Programming humour

I found this really funny. Add your own links too ;)

lol...but i still don't think all of the cases are real.

I had a case where someone asked mo how to erase a carater in a document. I told him to go to the character and press the delete key. He replied : "Where's the delete key?"
How dumb can you get?

The compressed code story actually has some validity in embedded vb. I'm not sure if it makes it run faster, but compressing the code in eVB can dramatically reduce the executable size (according to a devbuzz article). The writer wrote code as usual but ran a compression utility that deleted spaces, etc before compiling.

I despise Computer-related jokes

That's hilarious - thanks for the link! :)

This one right here is a regular mistake by my friend in programming class...

Code:

---

begin
    readln("Number of Apples", apples);
    readln("Number of Carrots", carrots);
    readln("Price for 1 Apple", a_price);
    readln("Price for 1 Carrot", c_price);
    writeln("Total for Apples", a_total);
    writeln("Total for Carrots", c_total);
    writeln("Total", total);
    total := a_total + c_total;
    a_total := apples * a_price;
    c_total := carrots + c_price;
end;

---

Those are pretty funny. I found this one amusing

if (value == 0)
return value;
else
return 0;

I wish I knew how he wrote that 'last' shell script, just to shut down all the computers for a day.

> I despice Computer-related jokes
The correct spelling is despise, and I find them pretty funny.

Code:

---

#include <AllTheGoodies.h>

int main ( void )
{
        WakeUp();
        Goto Work;

        Work:
        LookBusy();
        ComeHome();
        EnjoyHobbies();
        Goto Bed;

        Bed:
        Sleep(8 hours);
        return 0;
}

int WakeUp ( void )
{
        int Counter;
        AlarmClockActivate();
        if ( AlarmClockRing > 5 minutes )
        {
                GetBigHammer();
        }
        if ( SmellOfBody == "STINKY" )
        {
                for ( Counter = 0; Counter < 3; Counter ++ )
                {
                        Shower();
                }
                AdmireSelfInMirror();
        }
        return 0;
}

int LookBusy ( void )
{
        if ( WorkToDo == TRUE )
        {
                Goto CoffeeMachine;
                CoffeeMachine:
                if ( BossNotLooking() == TRUE )
                {
                        SpikeBeverage();
                }
        }
        return 0;
}

int ComeHome ( void )
{
        TravelOnBackRoads();
        if ( NoCops == TRUE )
        {
                SpeedLikeCrazy();
                if ( Speedometer < 100mph )
                {
                        TravelAt110mph();
                }
        }
        return 0;
}

int EnjoyHobbies ( void )
{
        TelevisionActivate();
        if ( SpiceChannel || PornChannel == TRUE )
        {
                WatchClosely();
        }
        return 0;
}

---

Quote:

---

One day I was in a public park, reading "C++ For Dummies" when someone came up and asked me what I was reading. I told him I was reading a book about C++. He responded, "Oh, HTML kicks C++'s @$$."

---

I find it funnier that the guy was reading C++ for Dummies and making fun of the other idiot.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Betazep
I find it funnier that the guy was reading C++ for Dummies and making fun of the other idiot.

---

That's the only thing related to this thread that made me laugh!

I also think that the best at programming, in a group of "programmers" - for example this board - has the right to joke with code.

www.techtales.com

thats pretty funny sometimes.

I kinda love/hate those. I find some of them INCREDIBLY hilarious, but sometimes I want to smack some of those people around, particularly the ones who spew out BS and then argue with you and act like they're computer experts.

Also, there's nothing wrong with C++ for Dummies, or any of the other Dummies books, they provide excellent introductions to subjects.

This made me laugh SO hard:

Quote:

---

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.


Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.


Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

---

> This one right here is a regular mistake by my friend in programming class...

What, writing in Pascal?

Code:

---

women()
{
  goto bathroom;
  bathroom:
  while (1) ;
}

---

hahaha, that was funny.
Nice link Salem. :)

double or_nothing was good too..heh..

Quote:

---

Originally posted by valar_king
Also, there's nothing wrong with C++ for Dummies, or any of the other Dummies books, they provide excellent introductions to subjects.

---

I guess so. But I think there are better resources. Your opinion... my opinion. Who's to say what's better. ;) Just different is all. :rolleyes:

and BTW... have you guys seen the Saturday Night Live skit with the computer guy?

