.

Dual-Catfish
07-20-2002, 11:18 PM
That is hilarious. The guy was obviously trying to completely contradict the girls intentions as to where the story was headed. It seems like something I'd do if I got that kind of assignment.

My god: "Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live..." when I read that, I swear I laughed for about 5 minutes...

If only that went on a little further and didn't diminish into one word insults.. :D

dbaryl
07-20-2002, 11:21 PM
LOLz! :D

Just when I thought it was going to be a back and forth switching of subjects, they get it perfectly and follow up with 10 entries ON THE SAME TOPIC!

...This one get's an A+, thought the professor. :D

ihsir
07-20-2002, 11:45 PM
ROTFL This is SO funny, cant stop laughing :D Have to send this to my buddies.:D

C_Coder
07-21-2002, 12:57 AM
heh heh that was brilliant, deserves a pulitzer prize!!!
Way to go Gary

face_master
07-21-2002, 02:09 AM
This is really funny! Its great.

Pendragon
07-21-2002, 05:03 AM
LOL! I've seen this before. It's hilarious! :D

Commander
07-21-2002, 07:31 PM
that was GOOD!

but i must say, that i enjoyed the action part that came from gary then that other STUPID thing from that girl(no offence ofcourse) I mean, this tells me that how might those stupid romance novels sound like!! I knew someone who read about 3 romance books each day! ........, how can they do that to themselves? this is a absolute disgrace to the human race :mad:

even though what both of em wrote b4, when it came to the swearing, they were both equal :D i'm surprised:) j/k

Xterria
07-21-2002, 08:04 PM
I feel it would have made me chortle, but alas, my time of this board draws to a close.

Sentaku senshi
07-21-2002, 08:18 PM
That's great, one question can you stop posting?

Xterria
07-21-2002, 10:15 PM
sorry i ran out of tictacs
maybe i can get some in the mall
they got them there right yeah
maybe while im at it i can get a sticker

no-one
07-21-2002, 10:45 PM
HAHAHAAHAHAAH! thats hilarious, very good.

Cshot
07-22-2002, 11:44 AM
LOL

W..........er :D

ober
07-22-2002, 12:02 PM
Originally posted by Sentaku senshi
That's great, one question can you stop posting?

I second that movement...

All those in favor, will you please say "I"?

Fountain
07-22-2002, 04:50 PM
AYE..AYE..AYE.AYE;)

DrakkenKorin
07-22-2002, 07:43 PM
What 12 year old knows what a chortle is and how to use it (the word that is). Do you know its etiology?

MethodMan
07-22-2002, 07:58 PM
LMAO, that was hilarious, and to think that they actually turned it in. Unbelievable!

mithrandir
07-22-2002, 08:11 PM
If I were an academic I would say:

Indeed, that was a most humorous anecdote analysing the trials and tribulations of the male/female relationship. Perhaps there are some inaccuracies depicted, but considering that (after all) it was not intended to form a serious academic argument, I shall let any of these annoyances be forgotten lest I am to forget the spirit of humour in which said anecdote was written.

If I were a real person I would say:

LMAO.

-KEN-
07-22-2002, 08:25 PM
AYEAYEAYEAYEAYE!!!

Now that that's voer with...heh...I've seen this one before...so funny :)

LOL, I love this part: "more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago"