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rick barclay
09-15-2001, 09:00 PM
Well...We've just had a managerial shakeup at good ole Nestle USA where I work. The new plant manager has instituted a changed evaluation method for rating employees in the hope (he says) that it will pinpoint which employees need improvement in what areas. Take a gander at this and tell me what you think.


PERFORMANCE EVALUATION

NOTE: Under the Freedom of Information Act and the Federal Privacy Act of 1996
I understand that my work performance is being evaluated. I have the right to examine
and copy any documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences in order
to resolve them. And I have the right to request amendment to and/or modification of
any document.

NAME: BARCLAY, RICK DATE OF REVIEW: 15 SEPT 2001

/* edited for content by moderator*/

KNOWLEDGE:
1. THE SON OF A BIITCH REALLY KNOWS HIS STUFF.
2. KNOWS JUST ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS.
3. ONLY HAS HALF A BRAIN AND IS DANGEROUS.
4. IS BRAIN DAMAGED. HIS COFFEE CUP HAS A HIGHER IQ.

ACCURACY:
1. DOES EXCELLENT WORK (IF NOT PREOCCUPIED WITH GIRLS.)
2. PRETTY GOOD; ONLY OCCAISIONALLY BLOWS IT OUT HIS ASS.
3. HAS TO TAKE SHOES OFF TO COUNT HIGHER THAN TEN.
4. COULDNíT COUNT HIS BALLS AND GET THE SAME NUMBER TWICE.

ATTITUDE:
1. EXTREMELY COOPERATIVE (KISSES ASS FREQUENTLY)
2. BROWN NOSER IN POOR STANDING.
3. OFTEN ANNOYS CO-WORKERS: THINKS ITíS HIS JOB.
4. DOESNíT GIVE A; NEVER DID AND NEVER WILL.

RELIABILITY:
1. REALLY A DEPENDABLE ****** **********
2. CAN RELY ON HIM AT EVALUATION TIME.
3. CAN RELY ON HIM TO BE THE FIRST ONE OUT THE DOOR.
4. TOTALLY WORTHLESS.

APPEARANCE:
1. EXTREMELY NEAT; COMBS ALL HAIR.
2. LOOKS GREAT AT EVALUATION TIME.
3. DIRTY, FILTHY, SMELLY SON OF A .
4. FLIES LEAVE FRESH DOGSHIIT TO FOLLOW HIM.

PERFORMANCE:
1. GOES LIKE A SON OF A ***** IF THEREíS MONEY IN IT.
2. DOES OKAY AROUND EVALUATION TIME.
3. WORKS ONLY IF KICKED IN THE ASS EVERY TWO MINUTES.
4. COULDNíT DO LESS WORK IF HE WERE IN A COMA.

LEADERSHIP:
1. CARRIES A CHAINSAW AND GETS GOOD RESULTS.
2. OCCASIONALLY IS TOLD TO GET ******.
3. MOTHER THERESA TELLS HIM TO GET ******.
4. COULDNíT LEAD A PACK OF HUNGRY WOLVES TO MEAT.

I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE BEEN EVALUATED AND KNOW MY RIGHTS UNDER
THE PRIVACT ACT OF 1996. I FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM AS MESSED
UP AS A FOOTBALL BAT AND WILL ATTEMPT TO CORRECT MY DEFICIENCIES.

SIGNATURE____________________________ DATE___________

All opinions will be carefully considered and discarded. Thanks.

rick barclay

/* edited for content by moderator*/

ober
09-15-2001, 09:19 PM
ROFL... that's the funniest thing I've seen in a while! I definately think it will lead to great improvements within the company.

mithrandir
09-15-2001, 10:06 PM
That should earn you "Employee of the Year"! Well done you crazy soab.

doubleanti
09-15-2001, 10:19 PM
::refrains mod sword::

wow... how could you possibly have so throughly avoided censorship. i applaud you just for that alone rick...

rick barclay
09-15-2001, 11:47 PM
Didn't take the censors long to catch up. Oh, well...

Look for the uncensored, unedited edition at http://www.flashdaddee.com :) . It's not there now, but it will
be sometime tomorrow.

rick barclay

mithrandir
09-15-2001, 11:54 PM
BIITCH - missed one!

doubleanti
09-15-2001, 11:55 PM
yeah, so much for tasteful use of exagerated profanity... hehe... [technically i'm too young for this, 17, wait, i'm not sure... huh?!?]

YANK!___MER!!!

mithrandir
09-15-2001, 11:57 PM
Wtf is Yank!____Mer!!! ???

doubleanti
09-16-2001, 12:02 AM
::insert mod swo... [ERROR: archaic-oriented language protocols failed...]::

muahahaha...

oh, wouldn't you like to know? i can't clarify it, just like i did with my hasafraggin shignature...

ahem, Abort Retry Fail? [Ignore...]

I I I I I I!

iain
09-16-2001, 07:57 AM
bugger! missed that one. How about posting that again rick?
It could be a game between you and the mods, see how many people can read it before its censored!

rick barclay
09-16-2001, 10:08 AM
No...that's ok. I'm starting to get carpel tunnel syndrome
from this, already.

Anyway, I just finished publishing the raw uncensored version
at flashdaddee.com. You can check it out there.

As a sidenote, I also uploaded a tutorial on 3D games programming
that's not quite complete--only up to Chapter three. I'll
work on that today also and hopefully get the whole thing
online.

Cheers.

rick barclay

doubleanti
09-16-2001, 10:16 AM
haha... speaking of carpal tunnel... i'd have sworn to have it by the time i was 18, so i've got but a few months left........ and you'll all be able to witness the diagnosis of my prediliction... [yay! big wordz! hehe] :p