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C_Coder
05-30-2002, 12:41 PM
I know your a BIG Man U fan stevey so I thought maybe we could have a dumb Beckham thread :D


Alex Ferguson is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, He gets all the way to the final question:
For 1 million pounds which creature lives in a set
(A) A Fox (B) A cuckoo
(C) A Badger (D) A Rabbit

"Well" says Alex "I'm not sure"
"You have 2 lifelines, 50/50 and phone a friend" says tarrant
"Errr 50/50 please"says Alex

(B) A Cuckoo
(C) A Badger

"Mmmm I'm still not sure, I'll have to phone a friend" says Alex
"Ok" says Tarrant "Which friend?"
"David Beckham" says Alex

*phone rings*

"Hello"
"Hello, this is Chris from who wants to be a millionaire, is that David?" says Tarrant
"Yes" says David
"Good, the next voice you hear will be Alex's" says Tarrant

Alex tells David the question and gives him the two possible answers

"It's a badger" says David
"Are you 100% sure David?" says Alex
"Yes" says David "It's definatley a badger"

So Alex answers the question with badger and wins a million pounds.

The next day at training Alex thanks David for helping him win

"Thanks David I couldn't have done it without you" says Alex
"No problem boss" says David
"To be honest" says Alex "I'm surprised you knew that a badger lives in a set"
"Well actually I didn't" says David "But I know that cuckoo's live in clocks"

Still I hope he scores few a goals over the next few weeks

C'MON ENGLAND

pode
05-30-2002, 01:40 PM
u think u will win against sweden?

C_Coder
05-30-2002, 02:06 PM
>> u think u will win against sweden?

Who are they???

pode
05-30-2002, 02:48 PM
hmm, anyway i home u will loose for two reasons

1. i dont like english football
2. your coach sven goran erikson is swedish

Clyde
05-30-2002, 03:35 PM
We bloody better beat Sweden.


Damn you Giggs, why, WHY, I mean Wales, WALES!! Ugh.

stevey
05-30-2002, 04:34 PM
:D

that Beckham, he's just so fick !! I wonder if his missus does take it u.....I'd better shut up.

i don't actually know any David Beckham jokes.....i'll have to ask my mates.

Re Giggs, what a strange decision to play for Wales, i don't think he even was born there ?? and we have so few left footers too..what a waste. he'll never play in a world cup.

Beckham, Scholes, Giggs, Gerrard.....that would have been a great midfield.....mmmmmm......pity.

who doesn't like English football ??? the Premiership is the best in the world. best to watch for sure, and also becoming the best teams also. the french have 6 out of their (probable) first 11 playing here. so do the swedes. ireland have all their first 11 from the premiership.

Clock Ender
05-30-2002, 05:03 PM
posh spice is a slapper
she wears a wonder bra
and when shes shagging Beckham
she thinks of Ray Parlour

stevey
05-30-2002, 05:37 PM
David Beckham is on top of the main stand at Old Trafford ready to jump
off after a nightmare first half of the Premiership and World Cup
campaign. He's lost the World Cup for England by getting himself sent
off and everyone and his dog hates him, Posh spice has dumped him for
Michael Owen and United have put him on the transfer market for ten quid
because he's playing ****e.>
As he's about to jump off Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder and
asks "Are you OK David?".>
David explains how his life is a mess and gets ready to jump! "STOP!"
shouts father christmas "I'll grant you any three wishes on the
understanding that you do me a favour".
"That would be top!" says Beckham. "Cheers Father Christmas, thankyou,thankyou."
>So Beckham lists his three wishes which are:
1) In the Argentina match he didn't kick the argy but shoots from the
freekick and scores. ENGLAND go on to win the World Cup and he is a
National Hero.2) He marries posh spice and lives in happiness for evermore.
3) He is made best footballer in the world by FIFA and his wages go up
to a million a week>Father Christmas says OK all your wishes are granted.
"Oh thank you thank you!!!" says Beckham " What do I have to do?" Father
Christmas tells Beckham to drop his pants and bend over. After a brutal
rogering , Father Christmas asks Beckham how old he is.
"24" replies Beckham.
"You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas!!" laughs the fat, gay
Manchester City fan.

stevey
05-30-2002, 05:44 PM
BECKHAM GOES RIDING

David Beckham decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience.
He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle. In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly unaware of its slipping rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over again.
Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground. He is mere moments away from unconsciousness, perhaps death, when to his great fortune.....
The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.

stevey
05-30-2002, 05:46 PM
what's the difference between graeme le sauxs' chin and ian bothams cricket bat ?
graeme le sauxs' chin has hit more balls than ian bothams cricket bat. !! :D

thats slightly off topic.....any chelsea fans ??

stevey
05-30-2002, 05:55 PM
David Beckham walks into a library and says, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries, please."

The librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library."

Beckham looks embarrassed and whispers, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries."