Sometimes I worry that I am like that a little bit.

"No. You are doing it wrong... MOOOVE!"

I'm exactly like the SNL skit. My mom always feels the need to point it out when I tell her that the mouse CAN'T be used to feed our cat....

BMJ's CS teacher: What th....
BMJ: *shove* Oh! I know what's wrong! Here, let me... ok, now.... alright.... and....... OK, you're all good to go!

:D

Speaking of your mom ken....

*wink* *wink*

:cool: :D

Quote:

---

Dear Mrs. Zep,
   It has recently come to my attention that....

---

hah!

Dammit! You wouldn't dare!

Quote:

---

Dear Hillbillie,

It has come to my attention that Ken wants to....

---

Tough cookies - I sent that email to him long ago. The flight to arkansas wasn't THAT long...

::Ken searches bathroom walls for Zep's wife's email addy::

:D

Who says this forum isn't a chat room?

Quote:

---

Originally posted by BMJ
Who says this forum isn't a chat room?

---

Tell us... so we can kill them and eat thier livers!

*looks at watch*

Awwww... I have to go to class now.... no more f'ing around on the school's registration computer... hehe, seriously... later :)

LOL we have some seriously disturbed minds at work here lol

interesting, especially this one:


When a computer professor asked his students to comment all their programs, he got remarks like:

"This program is very nice."
"This program is very difficult."
"This program is very interesting."

Quote:

---

Originally posted by -KEN-
This made me laugh SO hard:

---

I nearly died when I read that one too! :) :D

Quote:

---

I clicked cancel.

---

Govtcheez,

Quote:

---

What, writing in Pascal?

---

Yes, writing in Pascal. Our school only offers Pascal for programming courses, and the class is still better than most other classes. But I gotta tell ya, it's pretty damn annoying having to create an algorithm to display the slope of two points. Oh wow...so hard!!! Plus the teacher isn't all that bright either so the class becomes incredibly irritating at points. But luckily I have my stupid friend to cheer me up with his stupidity. Today I was cracking up in class looking over the answers he got wrong on a test. Well, as I was saying...yes, in Pascal. I get carried away sometimes...

u think pascal is boring!!!!!!!!! learn turing!!! then you'll know that boring is!! and like you, i rely on human sources and their stupidity to keep me company through the class. There are many jokers in the class, who tend to amuse me (and many others) with their incredibly low geograpical knowledge by making very inaccurate and\or stupid comments on other's origin, the others do the same an dit creats a long chain of interesting comments until someone ends up in the office, then, soddenly it all stops!!

Well, I have two of my best friends that sit right next to me in the class, so the class is actually fun in that sense. And I'm the "loud" one and the "jokester" in the class...kinda like all of my classes

But today we had this incredibly hard test!:rolleyes: We had to write a program that calculated the total charges on a phone bill that had a flat rate $.21 per minute. Oh my it was hard. Plus the teacher had the nerve to make us write the WHOLE program without any help at all. Tough stuff I tell ya...

PHP Code:

---

#include <iostream>
using std::cout;
using std::cin;

int main()
{
   int total;
   cout << "Enter total minutes";
   cin >> total;
   cout << "Bill is: " << float(total * .21);
   return 0;
} 


---

Add functions to read a/o sum minutes if necessary.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by salvelinus

PHP Code:

---

#include <iostream>
using std::cout;
using std::cin;

int main()
{
   int total;
   cout << "Enter total minutes";
   cin >> total;
   cout << "Bill is: " << float(total * .21);
   return 0;
} 


---

Add functions to read a/o sum minutes if necessary.

---

::whipsering:: See that thing flying straight over your head? It's called a joke...

void main ()
{
char *input;
int minutes;
int money;
begin:
printf ("Enter total minutes\n");
fflush (stdin);
gets (input);
minutes = atoi (input);
money = minutes * .21;
printf ("Total cost is %f\n", money);
goto begin;
}

Quote:

---

Originally posted by -KEN-
::whipsering:: See that thing flying straight over your head? It's called a joke...

---

[grumble]Well, it wasn't very funny...Where's the smiley?[/grumble]:confused:

>>we had this incredibly hard test!:rolleyes:

I should think that'd be clue enough for most people :)