Another reason why I hate life

This is a discussion on Another reason why I hate life within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; I am posting this because I thought you all would get a kick out of it. I have to take ...

  1. #1

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    Another reason why I hate life

    I am posting this because I thought you all would get a kick out of it. I have to take a class for school called 'dining in.' It's a graduation requirement. Basically, we are taught formal dining. Out of all of the things I've done so far, this is probably going to be the biggest pain in the ass.

    It goes like this: we take the class, and then we are invited to the President's house for a 2 hour formal dinner. This is essentially the test part of the class.

    We were herded like sheep into a giant auditorium by one of the Navy Lieutenants that happens to be my company commander. We were told to sit down and shut up, and to stand at attention when the President's (of the school) wife entered the room.

    We were then given a sheet with a long list of rules and a 2 hour lecture going over it. Here are the rules (note that this was just the back side of the page, the other side had some other general stuff)

    • Don't talk with food in your mouth
    • dont use fingers as a food pusher
    • dont use utensils as a shovel
    • dont make noises while eating or swallowing
    • dont chew with your mouth open
    • dont blow on hot liquids to cool them
    • dont smack your lips
    • dont pile your fork high and take a big mouthful
    • dont lick your fingers
    • dont rise and reach for something, ask that it be passed
    • dont leave the spoon in the cup after stirring. Place it in the saucer to the right of the cup handle, NEVER on the table cloth!
    • dont tip a soup plate toward you, when almost empty you may tip it away from you. When a clear soup is served in a cup or bowl with handles you mayh pick it up and drink it, after you have eaten most of it with a spoon
    • dont ever leave a spoon in a soup cup or bowl. Put it in the saucer, but always leave the spoon in a soup plate
    • dont cut bread with a knife. It should be broken in half with the fingers and then into smaller pieces as eaten. If butter is served butter each piece as it is eaten.
    • dont put jam or condiments directly onto the bread. they go onto the butter plate, and then onto the smaller pieces of bread when eaten.
    • dont ever place your elbows on the table. Between courses you may place your forearms on the table if you dont turn your back on your partner
    • dont slump at the table, but dont sit at attention either
    • when cutting your food dont stick your elbows out. It is just as easy to cut up and down and, with your elbows in you wont hit the person next to you
    • dont push your plate away from you when you have finished eating. leave it where it was placed and put your unfolded napkin to the right of it. Never in it
    • dont rub your lips with your napkin. Pat them
    • dont smoke at the table unless ash trays are provided (........)
    • never placed used utensils on the tablecloth
    • dont put food in your mouth with your arms resting on the table. pick your arm up and bring your food to your mouth
    • dont leave the dinner table with your jacket unbuttoned. when seated you may unbotton your jacket but always button when you get up from the table
    Seeing as how there are like no girls that attend my school, they've essentially hired people to be our dates when we go to the President's house.
    I'm not immature, I'm refined in the opposite direction.

  2. #2
    Just Lurking Dave_Sinkula's Avatar
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    In previous generations, most of that was understood by elementary school. I've been struggling to get my now middle-schooler to figure 1/10 of that. Ah, well, perhaps someday what was once accepted as "common" knowledge will again be back in vogue.

    Until then, just remember what it looks like when a kid across the table opens her mouth to show you what she has been chewing on and realize that many adults do this too. [Blah, blah, blah.]

    If you know it, grin and bear it. If you don't, appreciate that older folks may think you look retarded because you haven't learned what they knew by age 6.
    7. It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
    40. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.*

  3. #3
    Registered User Tonto's Avatar
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    >> Seeing as how there are like no girls that attend my school, they've essentially hired people to be our dates when we go to the President's house.

    Haha. Prostitutes.

    ╔╗╔╦══╦╗╔╦══╦╗
    ║╚╝║╔╗║╚╝║╔╗║║
    ║╔╗║╠╣║╔╗║╠╣╠╣
    ╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝

    codez http://code.google.com/p/zxcvbn/

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave_Sinkula
    In previous generations, most of that was understood by elementary school. I've been struggling to get my now middle-schooler to figure 1/10 of that. Ah, well, perhaps someday what was once accepted as "common" knowledge will again be back in vogue.

    Until then, just remember what it looks like when a kid across the table opens her mouth to show you what she has been chewing on and realize that many adults do this too. [Blah, blah, blah.]

    If you know it, grin and bear it. If you don't, appreciate that older folks may think you look retarded because you haven't learned what they knew by age 6.
    Ahh, you're one of those 'back in my day' old people. I'm glad you made it through world war 2. Now wait a sec. I thought six year olds in your generation were working 25 hours a day in the coal mines, where did they find the time to learn how to eat at formal dinners?

