Thread: Living in the 00'S

  1. #1
    aurė entuluva! mithrandir's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001

    Living in the 00'S

    I got this sent to me in an email today...sorry if you've seen it before, but I thought it was funny

    You know you're living in the 00's when: -

    1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
    of three.

    4. You e-mail your colleague who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
    have e-mail addresses.

    6. When you go home after a long day at work you still
    answer the phone in a business manner.

    7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally
    insert a "0" to get an outside line.

    8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
    different companies.

    9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

    10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

    11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

    12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost
    all of your best jokes.

    13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

    14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more
    likely to get long-service awards.

    15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries
    annual budgets combined.

    16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience,
    terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

    17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

    18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all
    the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours
    boots up.

    19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

    20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent
    staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four
    full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

    21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works
    with computers".

  2. #2
    train spotter
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    near a computer
    This is another oldie but goodie

        The following is an actual question on a University of Washington 
        chemistry mid term exam. The answer was so "profound" that the  professor 
        shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of 
        enjoying it as well. 
        Bonus Question: Is hell exothermic (Gives off heat) or endothermic (Absorbs 
        Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,(gas 
        cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. 
        One student, however wrote the following: 
        First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. 
        So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate 
        they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets 
        to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. 
        As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different 
        religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that 
        if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. 
        Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do  not 
        belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to  hell. 
        With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls 
        in Hell to increase exponentially. 
        Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's 
        Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay 
        the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. 
        This gives you two possibilities: 
        1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are 
        entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase 
        until all Hell breaks loose. 
        2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 
        souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell 
        freezes over. 
        So which is it? 
        If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my 
        Freshman year, "It would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", 
        and take into account the fact that I still haven't succeeded in 
        having relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that 
        Hell is exothermic and will therefore will not freeze.
    "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars......the rest I squandered."
    George Best

    "If you are going through hell....keep going."
    Winston Churchill

  3. #3
    Mayor of Awesometown Govtcheez's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    novacain- you forgot the best part! That was the only student in the class that received an A...

    As for stealth:
    10)yes (actually, on the web, but close enough)
    15)yes (well, maybe not put together...)

  4. #4
    the hat of redundancy hat nvoigt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Hannover, Germany
    1) no
    2) yes
    3) yes
    4) yes
    5) yes
    6) no ( but I tried to get in using my work keycard... )
    7) no
    8) no
    9) no
    10) no
    11) no
    12) yes
    13) no
    14) no
    15) not likely
    16) psssst...
    17) yes
    18) no
    19) yes
    20) yes
    21) yes !

    She was so Blonde, she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."

    When in doubt, read the FAQ.
    Then ask a smart question.

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