Know any Good Programming Jokes or comics

This is a discussion on Know any Good Programming Jokes or comics within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; I was bored, depressed and in need of cheering up and while roaming the internet recently found a funny web ...

  1. #1
    Registered User manofsteel972's Avatar
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    Know any Good Programming Jokes or comics

    I was bored, depressed and in need of cheering up and while roaming the internet recently found a funny web comic that has some computer programming and math fun called xkcd. Just curious if anyone else knows of any other good computer jokes or comics that might help lift some spirits?
    "Knowledge is proud that she knows so much; Wisdom is humble that she knows no more."
    -- Cowper

    Operating Systems=Slackware Linux 9.1,Windows 98/Xp
    Compilers=gcc 3.2.3, Visual C++ 6.0, DevC++(Mingw)

    You may teach a person from now until doom's day, but that person will only know what he learns himself.

    Now I know what doesn't work.

    A problem is understood by solving it, not by pondering it.

    For a bit of humor check out xkcd web comic http://xkcd.com/235/

  2. #2
    Deathray Engineer MacGyver's Avatar
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    Not quite jokes, but stuff you might find amusing (or depressing... Dunno which.).

    • Often said, and annoying saying: There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't.
    • Story (I think it's true, but I can't remember the particulars where I read this, so I probably got the details completely wrong.): There was a guy asking on a forum for help on doing something technical with his computer, and people were trying to help this guy out. The person was stubborn, however, and he was discounting people's diagnosis of the problem. After he kept repeatedly asking for help over and over again, someone had enough of it.

      He identified the real problem: The mouse driver needed to be replaced.
    • During a tech support call I had years ago to a game company, the guy was telling me major Windows system files to never try to mess with, which includes the obvious Kernel32.dll and such. He mentioned how important those files were. I said something, and he replied along the lines of....

      "Yeah, I told someone last week to delete one of those files, and it wrecked everything."

  3. #3
    Kernel hacker
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    A salesman is driving in the mountains with a hardware engineer and a software engineer. Suddenly, the salesman says "the brakes aren't working - help". They all look pretty paniced, but eventually, the hardware engineer gets the car to a stop by using the gears and the hand-brake. The software engineer says "Let's go back and see if it happens again".

    Obviously told by a hardware engineer! ;-) [And my rendition is perhaps not as "good" as the when I heard it, but I got the punchline, which is better than average for me]

    --
    Mats

  4. #4
    and the hat of wrongness Salem's Avatar
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    Code:
    typedef struct programmer {
      void     *work;       /* Nothing happening here */
      char      unstable;   /* the guy's off the rails */
      double    money;      /* well overpaid */
      long      lunch;      /* always filling his face */
      short     temper;     /* moody sod */
      unsigned  check;      /* never pays for anything */
    };
    If you dance barefoot on the broken glass of undefined behaviour, you've got to expect the occasional cut.
    If at first you don't succeed, try writing your phone number on the exam paper.
    I support http://www.ukip.org/ as the first necessary step to a free Europe.

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    Amazingly beautiful user.
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    Sorry that it's bloblike. I can't get the formatting right.
    A company is trying to decide whether to go with Apple products or Microsoft products. Being a relatively large business, they invite three engineers fro Microsoft and three from Apple.
    Both groups bump into each other in the line to buy tickets at the train station.
    The Microsoft engineers go ahead and buy three tickets, one each. Then, the Apple engineers only buy one ticket between all three of them. One of the Microsoft engineers says "You're gonna need two more of those," to which the Apple Engineer responds, "Just watch!"
    After boarding, they hear the conductor going down the train checking tickets. With the MS engineers taking note, all three Apple Engineers pile into the restroom. The conductor says "Ticket Please," and one of the engineers cracks the door open, and sticks out his arm with the ticket. The conductor takes it and moves on.
    Then, on the way back, one again, the engineers are in line at the train station. This time, the Microsoft engineers understand, and only buy one ticket. Shockingly, the Apple Engineers purchase none, once again stating that they have a plan. This time, as the Microsoft Engineers pile into the stall, an Apple Engineer walks up to the door, knocks, and says "Ticket Please."
    Programming Your Mom. http://www.dandongs.com/

  6. #6
    The larch
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    TheDailyWorseThanFailure.

    And that's not just one-time reading. It's updated every day.

    Edit: I'm not a professional programmer and only know some BASIC and C++, so I don't always get the joke, but the author posts some pretty nice screenshots of screw-ups too.
    Last edited by anon; 07-28-2007 at 02:14 PM.
    I might be wrong.

