Thread: poem

  1. #1
    Registered User axon's Avatar
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    poem

    Hey guys, I wonder what you think about this poem that I wrote some time ago...let me know what you think I'm trying to say in it. thanks!

    My First

    She has captured me. My senses cornered,
    The emotions confined by her unceasing bonds
    Ready to leak out onto the white lamina of relief.

    She has been there since the beginning, cunning and always
    Aware. Never letting down her guard. Ready to counter
    My every move on the infinite chess board of truth and false.

    Incessant battles within the soul interrupted by
    Brief moments of self-realization. . .self-fulfillment,
    often plagued with untruthfull and beguiling
    themes, ideas, morals. . .words.

    She has captured me,
    She, the Fear of creativity.

    j.b.

    some entropy with that sink? entropysink.com

    there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. - franz kafka

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    I like the them. Too me it almost read like a paragaph though. The imagry seems spelled out so my imagination did not wander to much, but not bad in my opinion

  3. #3
    Registered User subdene's Avatar
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    i would like to meet this person you have described.
    Be a leader and not a follower.

  4. #4
    Funniest man in this seat minesweeper's Avatar
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    >>Ready to leak out onto the white lamina of relief.<<

    LOL.....fantastic.

  5. #5
    ~viaxd() viaxd's Avatar
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    i didnt understand a thing.......

  6. #6
    Registered User axon's Avatar
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    >>Too me it almost read like a paragaph though

    thats true...this poem doesn't have the traditional structure....or much stracture at all. It was my beginnings though.

    >>i would like to meet this person you have described.

    I think you're not getting the point of this poem...read it again, and try to see what I'm saying....I'm not describing a person at all.

    >>LOL.....fantastic.

    what do you think this means minesweeper? Many people think that that line has a sexual connotetion but in fact it wasn't ment that way

    >>i didnt understand a thing.......

    thats too bad....in my opinion it is a very simple poem. I'll explain the meaning behind in a little while.

    some entropy with that sink? entropysink.com

    there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. - franz kafka

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    Does it have something to do with music or some kind of academia?

  8. #8
    Registered User axon's Avatar
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    Originally posted by alpha
    Does it have something to do with music or some kind of academia?
    Not really. Basically it was my first real poem ever. I wrote it a couple of years ago. It took me about 3 months to write. I was scared to write it, but I knew I had to do it - hence I wrote about the process of writing. It is the Fear that has me bound, and prohibits me to leak out onto the white lamina of relief (write).

    I'll boost my ego some more by letting you know that this poem has ben published both in the US and the UK! I'm very proud of My First real poem.

    I wasn't trying to make it fancy, or to have a hidden meaning, but somehow thats how it turned out. Almost everyone who reads it, but does not read into it, thinks that it is about a first sexual experiance . The last line kind of gives away the true meaning though, esspecially by personyfing Fear and having it capitalized.

    some entropy with that sink? entropysink.com

    there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. - franz kafka

  9. #9
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    Originally posted by axon
    Not really. Basically it was my first real poem ever. I wrote it a couple of years ago. It took me about 3 months to write. I was scared to write it, but I knew I had to do it - hence I wrote about the process of writing. It is the Fear that has me bound, and prohibits me to leak out onto the white lamina of relief (write).

    I'll boost my ego some more by letting you know that this poem has ben published both in the US and the UK! I'm very proud of My First real poem.

    I wasn't trying to make it fancy, or to have a hidden meaning, but somehow thats how it turned out. Almost everyone who reads it, but does not read into it, thinks that it is about a first sexual experiance . The last line kind of gives away the true meaning though, esspecially by personyfing Fear and having it capitalized.
    i was close though. the process of writing is technically still a part of academia.

    I like it. I like how the diction flows. For being scared to write it, you did a good job!

  10. #10
    Registered User axon's Avatar
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    >>i was close though. the process of writing is technically still a part of academia.

    thats true!

    >>I like it. I like how the diction flows. For being scared to write it, you did a good job!

    thanks for the feedback!

    some entropy with that sink? entropysink.com

    there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. - franz kafka

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