The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element
which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.