Cboard meta-post with uninformative subject line

Assertion that I'm not looking for help with my homework.

Problem description which seems to strongly imply that I'm doing homework.

Code:

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snippet of random code I could have pulled from anywhere

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Insistence that the above code is my code.

Statement indicating complete lack of understanding of the above code despite my insistence that I am the author.

Reference to a compiler error on line 17, when I have not labeled my code with line numbers.

Vague question involving aardvarks.

Reiteration that this thing which isn't an assignment is "due" in three hours.

Offering of thanks in advance, ensuring I will not need to follow up with a targetted thank you at a later date.

Standard follow up enquiring about compiler/os/library/colour of your shoes

Optional lambasting of usage of 20 year old compiler

75% chance of being told nobody'll do your homework with 25% chance somebody'll dump it (falling to 50/50% for certain posters)

Quote chapter and verse from the relevant standard that proves your compiler is a P.O.S/your lecturer gave you an impossible task/I don't know what point I'm making, but that quoting the standard will make it seem like I know what i'm on about

And maybe one of the following:

Code:

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Elysia special:
If you're not using the tool I currently have a boner for, you're wrong

CommonTater special:
Use Pelles C / I'm old you know

Me special:
Borderline spam or tangential link to something I've written or done

Salem special:
Stop bumping 8 year old threads, *thread closed*

VirtualAce special:
Stop bumping 8 minute old threads, *thread closed*

Phantamotap special:
O_o

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OOC: EvoEx this is the game you should've created

Rolling on floor laughing ... well done guys!
Well except that I don't FEEL old...

And then along comes Adak...

Three page story about how aardvarks killed my family and burnt down my house.

Obligatory liking of every post in thread

Complaint that ಠ_ಠ is hijacking my thread.

Overly defensive response to imagined accusations.

Unprovoked insults directed at a moderator.

Rage filled paragraph which sets off the .....ing swear detector several .....ing times in one .....ing sentence. Accusations of egotism, elitism, and fascism.

Desperate plea for same moderator I just insulted to delete this thread before my instructor finds it.

Oblivious attempt to help the OP, with fundamentally flawed suggestion on how to fix the posted code.

Code:

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fundamentally (and syntactically) flawed suggestion in code that
 - has very little to do with the problem I am trying to help fix
 - shows off how clever I am (not)

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Critique of adeyblue's lack of help

Agreement with brewbuck's elitist sentiments, specifically regarding an ancient compiler that must be solid since it's been around for so long now.

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wood ewe relieve ?

common response to all errors... Doooh!

A voice of reason descends upon lost lambs and there is a lot of mandatory ego stroking and bluffing.

Derailment.

Gimme a C
Gimme a l
Gimme a o
Gimme a s
Gimme a e
Gimme a d
At some point, the mods are petitioned to close the thread, or ban someone.
Possibly both at the same time, possibly even for the same person.

bump - plz, ths iz urgent :(
My deadline is in <single-digit> <minutes or hours>

Need help right now!


Version 1.0:
I didn't learn this in class because my teacher has a horrible accent and now it's your job to teach me because I spent the entire semester being too freaking lazy to read a textbook.

Version 2.7
We didn't cover this in class and I'm too lazy to look it up, can you do it for me?

Version 3.8
What do you mean "Google is my friend"... Just give me the #$@$#%%^ code already!

Version 14.2 (5 years later)
We didn't learn this in school, can you look it up for me....

After much prodding, there is a new version of the code where the indent style is almost certain to be either "none" or "chaotic", and a number of key points which were said to be fixed haven't been fixed at all.

As if to reinforce the original post...
I found this code
I need it now!