nickname_changed

On Saturday my girlfriend and I broke up. We'd been together for 18 months, and I moved interstate to Sydney for her, and then she decided she wanted to go home so I took out a loan to pay her for the furniture she was leaving behind. Then she calls up (a month after leaving) on Saturday to say she hasn't been in love with me for months and wants to end it.

Anyway when she called me, at the end of it she asked if she could come and stay with me for a few weeks when she comes back to Sydney. And she actually tried to make me feel bad for saying I wasn't sure it would be a good idea.

How can girls go from supposedly being in love with someone to being less than friends? And how can she expect me to adjust like that so quickly. We've tried it before when we broke up once - it's just hurts too much to be friends with someone and feel like its innapropriate to even hug them when you were with them for a good part of your mature life. How?!

Girls suck.

Edit: The two things I learned in the relationship:
1) Never try to help women when they are upset. Just tell them you're there for them, only help when they ask, because it just makes things worse.
2) Never put all your apples in one basket. I thought she was the person I was going to settle down with, she was my girlfriend, my best friend, and the only person I've ever been close to. Now she's gone I don't have any of that. Don't base your life around one person, it's too risky.

Brian

every girl is a slut or a tease

jverkoey

I concur.

-to clarify-
I concur with the first post.

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Krak

I'd love for Prelude to see this.

jverkoey

From what I've learned in the past few months is that women are very bad at actually having good, real friends for long periods of time. I had the joy (sarcasm) of hanging out with one group for a little while and in that time, I think I heard EVERY single one of them say *something* about every other girl behind their backs, find out about it, and then be mad at the person, but not tell them to their face.

So basically, after a bit, they had turned in to this group of girls who were all ........ed at each other but wouldn't do anything about it to fix the problem. When they saw the person they were ........ed at they just talked to 'em like nothing was going on. It blows my mind away.

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nickname_changed

I think (and hope) that's not true.

Should I feel bad for not letting her stay with me? I still care about her a lot, but I know it's going to hurt if she does and will make things more complicated. I hope this isn't just me being immature.

Darkness

Sorry to hear about your bad luck stove. Wish I had something insightful to say, but the best I can do is say I feel for ya buddy.

Girls: can't live with them, can't live without them.

EDIT:
I would honestly consider you completely crazy for having her stay with you, given the circumstances. If she stays with you, you're going to feel bad, little question about that. And why feel guilty about saying no? You aren't obligated to bend over backwards for anybody like that, even if you are in a relationship with somebody. If you say yes, don't say yes because she is "making" you feel guilty. It's 100% appropriate to not want to see her right now, I'm going through a similar situation.

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nickname_changed

I have seen this happen so many times. I think its because girls have "relationships" with other girls, they're not just "mates" like guys are.

no-one

i find girls are surprisingly good at acting like they dont care... especially when they are ........ed about something.

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jverkoey

why is pi$$ blocked out?

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Shadow

cBoard's been reading too many coloring books.

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biosninja

I can give you some advice.

Break all contact with her!!!

I was in a situation where I went out with this one girl for about 16 months, and the njust suddenly she tells me that she has someone else and all that kind of crap!

So, I tried to be friends (if you can call it that). But in the end I just got hurt everytime I saw her again.

Just break complete contact with her until you are over this whole thing.

Even now, she called me up a few weeks ago, And I was so surprised to see that she had no effect on me whatsoever.

So, just do it. She will realise her mistake later on.

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major_small

not to try to make your relationship look like nothing, but I've been going out with the same girl for 34 months today... I would hardly say that 18 months is a "good part of your mature life". Try to look at it this way: you still have your entire life ahead of you. IMO, a one-year relationship, (or even a 1.5 year relationship) is a strong relationship (if it's been a consecutive year,year+.5), but is definately not something to bet your life on just yet...

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nickname_changed

Thanks for the advice Major Small (and everyone).

I know 18 months isn't that long to some people here, but I am only 18 years old (so is she), so it's a long time for me.

I feel so dumb though, we always said we were meant to be together, and I was looking at engagement rings, and now I find out she probably never meant any of it.

I wish I could bring myself to hate her, but I just can't. So I feel guilty about not wanting her to stay with me, when everyone's telling me not to.

And the last thing I want is for her to realize she's made a mistake and come back. I would want to say no, but I can't stand to see her hurting if I know I can make it better.

The only thing worse than a girl who says "lets just be friends" is a girl who actually tries to be.

Who cares.

I would really value an opinion from the point of view of a female.

ober

Women are fickle. You should not feel guilty for saying no to her about moving in. That will create more problems than you can shake a stick at. I once dated a girl for 8 months and thought I'd marry her. I pined over her for more than a year after we broke up... I was completely miserable. Now it is 5 years later and I'm married to the love of my life. That 8 month thing was nothing and she treated me like garbage. I realize that now. And I realize 18 months is a long time to you, but make sure you were truly happy before you sit and wallow about it.

It's a free lease on life, man. Make something of it.