Living in the 00'S

mithrandir · 01-21-2002, 01:47 AM

I got this sent to me in an email today...sorry if you've seen it before, but I thought it was funny

You know you're living in the 00's when: -

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three.

4. You e-mail your colleague who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still
answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally
insert a "0" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.

9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost
all of your best jokes.

13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more
likely to get long-service awards.

15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries
annual budgets combined.

16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience,
terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all
the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours
boots up.

19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent
staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four
full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works
with computers".

novacain · 01-21-2002, 03:31 AM

This is another oldie but goodie

Code:


    The following is an actual question on a University of Washington 
    chemistry mid term exam. The answer was so "profound" that the  professor 
    shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of 
    enjoying it as well. 
    Bonus Question: Is hell exothermic (Gives off heat) or endothermic (Absorbs 
    heat)? 

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,(gas 
    cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. 
    One student, however wrote the following: 
    First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. 
    So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate 
    they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets 
    to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. 
    As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different 
    religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that 
    if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. 
    Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do  not 
    belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to  hell. 
    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls 
    in Hell to increase exponentially. 
    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's 
    Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay 
    the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. 
    This gives you two possibilities: 
    1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are 
    entering Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase 
    until all Hell breaks loose. 
    2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 
    souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell 
    freezes over. 
    So which is it? 
    If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my 
    Freshman year, "It would be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", 
    and take into account the fact that I still haven't succeeded in 
    having relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that 

    Hell is exothermic and will therefore will not freeze.

Govtcheez · 01-21-2002, 08:57 AM

novacain- you forgot the best part! That was the only student in the class that received an A...

As for stealth:
1)no
2)yes
3)no
4)yes
5)yes
6)yes
7)no
8)no
9)no
10)yes (actually, on the web, but close enough)
11)no
12)yes
13)yes
14)yes
15)yes (well, maybe not put together...)
16)no
17)yes
18)no
19)no
20)yes
21)yes

**nvoigt** · 01-21-2002, 09:31 AM

1) no
2) yes
3) yes
4) yes
5) yes
6) no ( but I tried to get in using my work keycard... )
7) no
8) no
9) no
10) no
11) no
12) yes
13) no
14) no
15) not likely
16) psssst...
17) yes
18) no
19) yes
20) yes
21) yes !

01-21-2002, 01:47 AM	#1
mithrandir aurë entuluva! Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,209	Living in the 00'S I got this sent to me in an email today...sorry if you've seen it before, but I thought it was funny You know you're living in the 00's when: - 1. You try to enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail your colleague who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "0" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro. 10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. 11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news. 12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes. 13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. 14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. 15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined. 16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary. 17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet. 18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up. 19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital. 20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy. 21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers". __________________ Who's Your Suspended Account?
mithrandir is offline

01-21-2002, 08:57 AM	#3
Govtcheez Mayor of Awesometown Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: MI Posts: 8,826	novacain- you forgot the best part! That was the only student in the class that received an A... As for stealth: 1)no 2)yes 3)no 4)yes 5)yes 6)yes 7)no 8)no 9)no 10)yes (actually, on the web, but close enough) 11)no 12)yes 13)yes 14)yes 15)yes (well, maybe not put together...) 16)no 17)yes 18)no 19)no 20)yes 21)yes __________________ -Govtcheez govtcheez03@hotmail.com
Govtcheez is offline

01-21-2002, 09:31 AM	#4
nvoigt the hat of redundancy hat Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Hannover, Germany Posts: 2,754	1) no 2) yes 3) yes 4) yes 5) yes 6) no ( but I tried to get in using my work keycard... ) 7) no 8) no 9) no 10) no 11) no 12) yes 13) no 14) no 15) not likely 16) psssst... 17) yes 18) no 19) yes 20) yes 21) yes ! __________________ hth -nv She was so Blonde, she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." When in doubt, read the FAQ. Then ask a smart question.
nvoigt is offline

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