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And I can see why you're named after a beast of burden.

Wrong. The term realtime (in the context of computing systems) has meaning that is specified in a number of international standards.
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There is plenty wrong with using terms to mean something different from what others expect. It is like asking a question in english, and expecting a native japanese speaker to give you a useful...

You might want to clarify what you actually mean by "realtime".

My definition of realtime is the formal one: that the complete system has failed to meet operational requirements if any process...