british guy: ".... that's good. what're you doing today?"
husband: "well, right now, i'm eating a grinder."
british guy: "huh?"
husband: "i'm eating a grinder"
british guy: "are you serious?"
husband: "yes!"
british guy: "well, what's your son doing then?"
husband: "i guess he's watching me eat"
british guy: "a grinder?"
husband: "yes!!"
british guy: "that's very funny..."
husband: "what's so funny about it? here i am. i'm eating a grinder! my son is watching me eat a grinder, because logically, since he is watching me, and i'm eating a grinder, he is watching me eat a grinder."
british guy: "you're eating a grinder, and you let your son watch?"
husband: "well, i'm not that disgusting..."
british guy: "well, what does she think?"
husband(thinking he's talking about his wife): "she think's i should lose weight, but right now i'm on vacation"
british guy: "i don't understand..."
husband: "that's flattering, really. but both my wife and doctor agree, i need to cut out the grinders."
british guy: "your wife knows?"
husband: "sometimes. although i eat more than she knows about."
british guy: "your wife?"
husband: "yes. my wife."
british guy: "what if she finds out?"
husband: "i'll get a brief nag session, a few warnings, and then she'll forget about it until the next time"
british guy: "i wish i had your wife, to be able to do that..."
husband: "well, i don't know about your country. but in mine, most wives don't get that angry about it."
british guy: "really! i didn't know this about america. france, i could understand."
husband: "we're going to france next. i hear they have great cuisine, but their lobster is too salty. it's much better back home."
british guy: "what state do you live in?"
husband: "massachusetts"
... (later) ...
british guy: "i'm still not sure i understand entirely. you say, in massachusetts, it's common practice to eat grinders, with your wife knowing?"
husband (puzzled): "yes. although in different states they have different names."
british guy: "like hooker, for one?"
husband: "i guess somebody, somewhere might call 'em that. down south i've heard they're submarine sandwiches."
british guy: "a submarine sandwich? is that even possible?"
husband: "i don't understand, what do you mean?"
british guy: "i'm guessing it's underwater, and there's two of them"
husband: "underwater? naw. i don't know where they got that name. maybe it's the shape of the bread-"
british guy: "there's bread involved? and where, exactly, do you put it?"
husband: "..."
british guy: "..."
husband: "yes! of course there's bread involved! i don't.... what the hell are you thinking?"
british guy: "i'm sorry, i just didn--"
husband: "and the bread goes in the mouth. like so!" (finishing last bite of his grinder)
british guy: "so, you eat and have sex at the same time?"
husband: "are you coming on to me?"
british guy: "heavens, no. no offense or anything."
husband: "then... what exactly do you mean?"
british guy: "i've got just one more question, if you don't mind. how can you eat a grinder, and eat bread at the same time?"
husband: "look, buddy, let's get it straight. if we keep changing topics all day long you're going to turn me into a schizo."
british guy: "i'm asking a simple question. why can't you answer it?"
husband: "all right! here's what happens! you take the grinder, place it in your mouth, like you do
any sandwich, and you bite down, being sure your tounge isn't in the way."
british guy: "doesn't that hurt the grinder?"
husband: "i'm not a vegitarian."
british guy: "neither am I. but what does that have to do with anything?"
husband: "besides the point, every part of the grinder's dead already. you can't hurt a dead thing."
british guy: "dead?!!?"
husband: "it's better than eating 'em live!"
british guy: "i beg to differ."
husband: "i don't know where you're coming from. "
british guy: "i'm not going to sit idly by while you butcher up a dead woman for your sick pleasure!"
husband: "what the hell are you talking about?!"
british guy: "you said, clear as day, that you were taking a grinder, and that you were going to eat her dead!"
husband: "i don't know about british food, but in america we don't put dead women in our grinders"
british guy: "i never said--. all right. what exactly, is, a grinder, in america?"
husband: "a big sandwich, usuall--"
british guy: "you're not going to believe this..."
husband: "try me."
)
