Laughable Job Postings

The position requires
§ Bachelor’s Degree (and/or equivalent work experience) in computer science or a related field
§ At least two (2) years experience programming databases in a Microsoft SQL environment using Visual Basic, VB.net or C#.
§ Supplemental skills may include Access, HTML, .net, PowerBuilder, and SharePoint.

§ For new system implementation, maintain and modify programs; make approved changes, develop detailed programming logic and code changes.
§ Write new program code using documented specifications.
§ Test and develop programming modifications.
§ Review detailed business requirements, apply knowledge of current structures, state possible solutions, identify the optimal solution based on high level objectives; advise on risks and/or obtain necessary detail and clarifications.
§ Analyze performance of programs, troubleshoot, and take actions as necessary.
§ Code, test, quality assure, and troubleshoot programs using the appropriate hardware, database, and programming technology.
§ Write and maintain programming documentation
§ Marginal Functions
§ Assists the Information Systems Department when not working on database projects; assistance will primarily relate to projects addressing company infrastructure.
§ Performs all tasks as appropriately assigned or requested by the Director of Organizational Development.

So basically, you have to be a bad ass software engineer who can code in multiple languages and SQL with an undergraduate degree, and when you aren't busy they are gonna have you pulling cable and doing busy work. Oh they used the magic words 'competitive salary' too, which is code for they don't pay ........, or overtime.

Just reflecting supply and demand.
With lots of people looking for a job, companies just load up the wish-list.

Sounds like a very small company where you need to wear many hats.
In my last company I was a QA/Software Developer and took care of the backups & servers (which didn't take much of my time).
Also, "competitive salary" doesn't necessarily mean low pay. I was making pretty good money there. Small companies usually have to pay higher salaries to attract any intelligent people...

Most of them post that way to filter out the fakes.

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§ Supplemental skills may include Access, HTML, .net, PowerBuilder, and SharePoint.

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Access?? Seriously. You can spend a couple of hours with Access and should be able to use it rather well - if you ever did have the horrid desire to use it.
SharePoint? Probably means if the dedicated SharePoint person isn't around or is sick you might have to do some.

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§ For new system implementation, maintain and modify programs; make approved changes, develop detailed programming logic and code changes.

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For the first part one word sums it up: maintenance.
For the second: they need programmers. What programmer does not develop detailed programming logic and code changes? What programmer in their right mind would make un-approved changes?

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§ Review detailed business requirements, apply knowledge of current structures, state possible solutions, identify the optimal solution based on high level objectives; advise on risks and/or obtain necessary detail and clarifications.

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Pretty much sounds like the minutes of a normal developer meeting.

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§ Write and maintain programming documentation
§ Marginal Functions
§ Assists the Information Systems Department when not working on database projects; assistance will primarily relate to projects addressing company infrastructure.

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Other stuff you might have to do but could probably weasel your way out of if your current project was higher priority.

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§ Write new program code using documented specifications.
§ Test and develop programming modifications.

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In other words you get to write code. Documented specifications eh? That would be nice wouldn't it.

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§ Code, test, quality assure, and troubleshoot programs using the appropriate hardware, database, and programming technology.

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Don't we all do that already to some extent? Isn't the programmer the first QA person as well?


When you break down the sentences for what they are there really isn't that much there and most of it is repetition from one sentence to another. I think the point of the entire listing is you will have to code.

Post of the year:
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Originally Posted by Aparavoid View Post
Just because a person knows how to program doesn't make them computer literate...

... are you kidding me

At least they didn't ask for 20 years of .NET experience.

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Originally Posted by Bubba

When you break down the sentences for what they are there really isn't that much there and most of it is repetition from one sentence to another. I think the point of the entire listing is you will have to code.

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Got no problem with teh codez. I love to code, what i found laughable was that they also expect you to be the office gopher when you aren't coding, which has a habit of turning into being the gopher even when you are coding, because 'it will only take a minute'. Such open ended job specs have a habit of turning ugly. If they need a programmer great wonderful, but I'm there to program, not to fetch coffee. I guarantee the managers don't have that description in their job spec.

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Originally Posted by abachler

Got no problem with teh codez. I love to code, what i found laughable was that they also expect you to be the office gopher when you aren't coding, which has a habit of turning into being the gopher even when you are coding, because 'it will only take a minute'. Such open ended job specs have a habit of turning ugly. If they need a programmer great wonderful, but I'm there to program, not to fetch coffee. I guarantee the managers don't have that description in their job spec.

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I wouldn't judge the job by the job posting. If it's anything like my company, the job postings are written by HR personnel -- not by the engineers looking to the fill the position. HR people will fill in areas with buzz words like "competitive salary", and include things they think the job may entail just to fill space. There's a good chance that all they're looking for is a VB programmer that knows SQL, and HR filled in the rest.

I haven't actually worked a technical job before, but if SQL and VB was all that was needed, why would HR tack on skills it knows nothing about? I know I'm asking a why are people stupid type question, but humor me.

There might be a couple reasons. There might be another position open in the company that needs a different skill set, but HR can save some money combining the two postings together. Another reason might be that HR feels it will get too many applicants if they just put a couple needed skills, so they add some others to help narrow down the number of people applying. It sounds stupid, and well... it is.

My advice to people applying for jobs is to not feel discouraged from calling a company if their posting says they need 10 different skills, but you only have 4 of those skills.

@ the OP: What ever happened to becoming an ice-road trucker?

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Originally Posted by MK27

@ the OP: What ever happened to becoming an ice-road trucker?

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SBIR still hasn't awarded the program to anyone, so no idea when that will take off.

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Originally Posted by abachler

SBIR still hasn't awarded the program to anyone, so no idea when that will take off.

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Well, watch your mouth, probably the DoD is monitoring this thread as part of the evaluation process.

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Originally Posted by MK27

Well, watch your mouth, probably the DoD is monitoring this thread as part of the evaluation process.

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No...it's not DoD, but Dude....

The Dude (Director Of Organizational Development)
could be watching.... <wink>