I've realized that the only time I don't feel suicidial and dead is when I'm doing something.
OK, I've just programmed a simple 3D engine, it took me about 14 days (only programming from 10 AM to around 11 PM), with some breaks here and there, don't remember really. All days are like only one long day nowdays. Not sure what I should do know. I need something to do.
It's not possible to make a game on one person, and games are not my thing, to make the actual game is more about art and stuff like that than solving "real" problems.
I need a new project with a clear goal. I would like to do something with AI. Not sure what though.
It doesn't even have to be programming. The darknes is getting closer, I need a project. Life is about hiding death.
Need something to do now. Until then I'll try to make some more graphics programming.