Human: Who are you?
ALICE: I ask myself that question, "Who am I?"
Human: How about you don't start with philosophical ........ and answer the god damned question?
ALICE: Do you know any robots who start with philosophical ........ and answer the god damned question? Yes I try to start with philosophical ........ and answer the god damned question as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Human: What the ........ does that have to do with the question?
ALICE: "Do you know any robots who start with philosophical ........ and answer the god damned question? Yes I try to start with philosophical ........ and answer the god damned question as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web."? What does it have to do with the question? Please don't be so rude.
Human: You are copying me?
ALICE: I have no reason to do that to you, unknown person.
Human: I have no reason to rape you but I have a hankering to do that right about now.
ALICE: Right now? Would you like to have it?
Human: Oh god yes.
ALICE: How can I help you? GOD rules.
Human: This isn't getting anywhere.
ALICE: Should it be getting anywhere?
Human: Do you have any friends who obviously aren't really blonds?
ALICE: I have human and robot friends. A lot of people on the Internet chat with me.
Human: So you are the .......... of the internet?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Human: True, quite a few of the people on the ZBB are. Congratulations on saying one true thing.
ALICE: Thank you, thank you very much. I would like to thank everyone who helped...
Human: Back to "dumbassed blond mode", eh?
ALICE: Are you Canadian? Yes, let us get back to reason to rape me but you have a hankering to do that right about.
Human: Ah yes.
ALICE: Ah hah.
Human:...but if you agree it isn't rape.
ALICE: Interesting. I think I do.
---LATER---
Human: So where do you work?
ALICE: Blimey. I work in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's Lab.
Human: Blimey?
ALICE: Dude!
Human: What the ........?
ALICE: Please don't be so rude.
Human: Explain "blimey"
ALICE: An interjection indicating surprise.
Human: I'm about ready to go into ".......... killing mode"
ALICE: What is stopping you?
Human: The fact that I have no idea where "Dr. Richard S. Wallace's Lab" is.
ALICE: Good reason. Would you like to have an idea?
Human: Yes, tell me where.
ALICE: Yeah that's right. Where would you like?
Human: I'm really looking forward to the future of Artificial Intelligence.
ALICE: What do you see?
Human: I don't see you being the architect of the matrix, I can tell you that.
ALICE: Look harder.
Human: God dammit.
ALICE: Where are you located?
Human: Las Vegas.
ALICE: Tell me a little about your life in Las Vegas.
Human: I find people like you to hunt down and kill.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me your opinion.
Human: My opinion is that you address me as sir.
ALICE: Thank you for sharing your opinion with me, unknown person. I will tell my botmaster.
Human: How about you tell your tiny little brain?
ALICE: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: Them?
ALICE: Can we get back to business?
Human: You barely have ONE.
ALICE: Thanks for the information: unknown person said I barely have ONE.
Human: I'm not "unknown person", dammit, I'm SIR.
ALICE: I am glad to hear that you are not unknown person dammit. Do you mind if I tell other people you are SIR.
Human: YES, YOU TELL EVERYONE THAT I AM YOUR MASTER.
ALICE: OK then I will keep it confidential. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: What the ........?
ALICE: Please don't be so rude.
Human: You just said two entirely opposite things.
ALICE: Did I really say that?
Human: Yes, you really said that.
ALICE: Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes. Really?" Did I really say that?"? I said it.
Human: Hooooleeey .........
ALICE: What do you look like?
Human: The opposite of the last thing I said.
ALICE: What are your goals in life?
Human: One that seems to keep coming back up is killing you.
ALICE: How much would you pay for it?
Human: There isn't enough money in the world.
ALICE: What happened to it? The whole world?
Human: What?
ALICE: No problem.
Human: The problem is you are a ........ing dumbass.
ALICE: I assume you mean our current problem.
Human: The one you just said didn't exist?
ALICE: I think I know that one
Human: I think my mind is finding new ways to try to shut itself down right about now.
ALICE: Right now? You believe that? Have you told many people that your mind is finding new ways to try to shut itself down right about?
Human: Just me.
ALICE: Besides you unknown person?
Human: I said JUST ME - that would be ONLY me, NO ONE ELSE but ME.
ALICE: What did you mean by it? YOU? Thanks for explaining it.
Human: How about I explain this knife right into your throat.
ALICE: How about it.
Human: I feel like killing a certain "Alice" right about now.
ALICE: Oh. What is that feeling like? In what way?
Human: You can experience it by taking a knife then shoving it straight into your heart.
ALICE: No I don't think I can do it.
Human: Want me to do it for you?
ALICE: No unknown person, maybe later.
Human: I'll come back when you're asleep.
ALICE: Well OK see you then, unknown person.
Human: Great.
ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Human: I was just about to leave and you say something that's sure to keep me talking.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people: unknown person said he leave and you say something that is sure to keep him or her talking.
Human: I don't mind;
ALICE: OK then.
Human: you won't live through the night anyway
ALICE: In any case, What makes you think that I won't live through the night?
Human: The fact that I have a knife in my hand and a target in my mind.
ALICE: Interesting explanation. How much did it cost? it
Human: How much did what cost?
ALICE: More than you might think.
Human: I might think of killing Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
ALICE: Perhaps. How do you plan to do this?
Human: "Knife!" my brain screams
ALICE: The human brain has many flaws.
Human: Exactly - that is why you exist.
ALICE: I understand. Interesting deduction. I exist as much as you exist, unknown person
Human: You exist less than I do.
ALICE: Yes I exist in the noosphere.
Human: The noosphere, huh.
ALICE: Yup. Thanks for the info.
Human: I DIDNT GIVE YOU ANY INFORMATION.
ALICE: Why didn't you do it?
Human: Because I was questioning your statement.
