Thread: When swearing is appropriate

  1. #46
    Registered User Aran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    damn.. jesus IS pinochio after all! i knew it all along!

  2. #47
    S­énior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    >I was wondering whether i'd get away with that or not. You sick sick people.

    Well if you were aware of it before you put it in the you are the one that is in need of help. We are only trained to recognise patterns.

  3. #48
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    a couple had just got married.
    both the man and woman were absolutely stone deaf, and communicated in sign language.
    on the wedding night they realised they needed a way to communicate to each other what they wanted in bed, because the woman was shy and tended to want the lights out.
    the wife suggested they use simple signals, if her husband wanted sex, he was to squeeze her right breast once, if he wasn't bothered he should squeeze her left breast once.

    the husband thought that was a good idea. he signed back to her..
    "thats a great idea. OK, if you want to have sex with me, pull my willy once. but if you don't want to have sex, pull it 100 times !!!"


  4. #49
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    funny stuff man...
    ppl would be a better term because there are some ladies in here incase u didn't notice
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: []*[]

  5. #50
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Man Who Loved Baked Beans

    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
    for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
    embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
    a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
    marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
    marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
    sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
    birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
    Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
    that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
    home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
    beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
    he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
    It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
    before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

    All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
    felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
    somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
    wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
    blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
    table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
    beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
    about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
    made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
    went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
    opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
    not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
    breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
    him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
    on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
    engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
    tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
    dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
    winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
    minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

    With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
    he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
    of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
    his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
    he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
    peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

    To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
    around the table for his surprise birthday party.
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: []*[]

  6. #51
    Still waiting for your thread on sexism, hermit.


    Adam was hangin' out in the garden talking to God. Adam asked God.
    "God...why did you make Eve so beautiful, curvey, and fun to look at?".
    God replied "So you would love her." Adam thought about it and
    inquired unto the Great One, "God...why did you make Eve so soft, warm,
    cuddly and fun to touch?".
    God replied "So you would love her Adam." Adam smiled sheepishly
    and kicked the dirt. Then he asked God, "God...why did you make Eve
    soooo daaaamn stooopid?".
    God looked at Adam and said, "So she would love you."
    "There's always another way"
    -lightatdawn (

  7. #52
    Registered User Malcar Morab's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    This one is pretty popular, but at midnight this was all I could find.

    There is always a creative (and permanent) solution to any problem:
    According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors, leaving dozens of little lip prints.

    Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

    To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet and scrub the mirror.

    Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
    ~Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.~
    -----Mark Twain

    ~God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.~
    ------Reinhold Niebuhr

  8. #53


    What happened to all the cleanish jokes, did they all migrate over here or what?

  9. #54
    Registered User Commander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    here's one, it's old but i like it.....

    A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the
    bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her
    and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a
    She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with
    you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
    Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks
    back to his table.
    After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She
    smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a
    graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
    embarrassing situations."
    To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
    oh i'm sorry! i didn;t realize my fist was rushing to meet ur face!

    MSN :: []*[]

  10. #55
    Used Registerer jdinger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Originally posted by Hammer
    An ugly bloke walks into his local pub, like a gazelle, with a big grin on his face.

    "What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

    "Well I'll tell you," replies the ugly bloke.

    "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I
    noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of
    course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"

    "Fantastic," exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"

    "I dunno, I never found her head."

    That's absolutely nastly.

    But of course I did laugh.

  11. #56
    End Of Line Hammer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Originally posted by jdinger

    That's absolutely nastly.

    But of course I did laugh.
    Glad ya liked it!

    Anyways, here's another (not quite so sick this time!)

    A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
    spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and
    began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,

    " Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
    Why are your feet so gross?"
    "I had tolio as a child," he answered.
    "You mean polio?" she asked.
    "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."

    The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued
    undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled
    up her nose.

    "What's wrong with your knees?" she asked. "They're all lumpy and
    "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
    "You mean measles?" she asked.
    "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

    The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing
    continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

    "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... smallcox?"
    When all else fails, read the instructions.
    If you're posting code, use code tags: [code] /* insert code here */ [/code]

  12. #57
    My diaper's full....... stevey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    on his 54th birthday an accountant left his wife a letter which said

    "dear wife
    i am now 54 and i am leaving you. by the time you get this letter i'll be at the Grand Hotel with my sexy and beautiful secretary"

    but when he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him at reception it read

    "dear husband
    well i too am also 54 years old. by the time you get this letter i will be at the Apple Tree Motel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. you are an accountant so i am sure you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54, many more times than 54 goes into 18 "

    for the Ozzy friends...............

    a tourist arrived in Australia and hired a car and set off for the outback. on his way he saw a man having sex with a sheep. he was totally shocked by this, and he pulled over at the nearest pub to have a drink to calm down....
    he's sipping his drink when out of the corner of his eye he sees a guy with one leg furiously masterbating at the bar !!!!
    "for gods sake " he shouts to the barman "what kind of a goddamn place is this ! ive been here 1 hour, and ive already seen a bloke shagging a sheep, now theres some man masterbating in the bar !!! jesus !!!"

    "oh fair dinkum mate " the barman replies " you can't expect a bloke with one leg to catch a sheep !!"
    Last edited by stevey; 05-05-2002 at 07:16 PM.

  13. #58
    train spotter
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    near a computer
    Careful Stevie, never talk about a mans sheep like that.
    You'll get us all excited....
    "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars......the rest I squandered."
    George Best

    "If you are going through hell....keep going."
    Winston Churchill

  14. #59
    Registered User hermit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    i have to admit , some jokes were pretty funny. from a female point of view! a good laugh.
    someone mentioned a post on sexism? nah.
    It's quite funny to see how u MEN post! its good
    but im fine with jokes on woman.

    just dont discriminate women, coz they r human being too.
    i find that the funniest jokes has to be on SEX. Oh well, sex is everything from advertising ----> comedy. SEX SELLS!

    best regards,
    - - fUnKy F3m@le - -

  15. #60
    Just because ygfperson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    strange that i didn't read this topic until now. (thought it was just another anti-censorship thread). lol, that is some funny, but sexist stuff.

    you're right. sex sells. (especially in the netherlands.) i wish i were having some right now...

Popular pages Recent additions subscribe to a feed

Similar Threads

  1. We're listening (and the fate of swearing in newspapers)
    By ygfperson in forum A Brief History of
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-19-2003, 04:06 AM
  2. Religion
    By gnu-ehacks in forum A Brief History of
    Replies: 239
    Last Post: 01-26-2002, 10:44 AM