David Beckham is doing a parachute jump for charity. It's his first jump, so he's extremely nervous. The instructor calmly explains to him that it's all very easy - the minute he jumps out of the plane, the parachute will open automatically. Failing that, there's a personal pullstring, and if that fails, there's the emergency pull-string, and then it's all plain sailing, easy landing, truck to pick you up and back to Old Trafford for a hot bath and dinner.

David Beckham feels reassured. He jumps out. The automatic catch doesn't work. First pull, no luck. The second pull-string comes away in his hand. And David Beckham says:

"Bet there's no truck waiting either."


David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help to donate sperm?" asks Beckham.
The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

Commander
05-30-2002, 06:06 PM
I think Italy has a good chance!

Inspector
05-30-2002, 11:34 PM
Pode is being very stupid here...

adrianxw
05-31-2002, 12:28 AM
After a minor accident, Beckham went to hospital and was asked to remove his walkman, he refused. It was explained to him that he really needed to remove the walkman so he could be treated. Finally he agreed, removed the walkman, turned blue and died. Curious, the doctor picked up the walkman and listened to what Beckham had been hearing...

"Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath..."

stevey
05-31-2002, 06:04 PM
:D
like that, thats one i'd forgotten.

nice result for France today !! mebe i'm not so worried about meeting them after all !!

adrianxw
06-01-2002, 01:43 AM
>>> nice result for France today

Wasn't it just. Always nice to see the French lose, (not just football, anything really).

novacain
06-01-2002, 11:57 AM
>>thats slightly off topic.....any chelsea fans ??

We can whip you in cricket any day (who can't), rugby most days.

Now we have some of our boys over there learning this soccer stuff from the inside. One day Stevie.. One day..

Say what you like about Le Saux. But don't you take our wizzard Zola's name in vain!

(you know we had Hollioak knocked off, bloody splitter)

C_Coder
06-01-2002, 12:49 PM
>> We can whip you in cricket any day (who can't)

That must make you an Aussie then.
cricket isn't a real sport, it was invented so people with heart conditions had something to watch.
On a side note, did ya see that hansie cronje was killed in a plane crash today

I'll look forward to watching your first match in this world cup :D

Jet_Master
06-01-2002, 01:02 PM
hansie cronje died???
that's too bad.

Aran
06-01-2002, 02:04 PM
Originally posted by adrianxw
>>> nice result for France today

Wasn't it just. Always nice to see the French lose, (not just football, anything really).

you must have LOVED WWI and WWII then!

Commander
06-01-2002, 02:43 PM
Originally posted by C_Coder
cricket isn't a real sport, it was invented so people with heart conditions had something to watch.Is that y so many ppl play the game and actually love it....it is a real sport just like soccer....trust me...you'll know once u play it...

C_Coder
06-01-2002, 02:57 PM
>> it is a real sport just like soccer....trust me...you'll know once u play it...

Yeah right, I'd like nothing more than to stand around in a field all day with nothing to do except scratch my arse.

Commander
06-01-2002, 09:08 PM
u haven't played cricket..have u?

C_Coder
06-02-2002, 02:43 AM
>> u haven't played cricket..have u?

Dude I live in England, I had to play cricket all through my school years.

stevey
06-02-2002, 01:04 PM
i think cricket was invented by British guys who in colonial days were living in extremely hot countries. they couldn't bear to actually move around or they'd pass out, so they thought up a game consisting of stood around a bit getting a sun tan. :) nice relaxing afternoon.


england 1 sweden 1

oh dear, well least we didn't lose. we'll play better against those argies. they'd better.

i wouldn't take Zola's name in vain....sung to the tune of 'Lola'......Zola...Guinfranco zola.........zola....etc

Fountain
06-02-2002, 04:41 PM
god damn swedes! still we were sh*&e in the second half today....on a lighter note-a TOP day out can be had at old trafford-and i mean the cricket ground(being a Leeds fan)...IF its sunny there, the ground is a sun trap..one day international,lots of beers and that sun..EVERY1 leaves with a bright red face..oh man, the times you can have watching cricket

Commander
06-03-2002, 03:50 PM
Originally posted by stevey
i think cricket was invented by British guys who in colonial days were living in extremely hot countries. they couldn't bear to actually move around or they'd pass out, so they thought up a game consisting of stood around a bit getting a sun tan. :) nice relaxing afternoon.Cricket isn't very relaxing when u r batting, bowling or wicket keeping! I remember once this kid having a heat stroke when he was batting because of all the padding and helmet he was wearing!! :D It wasn't very funny at that time, but now when I look back and think of it, it makes me laugh!

Clyde
06-03-2002, 03:55 PM
"Dude I live in England, I had to play cricket all through my school years."

Me too, but cricket was nothing, for five years I had to freaking play RUGBY, you have idea how much I loathe rugby. Thats right for 5 years i had the great honour of being charged at by a bunch of people 250 times my size, and then flung in mud.

Cricket might well be boring but atleast its not unpleasant.

Commander
06-03-2002, 03:58 PM
I understand the fact that the cricket on tv takes a long time to finish, but it's NOT boring !!!!!!!! it's fun!! (if u know what's going on in the game!)

