1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
4. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check
three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
7. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
8. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
9. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
10. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your
11. Corollary: If you are given a take-home test, you will
forget where you live.
12. The trouble with doing something right the first time is
that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
13. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
as a warning to others.
14. TJ's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
15. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
because the average man can see better than he can think.
16. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no
influence on society.
17. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.
18. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the
fan will not be evenly distributed.
the rule of ardizzone:
the second time you do something it takes half as long.
the rules of hales:
1. if you fail enough you are bound to succeed.
2. you'll never fail if you aim to fail.