Bush Jokes

**Jet_Master** · 05-22-2002

thanks man. now for more bush jokes:
(i am sure most of us have heard this one in many other forms, but for the others, let them enjoy this anyway)

Emergency Exit

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W. Bush, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

George W. Bush rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am supposed to be the President of the U.S. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry. The supposed leader of the free world just jumped out wearing my backpack."

**Jet_Master** · 05-22-2002

CAMPAIGN SLOGANS FOR GEORGE W. BUSH

1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!

2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.

3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.

4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?

5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.

6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.

7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!

8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.

9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers

10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense.

_________________________________________________

man, these ones are brutal!

**vasanth** · 05-22-2002

I dont know.. But you americans make fun of your own leader... May be this is the trend in advanced countries where citizens do not care much about their country..or their leader...

**Jet_Master** · 05-22-2002

i am not an american. so i dont care who makes fun of bush... he does act like a moron sometimes... (if he thinks he can gain popularity with the war on terrorism, he is wrong. wait.. i think his plan worked! d'oh!)

**dirkduck** · 05-22-2002

"What's the opinion of Bush of American people?"

I dont like him at all.

**black** · 05-22-2002

Originally posted by dirkduck
"What's the opinion of Bush of American people?"

I dont like him at all.

maybe Clinton is much more fit for nation leader than Bush.
it looks as if Bush could only care how to bring wars and do silly things.

**ygfperson** · 05-22-2002

bush, eh? i really hoped that he wouldn't become president, but you know what hoping gets you when you live in a heavily democratic state instead of a swing-vote state. he isn't too intelligent, or that interested in "technical stuff" like politics. he acts unilaterally, a bad thing especially now. he withdrew from the abm treaty. he supports very conservative points of view. ashcroft is the attorney general. (enough said.) his enviromental views contradict mine. he acts against clinton every chance he gets, for no valid reason sometimes. (remember the arsenic?) he came into power without a clear mandate or even a plurality of the votes; and yet he has acted conservatively instead of the more moderate and pragmatic view the voters had in mind. he has essentially lied about compassionate conservatism. he had little knowledge of foreign affairs outside of mexico, before 9/11.

on the other hand, he has handled the terrorist attacks great, so far. i like his stance on increasing the flexibility of welfare in the hands of governors.

so that's my opinion of him. despite my largely biased thoughts, i'm not really for or against him at this point. i guess that's because i can't really do anything about it right now.
on a side note: if gore decides to run in 2004 please, please let him have a heart attack and die because he stands no chance now.

I dont know.. But you americans make fun of your own leader... May be this is the trend in advanced countries where citizens do not care much about their country..or their leader...

one of america's ideals is freedom. (duh!) the government should be as small and insignificant as possible, yet provide care when needed. we make fun of our leader because we don't fear him. he's a figurehead sitting on a bunch of former republican president's aides and advisors. in short: he's our prank monkey.
but it doesn't mean we don't care. it just means that bush is a very special guy.

**fyodor** · 05-22-2002

I'm not sure about Bush. I think he was doing fairly well until the steel tariff-I'm not sure if that was a FDR move or not yet. However, I have to say that most low opinions of Bush's intellect are incorrect. He is intelligent enough to get the job done (hopefully). And high intelligence does not always imply capability. Remember Jimmy Carter? About his morals: He's a politician (ever hear that Cream song?). That said, he has more morals than Clinton and Gore combined.

**Commander** · 05-22-2002

I don't like bush for a few reasons...I don't like the way he talks, i don't like the way he(sometimes) stands on the podiums, like his backbone is broken and because he's an idiot. I don't know how many of you remember this, but when bush first came into power, he started talking about drilling in alaska. Ppl said it was a bad idea cause alaska has one of the most fragile ecosystems on the planet and any human project like that could cause severe harm to the environment, but did he listen, of course not, he said he was gonna go everything clinton would never do, I guess he meant was that he would do everything EVIL that clinton would never do. b4, I had nothing against bush, but after he said that, he is not one of the politicians i like( I don’t think i like any of them). So u c, it’s not my fault that i hate bush, it’s his own fault

Unregistered · 05-22-2002

and i thought bush was of a different ginetic structure and was actually a lizard kind of reptile who can morph into **** and stuff like lizards...

that and we're all doomed.... nuclear bombs but that might not be bad cos we do have a soul which is immortal but i'm not sure if bush has one......

**fyodor** · 05-22-2002

I don't know how many of you remember this, but when bush first came into power, he started talking about drilling in alaska. Ppl said it was a bad idea cause alaska has one of the most fragile ecosystems on the planet and any human project like that could cause severe harm to the environment

Someone has been telling you lies. The impact of drilling today in the U.S is very little, taken in perspective. All the data concerning caribou herds indicate that Prudhoe has had absolutely no effect on their movements-indeed, they just fluctuate randomly. Drilling would only take place in a tiny percentage of the total area. it is true that ecologies are bafflingly complex, but they are also very robust, when they feel like it. What I mean is that the oil companies, for the most part, have impacts on the ecosystem that are negligible, compared to the system's natural fluctuations. Ecologies are amazingly self repairing, on the whole, as long as we take care to minimize damage.
And don't believe that emotional sierra club stuff about ANWR being the Serengeti of the North etc. It's horrible. It is a very depressing marshlike place where mosquitoes are apparently the dominate life form.

**novacain** · 05-22-2002

>>What I mean is that the oil companies, for the most part, have impacts on the ecosystem that are negligible, compared to the system's natural fluctuations.

LOL!

**Xmevs** · 05-23-2002

Let it rip to make Ali G da president? Oh, must his Uncle Jamal be an american? Well, he can fake dat too...

**Jet_Master** · 05-23-2002

guys, lighten up... most of us dont like bush. those who like bush can suck up to him as much as they like... but i dont like him like most of the guys here. thats why we are making fun of him here...

so, here is one more bush joke...

Deer Hunting

George W. Bush and Dan Quayle where returning from hunting. The two were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later George W. said to Dan Quayle, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," George W. added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...."