Programming humour

**face_master** · 10-23-2002

I found this really funny. Add your own links too

**Nutshell** · 10-23-2002

lol...but i still don't think all of the cases are real.

**biosninja** · 10-23-2002

I had a case where someone asked mo how to erase a carater in a document. I told him to go to the character and press the delete key. He replied : "Where's the delete key?"
How dumb can you get?

**salvelinus** · 10-23-2002

The compressed code story actually has some validity in embedded vb. I'm not sure if it makes it run faster, but compressing the code in eVB can dramatically reduce the executable size (according to a devbuzz article). The writer wrote code as usual but ran a compression utility that deleted spaces, etc before compiling.

**Zewu** · 10-23-2002

I despise Computer-related jokes

**-KEN-** · 10-23-2002

That's hilarious - thanks for the link!

**TechWins** · 10-23-2002

This one right here is a regular mistake by my friend in programming class...

Code:

begin
    readln("Number of Apples", apples);
    readln("Number of Carrots", carrots);
    readln("Price for 1 Apple", a_price);
    readln("Price for 1 Carrot", c_price);
    writeln("Total for Apples", a_total);
    writeln("Total for Carrots", c_total);
    writeln("Total", total);
    total := a_total + c_total;
    a_total := apples * a_price;
    c_total := carrots + c_price;
end;

**MethodMan** · 10-23-2002

Those are pretty funny. I found this one amusing

if (value == 0)
return value;
else
return 0;

I wish I knew how he wrote that 'last' shell script, just to shut down all the computers for a day.

**Shadow** · 10-24-2002

> I despice Computer-related jokes
The correct spelling is despise, and I find them pretty funny.

Code:

#include <AllTheGoodies.h>

int main ( void )
{
	WakeUp();
	Goto Work;

	Work:
	LookBusy();
	ComeHome();
	EnjoyHobbies();
	Goto Bed;

	Bed:
	Sleep(8 hours);
	return 0;
}

int WakeUp ( void )
{
	int Counter;
	AlarmClockActivate();
	if ( AlarmClockRing > 5 minutes )
	{
		GetBigHammer();
	}
	if ( SmellOfBody == "STINKY" )
	{
		for ( Counter = 0; Counter < 3; Counter ++ )
		{
			Shower();
		}
		AdmireSelfInMirror();
	}
	return 0;
}

int LookBusy ( void )
{
	if ( WorkToDo == TRUE )
	{
		Goto CoffeeMachine;
		CoffeeMachine:
		if ( BossNotLooking() == TRUE )
		{
			SpikeBeverage();
		}
	}
	return 0;
}

int ComeHome ( void )
{
	TravelOnBackRoads();
	if ( NoCops == TRUE )
	{
		SpeedLikeCrazy();
		if ( Speedometer < 100mph )
		{
			TravelAt110mph();
		}
	}
	return 0;
}

int EnjoyHobbies ( void )
{
	TelevisionActivate();
	if ( SpiceChannel || PornChannel == TRUE )
	{
		WatchClosely();
	}
	return 0;
}

**Betazep** · 10-24-2002

One day I was in a public park, reading "C++ For Dummies" when someone came up and asked me what I was reading. I told him I was reading a book about C++. He responded, "Oh, HTML kicks C++'s @$$."

I find it funnier that the guy was reading C++ for Dummies and making fun of the other idiot.

**Zewu** · 10-24-2002

Originally posted by Betazep
I find it funnier that the guy was reading C++ for Dummies and making fun of the other idiot.

That's the only thing related to this thread that made me laugh!

I also think that the best at programming, in a group of "programmers" - for example this board - has the right to joke with code.

**RoD** · 10-24-2002

www.techtales.com

thats pretty funny sometimes.

**valar_king** · 10-24-2002

I kinda love/hate those. I find some of them INCREDIBLY hilarious, but sometimes I want to smack some of those people around, particularly the ones who spew out BS and then argue with you and act like they're computer experts.

Also, there's nothing wrong with C++ for Dummies, or any of the other Dummies books, they provide excellent introductions to subjects.

**-KEN-** · 10-24-2002

This made me laugh SO hard:

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.

Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

**Govtcheez** · 10-24-2002

> This one right here is a regular mistake by my friend in programming class...

What, writing in Pascal?

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