Clyde
06-03-2002, 04:28 PM
Actually i do enjoy playing cricket, watching it though, i find rather dull.

stevey
06-03-2002, 07:04 PM
Originally posted by Clyde
"Dude I live in England, I had to play cricket all through my school years."

Me too, but cricket was nothing, for five years I had to freaking play RUGBY, you have idea how much I loathe rugby. Thats right for 5 years i had the great honour of being charged at by a bunch of people 250 times my size, and then flung in mud.

Cricket might well be boring but atleast its not unpleasant.

Rugby is character building !! I well remember playing in winter when the ground was froze solid....ouch!!......oh no ...no....don't pass it to me....oh crap...oh well ive got it now, off i go, YES past one big lumbering goon, swerve past another, palm off another, oh yes i'm gonna.....CRUNCH..owww..ohhhhh......MEDIC !!!!
as long as you don't end up as a paraplegic or with a squashed nose, you are definitely a better person for having played rugby !!:)

American football ?? Padding? helmets ??

Aran
06-03-2002, 07:47 PM
yeah, americans are good-for-nothing sissies.:D

sean
06-03-2002, 08:47 PM
Isn't David Beckham married to Posh Spice from the SPICE GIRLS?

sean
06-03-2002, 08:49 PM
Well I just chewed out a bunch of people for posting anti-American stuff, but what's with the football pads? (In response to AE).

novacain
06-03-2002, 08:59 PM
>>I'll look forward to watching your first match in this world cup

Thats cruel.
We only lost one game all qualifying. Then we nearly had to playoff against Brazil instead of Uraguay, after beating every team in Oceanania. (some places don't have enough population for a fullteam though and one of our players now holds the World Cup record for over ten goals in one match!) Away to Uraguay and so lost 3:1 on goal difference. Final score was worse than it should as they scored another goal as we pushed for an away goal, to win the series. (why wouldn't you with Kewl, Zane and Viduka up front)

adrianxw
06-04-2002, 12:20 AM
>>> Isn't David Beckham married to Posh Spice from the SPICE GIRLS?

Yes.

Commander
06-05-2002, 07:45 AM
I love watching the game.... The fact that it's long really doesn't bother me :)

stevey
06-05-2002, 08:12 AM
Originally posted by novacain
>>I'll look forward to watching your first match in this world cup

Thats cruel.
We only lost one game all qualifying. Then we nearly had to playoff against Brazil instead of Uraguay, after beating every team in Oceanania. (some places don't have enough population for a fullteam though and one of our players now holds the World Cup record for over ten goals in one match!) Away to Uraguay and so lost 3:1 on goal difference. Final score was worse than it should as they scored another goal as we pushed for an away goal, to win the series. (why wouldn't you with Kewl, Zane and Viduka up front)

yeah it was very unfair. the system of qualifying needs looking into, the regions etc. ie Australia would beat Saudia Arabia easily, are a far better team.

And England nearly forced Germany out of the World cup, and vica versa. in reality both teams deserve to be there, one nearly wasn't.

adrianxw
06-05-2002, 12:13 PM
>>> in reality both teams deserve to be there, one nearly wasn't.

Political correctness. In reality, there are several teams in the finals that are simply going to be canon fodder. Does this do the losing sides any good I ask myself?

C_Coder
06-05-2002, 01:29 PM
>> there are several teams in the finals that are simply going to be canon fodder
>> Does this do the losing sides any good I ask myself?

If you never let them play high profile games they will never improve, for these teams to get better they need to raise the profile of football within their own country.
For sure saudi arabia were/are rubbish, but look how the japanese have improved in 4 years, they played some really exiting stuff.
I agree that its harsh austrailia didn't qualify, but then holland didn't either.

Jet_Master
06-05-2002, 08:29 PM
GERmany vs IReLand
whoa... that was such a close call for germany...
score in the last minute... good one

(even though i was for Germany)

novacain
06-05-2002, 10:10 PM
>>yeah it was very unfair.

Hey, we knew the rules when we started.

We also lost out last time in the two game playoff to Iran. Drew the last game and lost on the away goals rule. Again without loosing a game.

What was going on in Brazil v Turkey?
A soft penalty (as the shirt pulling was outside the box) then the Turkey goalkeeper grabbing Rivaldo and no penalty. Then Rivaldo's faking for a red card. I know he got fined but will the Turkey player not be suspended?

adrianxw
06-06-2002, 12:11 AM
>>> play high profile games they will never improve

True, but humiliation in front of the World Cup TV billions... I don't know.

>>> What was going on in Brazil v Turkey?

Brazil looked very rough, but then they frequently do in the opening rounds.

stevey
06-07-2002, 06:44 PM
Beckham didn't look too dumb when he scored the winning penallty today !!!:D :D

were you Scottish watching England beat Argentina !!!!:)
hope you all had your Argie shirts on at the time !!!!:)

Zeeshan
06-08-2002, 08:23 AM
Are you talking about football ? :rolleyes: