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Cprogrammer
09-29-2001, 11:01 AM
Three Engineers are driving in a car, an Electrical Engineer, a Chemical Engineer and a Microsoft Engineer. The car suddenly stops and the Electrical Engineer since he knows a lot about circuits checks the circuitry of the car and he couldn't find the problem. The Chemical Engineer doesn't know much about cars and he checks the fuel but he also couldn't find the problem. The Microsoft Engineer doesn't know anything about cars and he said lets close all our windows, get out of the car, come back in and open our windows.

lightatdawn
09-29-2001, 12:54 PM
A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin.
Somebody asked her how that could be possible.

"Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he
died before we could consummate the marriage."

"The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our
wedding day."

"The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he
just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was
going to be."

lightatdawn
09-29-2001, 12:56 PM
Heres another one (one of my favorites). Its a little old but still good. :D



Windows 95 - The right choice

Newest propaganda campaign from Redmond

So you've all heard of OS/2 Warp. Here's why Windows 95 is the right
operating system for you:

Enhanced error handling:
Over the past 12 months, MicroSoft has been working intensively on
the bugs inherent in Windows 3.1. The result: an advanced operating
system with greatly enhanced bugs. All of the Windows 3.1 bugs are
present in Windows 95, and run faster than ever. We have also
introduced a range of new bugs never before seen in an operating
system of this type. Whether you are a professional programmer, a
casual user, or a game player, Windows 95 offers a larger range of
bugs than any other operating system on the market.

32-bit Memory Management:
Windows 95 offers full 32-bit management of 16 bit memory. After a
considerable amount of work, the familiar "General Protection Fault"
is nowhere to be seen. The GPF has been replaced by two
significantly improved errors:
"Specific Protection Fault" - used to corrupt an individual 16-bit
process.
"Global Protection Fault" - this powerful memory management facility
will allow a corrupt process not only to corrupt all other running
processes, but corrupt processes on all other machines within a
five-mile radius. Even now we are developing "pre-emptive" memory
management, which will be able to corrupt processes which are not
yet running.

Threaded Multi-Tasking:
The cooperative multi-tasking found in Windows 3.1 has now been
replaced with the far more powerful "uncooperative multi-tasking".
This enhancement will allow several processes to crash
simultaneously. Our new crash protection facility greatly enhances
the multi-tasking environment. Should one process fail, the CPF will
prevent this process from being disturbed by other cleanly running
processes. The multi-threading environment allows one process to
generate multiple errors, while still remaining separate from other
threads.

Time Saving Abilities:
Everyone has had their system crash whilst editing a document that
had not yet been saved. Re-entering the lost data can be frustrating
and time-consuming. Windows 95 eliminates this problem by causing
processes to crash much earlier, significantly reducing data loss.

So, anyone can see why Windows 95 offers greater power at a greater
price than any other operating system available today. So, when
choosing your next operating system, remember our motto:

Windows 95 - Tomorrow's Bugs, Today.