    >>Haha. Prostitutes.

    God I hope so.

    My goal is to fart at the table, but then pretend it was an accident. Then, I'll stand up and smack the president's wife and tell her to get me a sammich! Then I'll lean back in my chair, light up a stogie and bring out the poker deck.

    Twice.
    Last edited by BobMcGee123; 11-09-2006 at 10:44 PM.
    I'm not immature, I'm refined in the opposite direction.

  5. #5
    Devil's Advocate SlyMaelstrom's Avatar
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    dont cut bread with a knife. It should be broken in half with the fingers and then into smaller pieces as eaten.
    I'm not sure this rule is universally considered proper.
    Sent from my iPad®

  6. #6
    Registered User Tonto's Avatar
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    >> It should be broken in half with the fingers and then into smaller pieces as eaten.

    I've always thought of that habit as extremely feminine. Especially if the tounge darts out and gets the food and then retreats.

    ╔╗╔╦══╦╗╔╦══╦╗
    ║╚╝║╔╗║╚╝║╔╗║║
    ║╔╗║╠╣║╔╗║╠╣╠╣
    ╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝

    codez http://code.google.com/p/zxcvbn/

  7. #7
    Devil's Advocate SlyMaelstrom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tonto
    Especially if the tounge darts out and gets the food and then retreats.
    French people...
    Sent from my iPad®

  8. #8
    Registered User Tonto's Avatar
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    I have a vivid image in my head of an impossibly skinny french person doing the lashy tounge thing with a snail on the tip of it. Was my grammar awkward and French sounding?

    ╔╗╔╦══╦╗╔╦══╦╗
    ║╚╝║╔╗║╚╝║╔╗║║
    ║╔╗║╠╣║╔╗║╠╣╠╣
    ╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╩╝

    codez http://code.google.com/p/zxcvbn/

  9. #9
    carry on JaWiB's Avatar
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    > when cutting your food dont stick your elbows out. It is just as easy to cut up and down and, with your elbows in you wont hit the person next to you

    I was just wondering, how many people here use the same hand to hold the fork and the knife (i.e., switching the hand that the fork is in while you use the knife)? I've always just used my left hand for the fork and my right hand for the knife. Saves time.
    "Think not but that I know these things; or think
    I know them not: not therefore am I short
    Of knowing what I ought."
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  10. #10
    Registered User whiteflags's Avatar
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    I've always just used my left hand for the fork and my right hand for the knife. Saves time.
    As a lefty, I do the opposite. But I think that trying to use one hand and switching where necessary is needlessly complex when you can eat with one utensil in each hand and still look proper.

  11. #11
    Cat without Hat CornedBee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by citizen
    As a lefty, I do the opposite. But I think that trying to use one hand and switching where necessary is needlessly complex when you can eat with one utensil in each hand and still look proper.
    In fact, that is the perfectly normal European method. The American method seems just weird to us.

    As for the list ... well, in my time (that is, right now - I'm only 22) all of these are considered perfectly normal behaviour for any child above 8. And those younger are taught.

    Except the thing about blowing on hot liquids. That's allowed, but don't do it obnoxiously. Blow softly, so that
    1) the liquid doesn't lap over the rim
    2) you make no loud blowing noise
    3) the liquid doesn't make any splashing noises.

    In other words, be quiet and don't spill anything. Common sense, IMO.

    Here's another one for Europe: when done, place your fork and knife on the plate, both handles looking right. This signals that you're done, even if there is food left on the plate.
    All the buzzt!
    CornedBee

    "There is not now, nor has there ever been, nor will there ever be, any programming language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad code."
    - Flon's Law

  12. #12
    (?<!re)tired Mario F.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SlyMaelstrom
    I'm not sure this rule is universally considered proper.
    Nope. Highly not proper to cut bread with your hands around here. Bread is actually hardly seen as a complement to a regular meal in fancy restaurants around these parts.

    But wildly acceptable in the restaurants that matter.
    The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
    The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


    Originally Posted by brewbuck:
    Reimplementing a large system in another language to get a 25% performance boost is nonsense. It would be cheaper to just get a computer which is 25% faster.

  13. #13
    MFC killed my cat! manutd's Avatar
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    Ah, yes the good old french bread eating technique: tongue lashing! *gets bad image* Ah! Ugly french men!
    Silence is better than unmeaning words.
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    My blog

  14. #14
    Crazy Fool Perspective's Avatar
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    >dont slump at the table, but dont sit at attention either


    Just angle your back at some "in-between" position.

  15. #15
    Even death may die... Dante Shamest's Avatar
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    Just use chopsticks like we do in Asia. It's lots of fun!

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