Found in a German java forum and thought it worth posting here too:
The 5 1/2 steps in trying to get others to doing your homework:
- Step 1: Being bold You just ask someone else to do your work for you, instantly, voluntarily, and without any payment. Sometimes you don't even care to mention what the task at hand actually is, instead you just give your e-mail address for potential programming slaves to come back to you. Real professionals additionally choose a girlish sounding nickname in hope for more male programmers to show their interest.
- Step 2: Negotiation Sometimes (mainly after someone asked for it) you offer small payment for someone doing your work for you. The amount offered usually is so small that it's rather an offense than a salary - and its justification leads directly to...
- Step 3: Begging You tell people you're just a poor student who doesn't have much to give. When being told to do your own homework, you have several creative excuses ready at hand: you have been suffering from a terribly bad illness, your teacher didn't really teach you how to accomplish your task, you just need to pass your class and are not really interested in programming at all. Additionally, you sometimes ingratiate yourself with people on the forums, since "You are professionals, should be an easy job for you" and "You are great programmers, you will surely accomplish this task in less than five minutes."
- Step 4: Triggering compassion The lack of success in steps 1 to 3 forces you to let people know the horrible consequences of no-one being willing to help you: not passing your exam, the loss of future perspective, social decline and soon painful death...
- Step 5a: Provocation After four (very busy) steps and still not having found someone to do your work for you you show a sudden change in mood and give explanations why nobody is willing to help you: These forums are f**king impolite and arrogant and full of incompetent idiots who are too dumb to write a stupid little program. (You're right; we should have that slogan on our home page.)
- Step 5b: Flame war Those members who have never come across the 5 steps so far react to your provocation and start an argument with you until your thread gets closed or deleted.