Do you dare to call this piece of literary work, soon to be as good as "Requiem for a Dream", fanfiction? Hah! I have shat on the notion before, and I will now.
Originally posted by rick barclay
It looks to be pretty well written, Scourfish, but the problem
I have with fanfiction is that it gets boring awfully fast. Sentence
structure is pretty much the same from start to finish. The storyline clings unyieldingly to the main theme that it's been a
bad day and is only going to get worse, again from beginning to end. So, I guess my problem with the story is simply that it's all salt and no pepper, you know, like all work and no play...? Keep
what you have but inject a little variety into it, too. There's nothing wrong with a short sentence here and there, or a little
digression from telling us about your bad day, a little aside, you know?
Just trying to help.