Two identical twins named Ahmal and Juan were adopted separately when they were born. One day, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. The mother ran up to the father and showed him the picture.
Mother: Look! What a handsome young man Juan has grown up to be. However, I wish Ahmal would send us his picture also.
Father: Well if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
A guy walks into a bar and says 'ow'.
What green thing makes noise and stalls at the headlights?
A John Deere.
What's not human and speaks English?
A radio.
If a woodchuck would chuck wood, and if a woodchuck could chuck wood, would a woodchuck chuck wood?
Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck wood ?
Oh. Shut up.
Two electrons are sitting on a bench in the park. Another electron comes walking by and says, "Hi there, can I come sit with you?", to which the electrons reply, "Don't be ridiculous, we aren't Bosons!"
A horse walks into a bar... and the bartender says....
"hey pal, why the long face?"
+++++++++
A duck walks into a bar and sits on the barstool. The bartender says, "What ya havin'?"
The duck says, "Grapes."
The bartender says, "This is a bar... we don't serve grapes. Look at the menu, and I will get back with you."
The duck picks up the menu and studies it. The bartender comes back and says, "So pal... you know what you want yet?"
The duck says, "I'll have the grapes."
The bartender says, "Look pal. I already told you... we don't serve no grapes here. Anything else you want."
The duck says, "Well then, on second thought, I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, furious, replies, "WE DON'T HAVE GRAPES DUCK! NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?... AND IF YOU SAY GRAPES, I WILL NAIL YOUR FEATHERED ARSE TO THE BARSTOOL."
The duck says, "Got any nails."
Bartender, "No... does this look like a hardware store."
Duck, "Good. Then I'll have the grapes."
(dumb enough for ya?)
+++++++++
A rabbi goes to the town of Trid. When he get's there, he sees all the people banged up... some in crutches and wheel chairs.
The rabbi walks up to one the townsfolk and says, "My son... why are you and everyone else around here so banged up?"
"Well rabbi. We trade with the town over that mountain there, but recently an ogre moved in and has be knocking us all off the mountain as we try to pass."
"Well that doesn't seem right." said the rabbi. "I will go with you the next time you go and talk to this ogre."
So they all left to trade there wares, and as they get to the top of the mountain... a ferocious ogre jumps out from behind a rock and kicks all the townsfolk down the mountain.
The rabbi, standing there staring at the ogre, said, "What did you do that for, ogre?"
The ogre replied, "Silly rabbi... kicks are for Trids."
++++++++++
Three pieces of string are hopping down the road when they start to get thirsty.
They hop up and into a bar, jump up on the barstool and say, "Bartender... three beers."
The bartender says, "We don't serve string in here.... now get out!"
The strings slowly leave the bar with their little string tips held low.
Outside of the bar one of them gets an idea. He rolls himself into a ball, ties himself into knots, and proceeds to fray himself up really good.
Then he rolls into the bar, and up onto the barstool.
"Bartender. A beer!"
The bartender looks at him. "Aren't you a piece of string."
"No. I'm afraid not."
(a frayed knot)
Last edited by Betazep; 07-24-2002 at 01:51 AM.
Blue
Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he was dead
Why did the second koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he was stapled to the first one
Why did the third koala bear fall out of the tree?
-> 'cos he thought the others were playing a game
What did the cyclist die of?
-> falling koala bears
One atom says to the other..
Hey, you know what ? I lost an electron ..
What ? Are you sure ?
Yes, I'm Positive!
Why couldn't the cat drink its milk?
Its head was nailed to the ground.
http://www.stg.brown.edu/cgi-bin/dyn...ccio/eng-deca/
If you can find the story about the wife who has an affair with her husband's best friend...
A guy walks into the bar and orders five beers. Then he chugs them one after another.
The bartender asks, "Why did you order then chug five beers so quickly?"
"I just had my first BJ."
"Hey, that's great! Congrats. Here's another beer on the house."
The guy says, "Look, pal, I just drank five beers. You think another one is gonna help wash the taste out of my mouth?!"
LMAO!!!
Actually d00b, Ive seen pool tables with grey, blue, or red felt
.
Why can't pigs fly?
'cos they don't have any wings
q: when someone calls you from behind, why do you look back?
a: because you dont have eyes at the back of your head.
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
q: a bird was flying when suddenly it laid an egg. but the egg
didnt fall down. why?
a: the bird was wearing a diaper...
I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!
Q:What's yellow and falls out of trees?
A: A Bulldozer
------------------------------------------------------
Q:Why did the boy fall off his bicycle?
A:Because somebody threw a fridge at him
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy - Groucho Marx
hey nick, why dont you just give us the direct link... it is not gonna be easy to find the specific story you are talking about without further clues...http://www.stg.brown.edu/cgi-bin/dy...accio/eng-deca/
If you can find the story about the wife who has an affair with her husband's best friend...
I am the Alpha and the Omega!!!
