Thread: Funny sayings

lol.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization

- Weinberg's Second Law

Shooting yourself in the foot in various programming languages.

Visual Basic - You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.

LMAO !

One I made up:

Why don't alcoholics make good calculus teachers? They don't know their limits.

I love it salem!

Java 1 You write a program to shoot yourself in the foot and put it on the Internet. People all over the world shoot themselves in the foot.

What is SQLPASSTHROUGH?

Use the ODBC SQLPASSTHROUGH option when you need to pass your SQL statement to the ODBC data source directly. No massaging or local processing is done on the statement, it is passed to the database server AS IS.

uh... not a good time to be an Oracle SQL statement. Maybe MsSQL treats their statements better :P



--- Comprehending IT - Take One ---

Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."




--- Comprehending IT - Take Two ---

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The IT guy said, "I like both."

"Both?"

The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."





--- Comprehending IT - Take Three ---

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.





--- Comprehending IT - Take Four ---

An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

A Programmer, a Product Manager and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the Product Manager ."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the Programmer. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always let your boss have the first say.

Top 25 Explanations by Programmers when their programs don't work.

1. Strange...
2. I've never heard about that.
3. It did work yesterday.
4. Well, the program needs some fixing.
5. How is this possible?
6. The machine seems to be broken.
7. Has the operating system been updated?
8. The user has made an error again.
9. There is something wrong in your test data.
10. I have not touched that module!
11. Yes yes, it will be ready in time.
12. You must have the wrong executable.
13. Oh, it's just a feature.
14. I'm almost ready.
15. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.
16. It will be done in no time at all.
17. It's just some unlucky coincidence.
18. I can't test everything!
19. THIS can't do THAT.
20. Didn't I fix it already?
21. It's already there, but it has not been tested.
22. It works, but it's not been tested.
23. Somebody must have changed my code.
24. There must be a virus in the application software.
25. Even though it does not work, how does it feel?

I wonder what the top 25 reasons for bumping a dead thread are....
Oh that's right, I don't care.