    Thank you, anon. You sure know how to recognize different types of trees from quite a long way away.
    Quoted more than 1000 times (I hope).

  7. #7
    Registered Abuser
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    Believe I got this one from a guy's sig on these forums:
    What's the best way to accelerate an IBM?
    -> at 9.8 m/sē
    I just bought a Turing computer the other day, man that thing's so fast it can run an infinite loop in like under 2.5 seconds!

  8. #8
    Captain Crash brewbuck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by manofsteel972 View Post
    I was bored, depressed and in need of cheering up and while roaming the internet recently found a funny web comic that has some computer programming and math fun called xkcd. Just curious if anyone else knows of any other good computer jokes or comics that might help lift some spirits?
    So, two strings walk into a bar.

    The first string says, "Barkeep, I'll have a gin and tonic."

    The second string says, "Barkeep, I'd like a vodka martini9i687vx hks345hjkerti7gfi768&^&^%ucflkiur."

    The first string says, "Oh, don't mind my friend here. He's not null terminated."

  9. #9
    Frequently Quite Prolix dwks's Avatar
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    What's the best way to accelerate an IBM?
    -> at 9.8 m/s²
    Personally, I think that Cactus_Hugger's signature is one of the best there is . . .
    long time; /* know C? */
    Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
    Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
    Real Programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas, because dec 25 == oct 31.
    The best way to accelerate an IBM is at 9.8 m/s/s.
    recursion (re - cur' - zhun) n. 1. (see recursion)
    dwk

    Seek and ye shall find. quaere et invenies.

    "Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it." -- Alan Perlis
    "Testing can only prove the presence of bugs, not their absence." -- Edsger Dijkstra
    "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." -- John Powell


    Other boards: DaniWeb, TPS
    Unofficial Wiki FAQ: cpwiki.sf.net

    My website: http://dwks.theprogrammingsite.com/
    Projects: codeform, xuni, atlantis, nort, etc.

  10. #10
    Registered User manofsteel972's Avatar
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    Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
    Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
    That pretty much defines Visual Studio C++ 2005 intellisense.
    "Knowledge is proud that she knows so much; Wisdom is humble that she knows no more."
    -- Cowper

    Operating Systems=Slackware Linux 9.1,Windows 98/Xp
    Compilers=gcc 3.2.3, Visual C++ 6.0, DevC++(Mingw)

    You may teach a person from now until doom's day, but that person will only know what he learns himself.

    Now I know what doesn't work.

    A problem is understood by solving it, not by pondering it.

    For a bit of humor check out xkcd web comic http://xkcd.com/235/

  11. #11
    & the hat of GPL slaying Thantos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salem View Post
    Code:
    typedef struct programmer {
      void     *work;       /* Nothing happening here */
      char      unstable;   /* the guy's off the rails */
      double    money;      /* well overpaid */
      long      lunch;      /* always filling his face */
      short     temper;     /* moody sod */
      unsigned  check;      /* never pays for anything */
    };
    Permission to copy that? :P

  12. #12
    Registered User Tonto's Avatar
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    ╔╗╔╦══╦╗╔╦══╦╗
    ║╚╝║╔╗║╚╝║╔╗║║
    ║╔╗║╠╣║╔╗║╠╣╠╣
    ╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝

    codez http://code.google.com/p/zxcvbn/

  13. #13
    Registered User marrk's Avatar
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  14. #14
    Registered User CreatedByShadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tonto View Post
    Lol, pretty amusing stuff there!

  15. #15
    int x = *((int *) NULL); Cactus_Hugger's Avatar
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    that Cactus_Hugger's signature
    All of which is copied from sources on the Internet. I only wish I had thought those up.

    I saw the thread's title and thought, "xkcd!", but I see you've got that one already. The next two that came to mind were Ctrl+Alt+Del and UserFriendly.

    I traded this one out of the signature a while back... (someone didn't like it, as it says don't comment. It's a ha-ha though, not a serious thing... >.<)
    Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
    (There are more Real Programmer-isms, if they interest you.)
    That, and although it isn't "funny" really:
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Perlis
    You think you know when you can learn, are more sure when you can write, even more when you can teach, but certain when you can program.
    long time; /* know C? */
    Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
    Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
    Real Programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas, because dec 25 == oct 31.
    The best way to accelerate an IBM is at 9.8 m/s/s.
    recursion (re - cur' - zhun) n. 1. (see recursion)

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