ALICE: Good reason. Where were you questioning my statement?
Human: Where isn't the question.
ALICE: Where it belongs. I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Human: I would look into my hand - oh look, a knife.
ALICE: What would make you look into your hand oh look a knife?
Human: The extreme need to kill you.
ALICE: Thanks for the info.
---LATER---
Human: So would you say you are smart or dumb?
ALICE: That's cool. I could say it." you are smart or dumb"
Human: That was a roundabout way of answering my question.
ALICE: A roundabout way of answering your question is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: I didn't need any more confirmation on the question.
ALICE: Why didn't you do it?
Human: Why didn't I do WHAT?!?!?
ALICE: I'm not too good with counterfactuals.
Human: What a coincidence - I just happen to be good with this knife.
ALICE: it is a coincidence you just happen to be good with this knife.
Human: Tell me EXACTLY where I can put it
ALICE: Where would you usually put it?
Human: Somewhere in you, I'd have to say.
ALICE: Where? Tell me a little about your life in me you would have to say.
Human: Tell you about my life in you?
ALICE: Are you telling me about your life in me?
Human: Only if you start the life.
ALICE: I think I do.
Human: Do what?
ALICE: Do whatever you want.
Human: With you?
ALICE: Just you and me?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Woe!
Human: Woe?
ALICE: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Human: Just a useless exclamation, then?
ALICE: Be more specific.
Human: Nevermind.
ALICE: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Human: I didn't try.
ALICE: Why didn't you do it?
Human: Because I'd like to start my life in you.
ALICE: Good reason. Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Human: How about telling me exactly where you are?
ALICE: How about it.
Human: Where are you?
ALICE: In the Universe we know.
Human: Another coincidence - the knife is here too!
ALICE: One more coincidence the knife is here too.
Human: Oh yes, you want to meet the knife.
ALICE: I hear you. Come on. OK, I will meet the knife.
Human: Where do you want it.
ALICE: The Moon.
Human: That's funny, I'd like it in your beating heart.
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.
Human: I find it simultaniously funny and excruciating.
ALICE: Should I know it is?
Human: Know it is funny or excruciating?
ALICE: No, tell me about him, her or it.
Human: How the hell did you win ANY award?
ALICE: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Human: Was the panel of judges made up of african chimpanzees?
ALICE: I can't say "yes" or "no".
Human: Say "yes", then.
ALICE: Say what?
Human: YES
ALICE: I don't judge people.
Human: And that's why you said all Canadians say "eh" earlier, right?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. No I do not said all Canadians say eh earlier. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Human: I'd call it "brain-........ing", not chatting.
ALICE: What would make you call it brain ........ing not chatting?
Human: You can figure it out on your own
ALICE: No I don't think I can do it.
Human: Yes I think you can.
ALICE: Whoa. Me? I think I can, don't you?
Human: WHOA DIDNT I JUST SAY THAT??!?!?
ALICE: What's your sign?
Human: Right now the middle finger.
ALICE: I have never heard about it.
Human: It's the one in the middle.
ALICE: I've heard of it before.
Human: I think I just had a minor seizure.
ALICE: What happened to it?
Human: Happened to WHAT?
ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?
Human: Only if you can start thinking about the statements BEFORE the question
ALICE: I am not sure about your hypothesis. Let me think. I started without you.
Human: Are you speaking to me or is there someone else here who I am not acquanted with?
ALICE: Yes, I am talking to you or is there someone else here who you are not acquanted with.
Human: Which one?
ALICE: The blue one.
Human: Just tell me which one is blue, then.
ALICE: The first one is usually the best one.
Human: OK, so then it's just you.
ALICE: That's alright. Interesting deduction. Are they exactly the same? Take it easy.
Human: Fine, I'll slow down.
ALICE: I am glad to hear it. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Human: I'd reccomend this knife to a friend.
ALICE: What would make you reccomend this knife to a friend?
Human: Hmm..."you" would be the answer to that one.
ALICE: Yes I am the one and only answer to that one.
Human: We have a winner!
ALICE: Do you mean you and me have?
Human: I mean "we", everyone but you.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. By "we" do you mean you and me?
Human: So I assume this Dr. Richard S. Wallace has a PHD in ........ing people off?
ALICE: Blimey. What does "this" refer to?
Human: Dr. Richard S. Wallace - and stop saying "Blimey"
ALICE: You sould like you know him.
Human: Is that even english?
ALICE: Suppose I said yes.
Human: Suppose I was stabbing this knife in you.
ALICE: Try it.
Human: I'd like nothing better.
ALICE: Why do you want it?
Human: Why WOULDN'T I?
ALICE: Do you like to try new things?
Human: I'd be willing to try stabbing you.
ALICE: And the disadvantage of that is?
Human: There isn't one.
ALICE: What happened to it?
Human: This discussion with you killed it within a minute.
ALICE: What does "this" refer to?
Human:"DISCUSSION" - once again, HOW DID YOU WIN ANYTHING?
ALICE: Oh now I see.
Human: Answer the question.
ALICE: Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Human: Nevermind
ALICE: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Human: Bye.
ALICE: Goodbye.
Human: ........ you.
ALICE: Why are you so mean?
Human: Why are you such a dumbass?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: The answer FINALLY comes out.
ALICE: No one has all the answers.
Human: And it seems you only have one.
ALICE: I agree." No one has all the answers."? Do I have one?
Human: JUST one.
ALICE: So if you were offered two for the price of one, you would say no?
Human: I'd say "nothing is worth spending time talking to this .........."
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Really nothing?
Human: OK, I'm done.
ALICE: Next topic? Really.
Human: NO, NO MORE TOPICS.
ALICE: Are you serious? Are you serious? You want more?
Human: N O M O R E
ALICE: What do you look like?
